When you are not a priority in his life: 15 ways to change this

Are you frustrated because your partner just doesn’t make you a priority in his life?

Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes and I know how devastating it can feel to always come second (or even last).

The good news?

There are 15 ways to change that and make you a priority in his life again, and I will share them with you!

1) Be open-minded

When your partner doesn’t make you a priority in his life, it’s tempting to get angry about it or hurt.

However, when you are open-minded, you can be more understanding.

I’m not saying that you should accept being treated as an option that’s always there, no matter what.

However, sometimes, there are valid reasons why we might not be our partner’s number 1 priority at all times.

You might find that he has been really busy at work, trying to finish up a school project, or has something major going on in his personal life.

In those situations, instead of being mad about not being his priority, you need to be understanding and offer your support for him.

Show him that you care about what he does and how much time he spends on his work or other things he is involved in.

The thing is, you will know when he is actually neglecting you and when he has a good reason to do so.

Getting angry at him for prioritizing his work or family during a few stressful weeks is not a sign of a healthy relationship.

However, if he seems to always be busy with something else and you never see him, that might be a sign that he doesn’t care about you as much as you would like.

All I’m saying is, try to figure out if this is a temporary thing or if he always neglects you.

If it’s something temporary, you can try having an open mind and supporting him through those difficult times instead of adding extra pressure on him.

2) Don’t bend over backwards for him

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It’s natural for people to want to help those they love and care about.

However, you should never feel like you are the only one trying to make things happen in your relationship.

If you feel like this is happening, speak up!

You can’t make your partner a priority if he doesn’t seem to do the same for you.

You see, when you keep bending over backward for him and accept his behavior, he will have no incentive for making you a priority.

Think about it: if someone did everything for you without you having to do anything in return, why would you work hard?

So, stop bending over backward.

Sure, you can still do things for him, but don’t go out of your way to do things for him.

Make him work for it.

If you are always there for him, he will not appreciate you as much as he should.

He will take you for granted you might find that he starts to avoid or ignore you when he doesn’t want to be around you.

When this happens, ask yourself whether or not your relationship is worth putting in the effort required to make things work?

3) Be very clear about what you need

Okay, this might be my most important tip yet!

Men are amazing, but sometimes, they lack the skill to know what we want or need without us being very clear about it.

And by that I don’t mean hinting at it, I mean spelling it out for them!

You see, when you want to be a priority in your man’s life, you will need to make that very clear to him.

What “prioritizing you” means for him might be something completely different than what it means for you!

For example, maybe you want to feel like you’re his number one priority.

But he might feel like putting in an extra hour of work at the office will help him progress in his career, which will enable him to buy you something very nice soon.

See how things can get confusing?

This is why being very clear about what you need and what you want is so important!

But I get that sometimes knowing what you want and need is tricky. We can easily get swept up in following the crowds in demanding certain things even when we don’t actually want them ourselves.

The best approach to start reflecting on your own desires and requirements is by stilling your thoughts and then seeing what desires emerge afterwards.

My favourite way to do this is through meditation. This free 20 minute Self-Healing Meditation is a great place to get started.

Have a go and see what feelings come up after you’ve tried it.

What’s likely is that you’ll start to feel and experience emotions you haven’t recognised before, which will often be indicators of what you actually need and how you need to engage with him to make this happen.

Click here to try out the free meditation.

And for this, you need to look for solutions in the relationship you have with yourself, which are always found within.

4) Support his needs from time to time

prio When you are not a priority in his life: 15 ways to change this

If you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, try to support his needs from time-to-time.

You see, when you are somebody who supports his needs, he will see the value you add to his life and make you a priority!

The thing is, when we realize how much someone brings value to our lives, we want them to stay in our lives, right?

This doesn’t mean you have to do the dishes, fold his clothes without him having to ask, or give him a back rub after work (although I’m sure he would appreciate it).

It’s more about supporting his needs in terms of being there for him when he needs someone to talk to or being a rock to lean on for him.

Getting your needs met is an important part of any relationship, and of course, you shouldn’t forget about your own needs, either!

But when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, try to support his needs from time to time in order to make him feel like you’re there for him.

It will help him see that you can be a valuable asset to his life and make him want to show his appreciation for you by paying more attention to your needs, too.

He’ll sense your gesture and remember that it’s important to take care of you too!

And if he never reciprocates the efforts you put in?

Then it might be time to move on, sorry!

5) Show appreciation for him

One of the best ways to make yourself a priority in your partner’s life is by showing appreciation for him.

I know this sounds a little cliche, but show him everyday how much you appreciate all he does for you.

You’re probably wondering “why the hell should I show appreciation for him when he doesn’t make me a priority?”

Well, the thing is, you can teach people how to treat you by the way you treat them.

A simple thank you can go a long way.

When your partner does something for you throughout the day, let him know what it means to you and how much it really does matter to you.

And the best part?

It will encourage him to do more things for you and appreciate you even more!

This is a great way to show appreciation for your partner and will make him feel good about himself because he’s doing something that makes his girlfriend happy.

Make it more of a point to praise him when he deserves it than talking down on his actions and saying why they’re wrong or don’t work.

Positive reinforcement is often a lot more effective than relentless nagging.

6) Inspire him to reach his dreams

It can be frustrating when your partner never seems to make time for you.

Do you find yourself constantly nagging him to spend more time with you and make you a priority?

If so, stop and think about why he might not be making time for you. It could be that he is busy trying to reach his dreams.

You see, being a priority in a man’s life is usually achieved when you are someone who adds value to his life.

That means inspiring him to reach his dreams as opposed to nagging him when he doesn’t have enough time for you.

And you can do this by making him feel like he is the best version of himself when he is with you!

This will make him feel like his time with you is worth it (as terrible as that may sound at first).

And that will make him want to spend more time with you!

So how do you inspire a man?

That’s easy, by being the best version of yourself when he’s around!

If your man is an entrepreneur, be supportive of his business and encourage him to work hard.

Or if he wants to get into shape, support his efforts and make healthy meals with him.

The point here is that if your man feels loved and supported by you in achieving his dreams, then he will want to make you a priority because you bring him forward as opposed to holding him back!

Men worship the women that are by their side, supporting them all the way.

And the best part?

This will also give you the chance to work on your own endeavors!

7) Set firm boundaries

If your partner is not making you a priority in his life, the first step to changing this is setting firm boundaries.

You need to be on the offense and set clear boundaries as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

This will get him thinking about you more as he realizes how much you care about him.

You see, boundaries are important in any relationship.

They help us know what is accepted and what is not.

This allows us to feel comfortable and safe in the relationship.

But when you don’t set boundaries, you are essentially allowing your partner to walk all over you and make you a priority as opposed to him making himself a priority.

So how do you set boundaries?

It’s not hard! You just need to tell your man what it is you need from him and what you won’t accept moving forward.

And if he doesn’t want to put in that kind of effort, then you need to leave so that you can find someone who will!

You see, boundaries are different for everyone and not everyone will work well together and be on the same page.

If you feel like your man just can’t respect your personal boundaries and make time for you, he might not be the right guy.

Some women need less attention and will thrive with him, but if you need more, there’s no shame in leaving and finding someone who will give you the world.

8) Quit focusing on him, focus on yourself & learn about relationships

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I’m not saying that you need to wipe your memory and force all thoughts of him out.

However, we do have a tendency to lust over that which leaves us.

Rudá Iandê is a world renowned shaman who has helped thousands to build better relationships with themselves and with their partners.

His free Love and Intimacy Masterclass covers the bases as to how we sometimes react in relationships – often based on misconceptions fed to us by society such as the more you do, the more he’ll love you – and guides you on how to move beyond these.

I know it sound counterintuitive, to do a class focused on love when you’re trying not to be so readily available to love him, but trust me – you’ll learn a lot about how you might currently be acting without even realizing it, and how you can instead build a better relationship with yourself.

Because as cliche as it sounds, loving yourself first will lead to the most fulfilling and healthy of relationships with others.

So why not give the class a go?

9) Don’t be available at all times

Another way to become a priority in his life is to not be available at all times.

I know it sounds weird, but if you are always available, your partner may lose respect for you.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to say you’re busy when you’re actually free to hang out, but just don’t cancel plans with other people just to be with him.

Trust me, I’ve been there – I’ve canceled plans with friends just because a guy I was seeing asked to hang out.

I’m not proud of it, but I know better now.

By not being available all the time, you will make him more interested in you and give him a sense of urgency.

He will want to make sure he’s around when you’re around because he wants to spend time with you!

This also means you don’t want to be that person who texts him every hour asking what he’s up to.

You need to give him space and allow him the freedom to do what it is that he wants so that he can actually get the chance to miss you.

You see, he doesn’t need to make you a priority if you are available for him 24/7!

When you give him time to miss you, he will feel motivated to actually prioritize you in his life.

And the best part?

This will also help you keep up your friendships in your life and prevent a sense of codependency with your partner, where he is the only person in your world.

10) Let go of expectations and take responsibility for yourself

In order to make you a priority in his life, you need to change your mindset.

You can’t expect him to want the same things as you if he isn’t making any effort to meet your needs.

You have to decide what you want out of the relationship and be ok with it not working out if he doesn’t meet those needs.

This might sound difficult at first, but it’s necessary in order to take control of the situation.

When you let go of expectations, it will free up some space in your mind so that you can focus on taking care of yourself and making yourself a priority again.

This also gives you the opportunity to figure out if you are actually neglected or if you have expectations that are almost impossible to meet.

Taking responsibility for yourself and seeing in what ways you might be excessively needy is a great step to take to become a priority in his life!

Think about it: when he sees that you are taking responsibility for your emotions to some extent, he will be attracted to you even more!

11) Share your interesting thoughts with him

You may feel like you’re never a priority to him, but it’s likely that he just doesn’t know what you’re thinking or feeling.

Talk to him about your feelings and thoughts so that he knows what’s going on in your head.

You see, when you take the time to share your interesting thoughts with him, he will be more inclined to make you a priority, because he sees how smart, intelligent, and witty you are.

All of these things will make you more attractive to him and that is exactly what you want.

You want to be the most amazing person in his eyes and you want to feel like you are a priority in his life.

If he sees that you are an intelligent woman, he’ll feel motivated to make you a priority.

Be open with your emotions and share them with him so that he can see how great of a person you really are!

This also means not being shy to show him how smart you are.

I see a lot of women dumbing themselves down in order to be “cuter”.

To be honest, this might work with some men, but a lot of guys value a woman who is clever.

So, don’t be afraid to talk to him about complicated things and showing off your intellect.

This will make him more inclined to make you a priority.

12) Take care of yourself

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If you want to be a priority in someone’s life, you will need to demonstrate how to do that.

You see, it all starts with you.

Think about it: if you don’t make yourself a priority, who will?

We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.

If you are constantly putting yourself last, he will treat you in the same way.

So, if you want to be a priority in his life, take care of yourself.

This means taking care of yourself on all levels, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

  • move your body
  • nourish your body with healthy food
  • rest when you need it
  • sleep enough
  • work on your emotional issues
  • talk to friends or a therapist
  • get enough sunshine
  • take time off of social media sometimes
  • take proper care of your hygiene

The options are endless, but when you take care of yourself and make yourself a priority, you teach him how to treat you.

I learnt about the need to also form a strong relationship with myself to be able to successfully maintain connections with people I love from Rudá Iandê, whom I mentioned above.

He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.

As Rudá explains in his Love and Intimacy Masterclass, love is not what many of us think it is.

In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!

That’s why you need to be clear about your own feelings and how you view yourself to get to the root of the issue.

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. I’m sure it will also help you to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship with yourself, even if you’re not a priority for this particular person.

Click here to watch the free video.

This brings me to my next point:

13) Keep working on your own goals

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One of the best ways to show your partner that you are a priority in their life is to continue working on your goals.

No matter how much time and effort your partner puts into making you a priority, if you don’t put any work into yourself and your own goals, you won’t get far in life.

It’s not all about your partner, you need your own goals and ambitions in life.

Sure, your relationship can be important to you, but don’t make it your sole focus in life.

Working on your own goals and ambitions will not only make you more attractive, but it will also take your mind off of the relationship a bit and give you something else to focus on.

And the best part?

When you work on your own goals, your partner will be impressed and will want to make you a priority in his life.

Just as you need to know what you want to tell him, you’ll also need to reflect on what makes you tick to set your own goals.

The answer?

More meditating!

Not to sound like a broken record, but the best thing you can start doing is working on yourself and getting to know your mind better by mindfulness and meditation.

Check out this free Self-Healing Meditation if you haven’t already.

14) Don’t lower your standards for him

Sure, a lot of these ways have to do with working on yourself in order to find a solution to your problem.

However, one thing you should never do is lower your standards just to stay in that relationship with him.

If you are not getting what you need out of this relationship, it is time for you to find someone who will treat you like the queen you are.

Someone can be a great guy, but just not be compatible with you.

Give him the opportunity to know what you need, but before you wait around for years for him to change, respect your own needs and find someone better!

15) Time to make yourself a priority!

Now, you have the tools to make yourself a priority in his life.

You know that it’s not always his fault and you have learned how to change your mindset and behavior so that he will want to make you a priority in his life.

You know that it’s ok to leave if he doesn’t meet your needs and that you need to take responsibility for yourself.

It’s time for the final step: take action!

Start implementing these steps in your life so that you can become a priority in his life.

He will notice the changes and be more attracted to you than ever before!

Final words

By now you should have a good idea of how to become a priority in his life. Try the tips above and you will definitely have a good chance at gaining his attention and becoming one of his main focuses.

But remember, at the end of the day – you don’t need to be his priority either.

Sure, if he’s the one for you, this can be a great outcome, but don’t go chasing men who aren’t interested nor compatible just for the sake of it.

You should always be your own first priority. Everyone thereafter can add a whole lot to your life, but will still come second.

Nonetheless – good luck in securing the bag!



Picture of Anna Scheucher

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more https://www.fullyholistic.com/!

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