When not to use the no contact rule? 9 situations you should ignore it

The no contact rule is useful in many awkward situations.

Following the no contact rule is an excellent way to start the process of moving on from a relationship.

However, this rule is not a one-size-fits-all strategy for dealing with heartbreak or any other kind of personal rejection.

In some situations, it may not be advisable to cut someone out of your life completely because it might make things worse rather than better.

If so, what should you do?

Let’s look at 9 situations where no contact is not the best idea and you should adopt a different method instead.

1) You feel more anxious than excited about the relationship

When you feel more anxious than excited about the relationship, it can be a sign that there are problems in the relationship.

You might have a lot of questions about the future and whether the relationship will work out.

You might be worried that things won’t go as well as you’d hope, or that you won’t be able to keep your partner happy and satisfied.

When you feel more anxious about the relationship, don’t use the no contact rule.

It can actually make things worse.

When you’re experiencing a panic attack or feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, talking to your partner can be very helpful.

You may be able to express your feelings and feelings of helplessness, which can help you feel less stressed and more in control.

It’s also important not to assume that avoiding him or her is going to solve anything.

It may intensify your anxiety and make it harder for you to be assertive with him or her when the time comes.

Instead, try talking to him or her and working on ways to communicate more effectively with each other.

It’s important to explore them so that you can work to solve them before they become larger and harder to resolve.

So, please contact and share your feelings about what’s going on.

2) When you’re dealing with betrayal

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Being in a relationship with someone you care about is one of the best feelings in the world.

However, things can go wrong and you deal with betrayal.

You find out the person you are dating is already in another relationship.

Don’t use the no contact rule with your partner in this case.

No contact means that you do not talk to your partner for a couple of weeks and let them feel free in their new relationship.

This is a common way to end a relationship because it prevents you from talking to your partner and being hurt directly.

However, you will get upset and it’s not good for you.

So don’t, please.

I know you’re in a state of shock and grief but keeping contact with your partner to make it clear is the only way to give you relief later.

Although it hurts you, it helps you to know if you should stop or continue this relationship.

And if you decide to break up with them, the first step is to not use the no contact rule, too.

Instead, let them know that you are ending the relationship through words that show that you are not trying to avoid them.

Only by that way, you will be able to end this relationship with ease and be ready for new things in the future.

Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?

Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…

When you’re dealing with betrayal, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.

I want to suggest doing something different.

It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.

As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.

We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like betrayal.

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If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.

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3) There are unresolved issues between you and your partner

No contact with a person you have a problem with, might seem like the obvious choice.

But it is not always the best one.

This will obviously limit the amount of time you spend around your partner to understand the problem and solve it.

And it might result in an argument, which could lead to more fighting and tension between you.

When you cut off all contact with your partner, they may feel like they have lost all of their options.

They may begin to feel resentful toward you and your behavior.

Get this:

The best way to deal with this situation is to be open and honest with one another.

If you are willing to listen to what your partner has to say, then you can work through any issues that are causing problems in the relationship.

It may be possible to work out a compromise that takes both of your needs into account.

4) Your partner has done something that has hurt you deeply

There’s a popular saying: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

While that may be true for some relationships, when your relationship is on the verge of breaking apart, it’s never too early to take action

Especially if you’re feeling stressed out and worried about what to do next.

When a partner hurts you, it can be incredibly hard to know how to respond.

However, when you are in the middle of a fight, or even when you’re just having a disagreement, it’s best not to use the no contact rule.

Instead, try to talk things out.

Even if you feel like your partner is being unreasonable and unreasonable things are happening, don’t let that stop you from trying to talk things out.

It may take a long time for the situation to calm down, but eventually this will happen.

Remember that it is mostly better to be direct and open than to be vague and ambiguous.

5) When your partner needs an apology from you

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If you feel that you must apologize to your partner, do not use the no contact rule.

Instead, do so in person.

Show that you are sorry by being open to communication.

This will allow you to show your sincerity and avoid any awkwardness that may come when the two of you meet again.

By taking the time to truly apologize, you can make things right with your partner and ensure that they know that you are sorry for hurting them.

There are several ways to approach this.

One way is to be sincere.

If you do not mean to hurt your partner, then it is okay to express your remorse for doing so.

Another way is to show them that you understand why they feel the way that they do.

This can take the form of explaining what you did or why you did it in a way that makes sense.

Talk about what happened and why it happened.

You can even apologize for things that you did not do.

The most important thing is to be honest and look out for their feelings first and foremost.

Don’t worry if you cannot say everything right away.

It may take time for you to feel comfortable enough to talk about your faults.

Just try to be there and learn from your mistakes.

6) There is no trust in the relationship

Trust is an essential part of any relationship.

Without trust, there can be no intimacy, which can make it difficult for a couple to communicate effectively and build a strong bond.

One of the most important things that you can do to develop trust in your relationship is to be honest with each other.

I mean the no contact rule is not good at all to build trust.

Why no contact is not a good idea?

It may result in the break up of the relationship because both parties feel rejected and misunderstood.

No contact can cause frustration and even anger on both sides.

It can result in one person feeling like the other did not trust them enough to be open with them, and the other feeling like their partner did not trust them enough to tell them the truth.

Be open and honest about your feelings and let your partner know when you need space or time alone.

By being honest with your partner, you can show them that you trust them and that they can trust you as well.

Of course, there are some situations where it may be necessary to stop a relationship temporarily due to some issues that need to be resolved before the two of you can trust each other again.

But it’s just a short time for you to manage your emotions and protect yourself while still allowing the relationship to remain intact.

7) Your ex still wants to be friends

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It’s hard to stop seeing your ex, even if you want to.

While it’s important to not contact your ex during this time, it’s also important to remember that it is still okay to be friendly with them.

If you are still on good terms with your ex, the no contact rule might be unnecessary.

You don’t have to end all contact with them if they are being friendly with you.

You should just keep the lines of communication open so that you know what is going on with them and so that you can continue interacting after the break up.

But keep in mind:

Even if your ex is willing to be your friend after you end things, it’s important to communicate clearly from the beginning so there aren’t any misunderstandings or awkward interactions.

8) There is a child involved or other shared responsibilities

Breaking up with someone is hard, but as soon as you have a child with them, things can get even more complicated.

You may be tempted to use no contact rules to maintain a level of normalcy in your life, but it doesn’t always work that way.

From a young age, many children learn that their parents’ relationship is their primary source of love and security.

When there’s no conflict, this can be a source of comfort for kids.

However, if your child is exposed to conflicts in your relationship and you don’t contact each other, they may develop the belief that no contact rule is normal and acceptable.

While it might feel like the right thing to do when you have a problem with your partner, enforcing a no contact rule is rarely going to work long term.

So, ignore the no contact rule to maintain the relationship for the sake of your kid.

9) When you’re dealing with an abusive relationship

It’s important to note that the no contact rule is one of the most controversial rules for dealing with an abusive relationship.

There are many reasons why people choose to follow this rule, but in reality it can cause more problems than it solves.

The no contact rule means cutting off all contact with your abuser as a way to punish them and make them feel guilty.

While this may seem like a good idea at first, if you continue to ignore your abuser they will eventually lose all respect for you.

By ignoring the abuse, you are actually giving your abuser permission to continue their behavior.

In essence, you are giving them the green light to continue tormenting you.

When you’re dealing with an abusive relationship, do not use the no contact rule

if your partner has committed some form of abuse and violence towards you.

And if they are abusive in other ways like verbally or emotionally, then no contact is not the best option in these situations.


The no contact rule is useful, but it isn’t always the best course of action.

It should not be used as a permanent solution to problems.

It can also have negative effects on your own life if you are unable to make new connections and form new relationships.

So if you feel that this is happening, stop doing it.

Don’t be afraid to communicate and bring up topics you want to talk about.

This will help you have a more open and honest relationship and avoid any future hurt feelings down the line.


Picture of Nguyet Yen Tran

Nguyet Yen Tran

Yen is a freelance writer and a researcher specializing in mental health, self-awareness, and psychology. Her hobby is studying human behavior throughout their reaction upon situations. Be sure to check out her other posts on our blog.

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