Are you frustrated because your partner just doesn’t make you a priority in his life?
Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes and I know how devastating it can feel to always come second (or even last).
The good news?
There are 16 ways to change that and make you a priority in his life again, and I will share them with you!
1) Be open-minded
When your partner doesn’t make you a priority in his life, it’s tempting to get angry about it or hurt.
However, when you are open-minded, you can be more understanding.
I’m not saying that you should accept being treated as an option that’s always there, no matter what.
However, sometimes, there are valid reasons why we might not be our partner’s number 1 priority at all times.
You might find that he has been really busy at work, trying to finish up a school project, or has something major going on in his personal life.
In those situations, instead of being mad about not being his priority, you need to be understanding and offer your support for him.
Show him that you care about what he does and how much time he spends on his work or other things he is involved in.
The thing is, you will know when he is actually neglecting you and when he has a good reason to do so.
Getting angry at him for prioritizing his work or family during a few stressful weeks is not a sign of a healthy relationship.
However, if he seems to always be busy with something else and you never see him, that might be a sign that he doesn’t care about you as much as you would like.
All I’m saying is, try to figure out if this is a temporary thing or if he always neglects you.
If it’s something temporary, you can try having an open mind and supporting him through those difficult times instead of adding extra pressure on him.
2) Don’t bend over backwards for him
It’s natural for people to want to help those they love and care about.
However, you should never feel like you are the only one trying to make things happen in your relationship.
If you feel like this is happening, speak up!
You can’t make your partner a priority if he doesn’t seem to do the same for you.
You see, when you keep bending over backward for him and accept his behavior, he will have no incentive for making you a priority.
Think about it: if someone did everything for you without you having to do anything in return, why would you work hard?
So, stop bending over backward.
Sure, you can still do things for him, but don’t go out of your way to do things for him.
Make him work for it.
If you are always there for him, he will not appreciate you as much as he should.
He will take you for granted you might find that he starts to avoid or ignore you when he doesn’t want to be around you.
When this happens, ask yourself whether or not your relationship is worth putting in the effort required to make things work?
3) Bring out his inner hero
A great way to become a priority in your man’s life is to bring out his inner hero.
I know, it sounds weird, but there’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you, and you will be his priority.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
4) Show appreciation for him
One of the best ways to make yourself a priority in your partner’s life is by showing appreciation for him.
I know this sounds a little cliche, but show him everyday how much you appreciate all he does for you.
You’re probably wondering “why the hell should I show appreciation for him when he doesn’t make me a priority?”
Well, the thing is, you can teach people how to treat you by the way you treat them.
A simple thank you can go a long way.
When your partner does something for you throughout the day, let him know what it means to you and how much it really does matter to you.
And the best part?
It will encourage him to do more things for you and appreciate you even more!
This is a great way to show appreciation for your partner and will make him feel good about himself because he’s doing something that makes his girlfriend happy.
Make it more of a point to praise him when he deserves it than talking down on his actions and saying why they’re wrong or don’t work.
Positive reinforcement is often a lot more effective than relentless nagging.
5) Support his needs from time to time
If you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, try to support his needs from time-to-time.
You see, when you are somebody who supports his needs, he will see the value you add to his life and make you a priority!
The thing is, when we realize how much someone brings value to our lives, we want them to stay in our lives, right?
This doesn’t mean you have to do the dishes, fold his clothes without him having to ask, or give him a back rub after work (although I’m sure he would appreciate it).
It’s more about supporting his needs in terms of being there for him when he needs someone to talk to or being a rock to lean on for him.
Getting your needs met is an important part of any relationship, and of course, you shouldn’t forget about your own needs, either!
But when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, try to support his needs from time to time in order to make him feel like you’re there for him.
It will help him see that you can be a valuable asset to his life and make him want to show his appreciation for you by paying more attention to your needs, too.
He’ll sense your gesture and remember that it’s important to take care of you too!
And if he never reciprocates the efforts you put in?
Then it might be time to move on, sorry!
6) Be very clear about what you need
Okay, this might be my most important tip yet!
Men are amazing, but sometimes, they lack the skill to know what we want or need without us being very clear about it.
And by that I don’t mean hinting at it, I mean spelling it out for them!
You see, when you want to be a priority in your man’s life, you will need to make that very clear to him.
What “prioritizing you” means for him might be something completely different than what it means for you!
For example, maybe you want to feel like you’re his number one priority.
But he might feel like putting in an extra hour of work at the office will help him progress in his career, which will enable him to buy you something very nice soon.
See how things can get confusing?
This is why being very clear about what you need and what you want is so important!
If he doesn’t know, it’s impossible for him to give it to you!
You can do this by being very specific about how to treat you and what you would love to see from him in order to feel like a priority.
This way, you’ll have no doubt in his mind that yes, he’s making an effort to be a priority in your life!
There’s nothing wrong with asking your partner to do some things for you.
The key is to not be passive-aggressive, but instead, have a calm conversation about it!
That way, he won’t get defensive and will actually listen to what you are trying to convey to him!
7) Inspire him to reach his dreams
It can be frustrating when your partner never seems to make time for you.
Do you find yourself constantly nagging him to spend more time with you and make you a priority?
If so, stop and think about why he might not be making time for you. It could be that he is busy trying to reach his dreams.
You see, being a priority in a man’s life is usually achieved when you are someone who adds value to his life.
That means inspiring him to reach his dreams as opposed to nagging him when he doesn’t have enough time for you.
And you can do this by making him feel like he is the best version of himself when he is with you!
This will make him feel like his time with you is worth it (as terrible as that may sound at first).
And that will make him want to spend more time with you!
So how do you inspire a man?
That’s easy, by being the best version of yourself when he’s around!
If your man is an entrepreneur, be supportive of his business and encourage him to work hard.
Or if he wants to get into shape, support his efforts and make healthy meals with him.
The point here is that if your man feels loved and supported by you in achieving his dreams, then he will want to make you a priority because you bring him forward as opposed to holding him back!
Men worship the women that are by their side, supporting them all the way.
And the best part?
This will also give you the chance to work on your own endeavors!
8) Set firm boundaries
If your partner is not making you a priority in his life, the first step to changing this is setting firm boundaries.
You need to be on the offense and set clear boundaries as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not.
This will get him thinking about you more as he realizes how much you care about him.
You see, boundaries are important in any relationship.
They help us know what is accepted and what is not.
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This allows us to feel comfortable and safe in the relationship.
But when you don’t set boundaries, you are essentially allowing your partner to walk all over you and make you a priority as opposed to him making himself a priority.
So how do you set boundaries?
It’s not hard! You just need to tell your man what it is you need from him and what you won’t accept moving forward.
And if he doesn’t want to put in that kind of effort, then you need to leave so that you can find someone who will!
You see, boundaries are different for everyone and not everyone will work well together and be on the same page.
If you feel like your man just can’t respect your personal boundaries and make time for you, he might not be the right guy.
Some women need less attention and will thrive with him, but if you need more, there’s no shame in leaving and finding someone who will give you the world.
9) Get advice from a coach
While the points in this article will help you to become a priority in your man’s life, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
You see, sometimes it’s just nice to talk to a third party about things.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like not being a priority. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago.
After feeling helpless and like I was neglected for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
10) Don’t be available at all times
Another way to become a priority in his life is to not be available at all times.
I know it sounds weird, but if you are always available, your partner may lose respect for you.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to say you’re busy when you’re actually free to hang out, but just don’t cancel plans with other people just to be with him.
Trust me, I’ve been there – I’ve canceled plans with friends just because a guy I was seeing asked to hang out.
I’m not proud of it, but I know better now.
By not being available all the time, you will make him more interested in you and give him a sense of urgency.
He will want to make sure he’s around when you’re around because he wants to spend time with you!
This also means you don’t want to be that person who texts him every hour asking what he’s up to.
You need to give him space and allow him the freedom to do what it is that he wants so that he can actually get the chance to miss you.
You see, he doesn’t need to make you a priority if you are available for him 24/7!
When you give him time to miss you, he will feel motivated to actually prioritize you in his life.
And the best part?
This will also help you keep up your friendships in your life and prevent a sense of codependency with your partner, where he is the only person in your world.
11) Let go of expectations and take responsibility for yourself
In order to make you a priority in his life, you need to change your mindset.
You can’t expect him to want the same things as you if he isn’t making any effort to meet your needs.
You have to decide what you want out of the relationship and be ok with it not working out if he doesn’t meet those needs.
This might sound difficult at first, but it’s necessary in order to take control of the situation.
When you let go of expectations, it will free up some space in your mind so that you can focus on taking care of yourself and making yourself a priority again.
This also gives you the opportunity to figure out if you are actually neglected or if you have expectations that are almost impossible to meet.
Taking responsibility for yourself and seeing in what ways you might be excessively needy is a great step to take to become a priority in his life!
Think about it: when he sees that you are taking responsibility for your emotions to some extent, he will be attracted to you even more!
12) Share your interesting thoughts with him
You may feel like you’re never a priority to him, but it’s likely that he just doesn’t know what you’re thinking or feeling.
Talk to him about your feelings and thoughts so that he knows what’s going on in your head.
You see, when you take the time to share your interesting thoughts with him, he will be more inclined to make you a priority, because he sees how smart, intelligent, and witty you are.
All of these things will make you more attractive to him and that is exactly what you want.
You want to be the most amazing person in his eyes and you want to feel like you are a priority in his life.
If he sees that you are an intelligent woman, he’ll feel motivated to make you a priority.
Be open with your emotions and share them with him so that he can see how great of a person you really are!
This also means not being shy to show him how smart you are.
I see a lot of women dumbing themselves down in order to be “cuter”.
To be honest, this might work with some men, but a lot of guys value a woman who is clever.
So, don’t be afraid to talk to him about complicated things and shoeing off your intellect.
This will make him more inclined to make you a priority.
13) Talk about your emotions
The next way to become a priority in his life is to talk to him about your emotions.
Men have a protective instinct and they want the women in their lives to feel good.
When you open up to him and tell him your honest feelings (without being passive-aggressive or blaming him directly), he will want to do anything in his power to make you a priority.
You see, men love it when a woman is vulnerable with them. It makes him feel strong and like he can take care of you.
So: if you allow him to hear your emotions and what you are feeling, he will feel the need to make you a priority.
So, share your feelings with him and allow him to take care of you.
This is one of the fastest ways to become a priority in his life.
This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to make you a priority.
And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.
All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.
14) Take care of yourself
If you want to be a priority in someone’s life, you will need to demonstrate how to do that.
You see, it all starts with you.
Think about it: if you don’t make yourself a priority, who will?
We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.
If you are constantly putting yourself last, he will treat you in the same way.
So, if you want to be a priority in his life, take care of yourself.
This means taking care of yourself on all levels, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
- move your body
- nourish your body with healthy food
- rest when you need it
- sleep enough
- work on your emotional issues
- talk to friends or a therapist
- get enough sunshine
- take time off of social media sometimes
- take proper care of your hygiene
The options are endless, but when you take care of yourself and make yourself a priority, you teach him how to treat you.
This brings me to my next point:
15) Keep working on your own goals
One of the best ways to show your partner that you are a priority in their life is to continue working on your goals.
No matter how much time and effort your partner puts into making you a priority, if you don’t put any work into yourself and your own goals, you won’t get far in life.
It’s not all about your partner, you need your own goals and ambitions in life.
Sure, your relationship can be important to you, but don’t make it your sole focus in life.
Working on your own goals and ambitions will not only make you more attractive, but it will also take your mind off of the relationship a bit and give you something else to focus on.
And the best part?
When you work on your own goals, your partner will be impressed and will want to make you a priority in his life.
16) Don’t lower your standards for him
Sure, a lot of these ways have to do with working on yourself in order to find a solution to your problem.
However, one thing you should never do is lower your standards just to stay in that relationship with him.
If you are not getting what you need out of this relationship, it is time for you to find someone who will treat you like the queen you are.
Someone can be a great guy, but just not be compatible with you.
Give him the opportunity to know what you need, but before you wait around for years for him to change, respect your own needs and find someone better!
17) Time to make yourself a priority!
Now, you have the tools to make yourself a priority in his life.
You know that it’s not always his fault and you have learned how to change your mindset and behavior so that he will want to make you a priority in his life.
You know that it’s ok to leave if he doesn’t meet your needs and that you need to take responsibility for yourself.
It’s time for the final step: take action!
Start implementing these steps in your life so that you can become a priority in his life.
He will notice the changes and be more attracted to you than ever before!
By now you should have a good idea of how to become a priority in his life.
So what can you do to make this a reality faster?
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.