10 signs your spouse isn’t putting you first (and what to do about it)

Sometimes you get the feeling that your partner seems to be neglecting and not putting their interest in your relationship.

But on the other hand, you are afraid that you are being too sensitive and if you bring this up, it seems like you are taking it too seriously.

Believe me, I’ve been there and I know very clearly what I am talking about. I used to worry that I was too sensitive and eventually decided that I should keep those thoughts in my head, until it exploded.

In the end, that relationship was able to be saved, although it left a sizable scar after the arguments because I myself suffered for too long and broke out at the last minute.

If these feelings are left unaddressed, of course it will lead to resentment and an eventual end to the marriage.

So, this article explains 10 tell-tale signs that your spouse isn’t putting you first and what you need to do about it if that is the case.

1) Your spouse doesn’t make time for you.

A spouse who makes time for you is one who prioritizes your needs, and shows care and concern throughout the day. 

A partner who doesn’t make time for you is one who has so many other demands on their time that they are unable to provide quality time for you. 

If you’re married and your spouse constantly doesn’t make time for you, they may be prioritizing something else over you. 

Even if you’re in the same room, it could still feel like your spouse is ignoring you at times. 

Don’t be shy about talking to your spouse about this issue. 

They may not even realize they’re doing it, especially if they have a busy schedule or are stressed out.

If you feel like your spouse is prioritizing other things over you, try bringing up the subject gently without being confrontational. 

You could also ask them what they’d like from you and what they think they can give you in return.

What’s more?

If you want to build stronger bonds with your spouse, try scheduling some time together every day. 

If this feels impossible right now, start by scheduling lunch or dinner once a week together. 

This will help build trust and commitment to each other.

2) Your spouse is constantly working late and keeps you waiting.

Is your spouse always rushing out the door without telling you? 

Keeping you waiting at home when they are late or not responding to your calls? 

This is a huge red flag. 

It’s probably because they are so busy that they don’t have time to deal with their spouse. 

It can make you feel left out and feel like your needs aren’t being met, which can lead to resentment and even resentment towards your spouse.

Keep in mind that it’s okay to take care of themselve, but it’s not okay to neglect their family and responsibilities. 

If your spouse is constantly working late or ignoring you, there’s a good chance they’re not putting you first.

And, when a couple doesn’t feel loved and supported by each other, it can cause damage in their relationship over time.

This can be a sign of a bigger problem. 

If you feel like your partner isn’t putting you first and making time for you, it may be time to take a step back and decide if this is really sustainable for your relationship.

Remember: one of the most important things for a marriage is communication. 

If you can’t communicate with each other, then you are bound to have problems eventually. 

Try to talk things out and solve any issues that may be happening in the relationship.

3) Your spouse doesn’t let you know where they are or what they’re doing.

One of the most important things you can do to show your spouse you care is to know where they are and what they’re doing. 

However, when your spouse doesn’t let you know about that, they aren’t putting you first. 

It could mean that they’re not thinking of you at all. 

They may be spending time with other people, but they’re not thinking about you. 

This is a huge sign that something is wrong.

Or it could mean that they’re hiding something from you. 

More seriously, they could be cheating on you.

But, it’s important to always keep in mind that your marriage is a two-way street. 

No one wants to feel like their partner doesn’t care enough about them.

I remember once my mother-in-law phoned to check on our family and asked about my husband’s job, and that’s when I realized how little I knew about his status.

I was surprised to discover that I had no idea where he was with anyone at the moment. It was also partly because I was too busy with work at the time.

In order to find out what he has been up to lately, I began talking to him and inquired why he had failed to inform me. 

Normally, the two of us had a pretty good idea of where the other was or what he was doing.

My spouse’s answer astonished me even more. He got the impression that I was not concerned with what he said because I was preoccupied with other issues whenever he spoke to me. 

Therefore, he gradually came to the conclusion that there was no point in telling me what he was doing or planning to do.

It was then that I realized that the issue of inadequate communication in our relationship might very well be me.

So, whatever the reason, it’s always best to try and find out what’s going on before jumping to any conclusions.

You should talk to them as soon as you can, and try to get to the bottom of what’s going on. 

Try to be patient with them. 

4) You feel unheard and unappreciated by your spouse.

As I mentioned above, marriage is a two-way street.

Being constantly attentive to him but sensing that he is not listening to you, of course, would create discomfort.

When you feel unappreciated, it can feel like your spouse doesn’t care about what you have to say or see. 

When he or she doesn’t listen to you, it can come across as disrespectful or even as a sign of a lack of interest in your relationship.

Your spouse may also be frustrated by your neediness or clinginess, which leads them to resent you. 

Additionally, if your spouse is not paying attention to the relationship, it may result in a lack of marital intimacy and communication.

In order to repair this relationship, it’s crucial that you communicate with your spouse about how you feel and what needs to change. 

Be willing to be vulnerable and honest with them. 

If you’re feeling overly sensitive about something, share that with them so that they can better understand where you’re coming from. 

If your spouse does something that makes you upset, be sure to let them know about it directly so that they can make amends for their actions. 

By being open and honest with one another, both of you will be able to work on making things better.

5) Your spouse doesn’t include you in important decisions.

When you are married, you are not only your spouse’s partner in life, but you are also part of their family. 

Your spouse may make important decisions on your behalf when they feel that it is important to do so. 

When you are truly included in important decisions, you feel valued, respected, and cared for. 

You also feel more trusting of your spouse, which can make your relationship stronger.

However, if they don’t consult you or include you in making these decisions, they aren’t putting you first. 

They are instead choosing their own interests over yours.

They are prioritizing themselves over you.

Not only does this show that they don’t value you, but it also sends the message that they don’t trust you. 

Keeping quiet and letting the other person make decisions for the both of you can be hurtful to your relationship.

If you want to be included in important decisions, talk to your spouse about what feels appropriate for both of you. 

If they have an idea but don’t raise it with you, don’t hesitate to bring it up yourself. 

Asking questions and seeking input can help everyone feel more respected and valued.

6) Your spouse doesn’t show any interest in what you enjoy.

If your spouse doesn’t show any interest in what you enjoy, that’s a red flag. 

It might mean that they don’t care enough about you to show any interest in what you like. 

This can be a tough one to deal with because when we love someone, it’s natural to want to share with them the things that we love. 

And if you’re already feeling insecure about your spouse’s feelings for you, this can make things even worse. 

When this happens, it sends the message that they care more about what they want than they care about you and it’s a major warning sign. 

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This definitely isn’t ok. 

It shows that they are not willing to put you first and that they do not put their relationship with you above everything else.

It can be helpful to remind your spouse that you love and appreciate them no matter what they do or where they go

And you don’t want them to feel pressured into doing something they don’t want to do. 

You may also want to encourage them to share their interests with you so that you can learn more about their passions and help support them.

By investing in this process, you can create greater connection between the two of you which will ultimately lead to a stronger marriage.

7) Your spouse doesn’t show affection.

A lack of affection doesn’t just hurt your feelings. 

That’s not all.  

It also signals that your partner is distant.

If your partner isn’t showing you affection, it could mean they feel disconnected from you. 

They might have a lot on their mind, which makes it difficult to focus on you. 

Or maybe they’re overwhelmed by work, family, or other obligations.

Even if your partner is simply busy, an absence of affection can still hurt your feelings and cause you to feel insecure. 

If the lack of affection continues for too long, it could lead to feelings of mistrust or resentment, which could ultimately damage the relationship.

Even though it may seem like a small thing to ask for some affection now and then, it’s really important to value each other’s time and show that you care about each other’s well-being.

One of the most important things you can do when you have a partner who doesn’t show affection is to remember that it’s not about you. 

It’s about them, and it can be a sign that something else is going on. 

You can help by noticing if there’s tension or stress in your relationship and working together to solve the problem. 

When things are stressful, it’s easy to take out your frustrations on your partner. However, instead of taking out your frustrations on your partner, try to have a conversation with them about what happened. 

It may be difficult at first, but if you stay calm and stick to the facts, you will see that this will help build trust between the two of you.

8) Your spouse spends all their free time with friends instead of you.

If you are in a relationship with someone who prefers to spend time with their friends rather than you, it can be frustrating. 

It can also feel as though they are putting you second in their life. 

This can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnection.

Not only is this selfish and disrespectful, but it also further isolates you from the relationship. 

If you feel like your partner isn’t investing in your relationship, it may be because they’re not making an effort to spend time with you.

Taking the time to do so can help strengthen your bond and create a more fulfilling relationship.

Besides, it’s important to communicate with each other about what matters most to both of you. 

And to avoid becoming resentful, make sure that you take care of your needs as well. 

This can help both of you to be more fulfilled and happier in your marriage.

9) Your spouse does not notice the changes in your emotions.

You feel unhappy most of the time and your spouse doesn’t realize…

They might not be taking the time to listen to you and show you how much they care about you.

When your spouse doesn’t notice your feelings, and doesn’t care if you are happy or upset, it’s like telling you are not important to them. 

Or even when your spouse knows that you’re upset or frustrated and yet doesn’t take the time to explain what’s going on, it can feel worse. 

You might feel like nothing is ever going to change and that there’s no point in trying anymore. 

This can make it harder for you to feel safe and secure in your relationship. 

It’s important for your spouse to know when you need to talk about something and be available when you need support.

To get the most out of your time together, set aside time for just the two of you. 

Schedule a date night every week if possible, but even taking an afternoon away from the kids can go a long way toward feeling loved and supported by your spouse. 

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by life outside of the home and need your partner’s support, being able to express those feelings is key.

10) Your spouse finds excuses not to have sex with you.

Great relationships are built on trust, communication, and intimacy. 

It may be hard to believe, but sometimes the act of having sex can be a source of tension in relationships. 

For some couples, intimacy is the best way to show their love for one another by reducing any feelings of loneliness or disconnection.

However, when you’re all there: you go to bed with a clear intention of getting intimate, and your spouse comes in saying they’re “too tired” or “feel like watching TV.”

If your significant other doesn’t want sex with you at least once a week, then they might not be putting you first.

This is the reality for many people who are in relationships and have spouses who don’t want to have sex with them. 

The sexual frustration can soon turn into resentment which can lead to arguments, and eventually divorce.


All relationships have their ups and downs, and sometimes the person you love will show signs that they aren’t interested.

It’s difficult to maintain a relationship when you’re the only one working to save it, but it does not always indicate that you should throw it away. 

Even if you still love your spouse, you must come up with a plan to repair your marriage.

When people ask me for guidance on how to preserve a broken marriage, I always suggest Brad Browning, a relationship expert and divorce coach. 

Browning is a prominent author and a divorce coach who teaches critical lessons on his popular YouTube channel. 

His strategies are very powerful and may make the difference between a ‘secure marriage’ and a ‘divorce.’

Watch his simple and genuine video here.

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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