When to leave a lying spouse? 9 things you need to consider first

If you are wondering when you should leave your lying spouse, it is important to first understand what will happen.

It’s also important to consider the long-term effects of your decision and take responsibility for your actions as well.

Lying spouses often act independently from their spouses and create more problems that need to be addressed in order for the divorce process to move on smoothly.

There is a lot of work involved in having a successful divorce, so it may not be wise for you to leave without considering all of these 9 things beforehand.

1) They avoid eye contact

One of the most common signs of a lying spouse is that he or she is avoiding eye contact.

The lying spouse will avoid eye contact with you and may even look down.

Even if your spouse avoids eye contact, it doesn’t mean that they are telling the truth.

When a spouse is telling you a lie, he or she may even look your way.

But, they will quickly divert their eyes when you look back at them.

Notice that!

This is a sign that they are nervous or uncomfortable when you look their way for a reason other than their truthfulness.

If your partner ever lies to you, you need to find out why.

2) They change their story in mid-sentence

According to research published, the lying spouse typically changes their story in mid-sentence.

The changed story could be something as simple as admitting to their infidelity or telling the truth about something completely unrelated, like a work-related situation.

The lying spouse will typically change their story to suit the current circumstance.

It is important for you to pay attention if your partner is changing their story during a conversation.

It may be a sign that they are lying to you.

Are you really surprised that your partner lied?

After all, you know that he or she lied to you about something before, right?

Maybe you don’t fully believe them now, but will your partner be able to change their story when they are engaged in a fight?

Do they know what they are doing when they show up to court unprepared and starting the conversation with, “Don’t judge me”?

It is important for you not to accuse.

But it’s also important for you to be ready.

3) They change their behaviors

If you are wondering when to leave a lying spouse, you should be careful about the changes that have occurred since your relationship started.

These changes could be anything from a drastic change in personality or habits, such as a dramatic weight loss or gain, to your partner suddenly having mood swings and outbursts of anger.

For example:

If you ever asked your partner “Why did you do that?” and they told you “Because I needed to”, it was likely a lie.

They may have needed to because their children needed to, or because their boss told them to, or simply because they were tired.

It depends on the situation and how the lying spouse reacted.

If your partner is constantly lying about trivial situations, then it’s likely that they are also lying about other serious situations.

But you know what?

Changing behavior isn’t always a sign that your partner is actually lying to you. Considering this, sometimes it gets harder to interpret their actions and behave accordingly.

That’s why I’m going to suggest speaking to a professional relationship coach if you notice that you can’t understand the reasons why they change their behavior.

Certified relationship coaches at Relationship Hero will share their unique insights and suggest practical strategies to analyze their behavior and determine how you should react.

Click here to check them out.

4) Being vague, or offering few details

When you are wondering when to leave a lying spouse, this is another sign that you should pay attention to.

That’s because it’s likely that your partner isn’t telling you the truth about what happened.

They may be lying about something small, like where he or she was last night, or something big, like why they are late all of the time.

When you get a vague answer, it’s likely that they are pretending to tell the truth and not really being honest.

This is when you should start to prepare yourself for the fact that you may never get the full story.

Don’t forget – a spouse who lies about the little things, will lie about the big things.

Make sure to pay attention so you can address the situation in the future.

5) Defensive attitude

How does one know when to leave a lying spouse?

Seeing your partner become defensive tells you that they are hiding something, or afraid that they will be questioned.

This makes them more likely to lie.

To recognize this, you need to ask yourself a few questions:

Have I noticed a change in mannerism?

Have I noticed a change in my spouse’s behavior?

The lack of eye contact, the lack of enthusiasm for conversations, the lack of responsiveness?

Have I noticed a change in the way they react to things?

6) Saying “no” several times

The lying spouse will often respond to a question by saying “no” several times.

However, if you really think about it, people don’t usually answer a question by saying “no”.

They either ignore the question or give a short answer.

If you are constantly asking your spouse questions and are always met with negative responses, then you should start to get suspicious.

It’s true!

You may be telling yourself that your spouse isn’t telling the truth because that would explain why he or she always says “no”.

When you are asking, do your best to provide the full context and make sure that the lying spouse understands what you are asking about.

It’s important for them to understand what you are asking about in order for them to answer appropriately.

If they continue saying “no”, keep repeating the question until they give you a clear answer.

But don’t forget – make sure that you are asking them a question that they should be able to answer.

7) Body language that is contradictory

When you are wondering when to leave a lying spouse, you need to pay attention to their body language.

That’s because this is often the best way for you to show whether your spouse is being honest with you.

A liar will often act differently than how they really feel, which can create a contradiction between their words and their body language.

For instance:

If you ask your partner “Are you happy?” and they respond by hugging you, but refrain from looking you in the eye, it’s likely that they are lying.

It’s easy to know when someone is avoiding eye contact with you.

To know for sure, start looking for behavioral signs before things get too heated.

The truth is that most liars are not professionally trained in deception – they are simply hiding something and don’t know how to do it effectively.

8) Your spouse tries to distract you

One of the best practices to remember when you are wondering when to leave a lying spouse is that they will try to distract you and lead you away from the topic.

This is one of the most effective ways to avoid getting the full story.

To know if this happens, look for behavioral signs.

Imagine this:

If your spouse nonchalantly mentions their kids, or a friend, or their job, and you don’t respond to this immediately, it’s likely that they are trying to distract you.

Make sure to not let them get away with it.

When your partner begins trying to distract you, it’s likely that they are lying.

pexels mike jones 9050623 When to leave a lying spouse? 9 things you need to consider first

If you notice this happening, don’t let it distract you.

If you are curious about something, try asking your spouse again – maybe they weren’t able to answer that time.

If they are always avoiding the topic, then keep asking until you get the truth.

9) Your spouse becomes distant

Another important sign that can help you know when to leave a lying spouse is that they start becoming distant.

This is another common sign that they are lying. 

If you are constantly questioning whether or not your spouse is telling the truth, it’s likely that they will eventually become distant.

This is because they are trying to protect their imaginary story.

In other words, when your partner starts distancing themselves, it’s likely that they are hiding something.

So what’s the point?

One of the main problems with lying is that it often puts a strain on the relationship.

It results in a lack of trust, which eventually drives a wedge between the partners.

Things become so strained that you and your partner will eventually break down.

This is when things get almost impossible.

If you don’t want that to happen, it’s crucial that you develop ways to help you determine if your partner is lying to you.

The sooner that you identify the signs of deception, the easier it will be for you to figure out what is going on and address it before things get too heated.

So how to deal with a spouse who is lying to you? Here are 4 ways for you if you fall into this tough situation.

1) Set healthy expectations for honesty

It’s important that you have what I call “common-sense rules” for honesty in the relationship.

What this means is that you must set boundaries with your partner, and they must understand what lies within each boundary.

As long as they do not cross the boundaries that you have set, they are being honest with you.

That said, each boundary should be clear and understood by both of you.

If you don’t, this will make it easier for your partner to get away with lying.

So what should you do?

Make sure that both of you understand what it means to be honest and trustworthy in the relationship.

Then have a conversation about what it will mean to live with someone who is being honest and trustworthy.

This way, nobody will ever be confused about what it means to do the right thing when it comes to honesty.

What this means is that you must set boundaries with your partner, and they must understand what lies within each boundary.

As long as they do not cross the boundaries that you have set, they are being honest with you.

That said, each boundary should be clear and understood by both of you.

For example, if you feel like your spouse is too often lying to you about going out with friends after work for a drink, you should let them know about this boundary so that it does not hurt your feelings.

2) Pause to think before responding to what your partner is telling you

If you are wondering when to leave a lying spouse, it’s important that you slow down and pause before responding to what your partner is telling you.

This way, your response will be more thoughtful, and there will be less confusion.

In other words, it will be easier for you to understand what they are actually saying.

You can even go as far as getting some time alone to collect your thoughts and formulate a thought-out response.

You will not have to wonder later on whether or not your response was appropriate.

So how do you do this?

One of the best ways to pause before responding is to try saying “What does that mean?” or “Help me understand that better” or “What’s going on here?” in a questioning tone of voice.

This way, it will be much easier for your partner to explain their point, giving you a chance to think through what they’ve said.

3) Ask direct questions or challenge what your spouse is saying

One of the easiest ways for you to figure out if your spouse is lying is to ask them directly about what they are telling you.

“What I love about this technique,” says Dr. Cederborg, “is that it works on almost everyone because we all have to answer questions, even if the answers are potentially embarrassing or difficult.”

In order to avoid having our responses misinterpreted, we have to go through the process of clarification.

“It is this practice that allows us to do what we love best and what we have to do in life, which is to ask and answer questions. So let’s all use this technique as often as possible.”

For example, when your spouse is telling you that they don’t get along well with their colleagues at work, you could simply say something like: “Let me help you think about this.

4) Rely on your instincts

We all have an instinctive sense of right and wrong.

So what should you do when you feel like your spouse is lying to you?

Listen to your gut feelings – they will help you to know when to leave a lying spouse.

In many cases, your instincts are subconscious – meaning that it’s not something that you can necessarily explain to yourself.

So listen to what they are telling you and trust them.

They will never lie to you.

If you notice your partner is lying to you, but it doesn’t always seem like they are trying to hide something, then you should still be very careful.

In this case, your instincts will most likely be telling you that there is something going on.

But sometimes our instincts can mislead us.

So if you sense that something is going on but it doesn’t make sense, don’t ignore your gut feelings.

Listen to them.

If you are wondering when to leave a lying spouse, it’s important that you slow down and pause before responding to what your partner is telling you.

Final thoughts

Hopefully, by now you’ve got a better idea of the things you need to consider before leaving a lying spouse.

But if you’re still unsure of how to go about resolving your marriage issues, I’d recommend checking out this excellent video by marriage expert Brad Browning.

He’s worked with thousands of couples to help them reconcile their differences. From infidelity to lack of communication, Brad’s got you covered with the common (and peculiar) issues that crop up in most marriages – including dealing with a lying spouse.

So if you’re not ready to give up on yours yet, click the link below and check out his valuable advice.

Here’s a link to his free video again.

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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