Dating a narcissist can be so frustrating and depressing.
If you’re in the middle of that right now, I can relate to you. I broke up with my narcissist girlfriend three months ago.
But I have a confession:
I still think of her all the time. I hate that I do, but I do.
If you’re like me, then you’re probably wondering about something…
You have a very simple question:
Does this person even care about you at all, for real? Or is it all a ruse?
How do they feel when they see you moving on with your life and doing well or do they only care about themselves and how they’re doing?
15 things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good
Here’s the situation if you’re like me:
You find this person’s self-absorption and narcissism maddening but you still care about what they think.
All too often isn’t it the case that we love someone who’s not necessarily the best for us?
Well, here’s how to know what’s going on in your narcissist partner (or narcissist ex’s) head and heart when they see you acing life and looking great.
1) First off: yes, they do care
First off among the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good is that they feel jealous.
Think about it:
They’re a narcissist. What they want and crave is approval, attention and praise for them.
When they see you getting recognition, appreciation and looking pretty damn good, they feel a twinge of jealousy and resentment.
That well-being and positive vibes should be all about them, not somebody else.
Even one hot selfie on social media or one great promotion for you and they’re already feeling the bitter sting, believe me.
The narcissist cares a lot about the good reactions and situations of others, but in a kind of reverse way.
They care because they want all that good stuff for themselves and are annoyed and resentful that somebody else is getting it.
If they used to be your partner they will also potentially want to get back together with you now that they see you’re winning at life (or love, or whatever other category they notice you doing great in).
2) Secondly: they react to you doing well in strange ways
When a narcissist sees you looking good and they want a piece of the action, they tend to act kind of strangely.
After all, their goal is to get attention. Really any attention will do, but especially your attention or at least the attention of those who are admiring you.
To achieve this, they will engage in some often very petty and bizarre behaviors.
- Leaving annoying and confrontational or sarcastic comments on your social media posts and photos
- Posting attention-getting photos, videos and livestreams to try to drive people their way instead
- Talking to your friends and trying to start rumors or drama about you or people surrounding you
- Starting fights with you as a way to derail you from the positive track you’re on
- Making a show of dating someone new to try to get your attention or threatening and hinting at cheating to throw a wrench in your powerful energy flow.
3) They try to make you feel like sh*t
This is just about the worst of the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good: they try to make you feel like shit.
Either directly through contacting you or indirectly through friends and rumors, they try to make you doubt your own value and ability to be loved.
That guy, that girl? Nah, they’re trash… This is the kind of message they try to spread in order to bring you down.
So the question is: are you buying it?
Far too many times I’ve dated someone who I let bring down my own opinion of myself and doubt my own worth.
It led to a lot of wasted time and energy chasing love in all the wrong places and all the wrong ways.
I helped turn around my mistakes after watching this mind blowing free video, from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
He explained why I kept running into a brick wall and having awful relationships or nasty breakups.
He showed the right way to find love and intimacy in a much more reliable and worthwhile manner.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to dealing with dating a narcissist and breaking up with one.
If you’re done running in circles and giving your time and energy away over and over only to get disappointed, you should really check out what Rudá has to say.
4) They want to one-up you
Unfortunately the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good are rarely good, although I will talk about some rare good reactions.
They sometimes will see your success as something they need to one-up.
They must be widely seen as having outdone you.
If you got a nice car, they got a brand-new test model that’s an amazing, diamond-encrusted hybrid Hummer from their rich friend.
If you get a new job, they start a new company.
If you get a new girlfriend, they get a new Sugar Daddy who’s literally a billionaire.
Dr. Darius Cikanavicius explained well about this, writing that “when they see someone else doing well, they feel envy and resentment.
Here, the narcissist believes that they deserve whatever you have achieved because they are better than you.”
This leads to some nasty competition, especially if they’re not as successful as you in many ways and the bitterness keeps growing.
5) They hate to see you happy
The narcissist does have emotions. They are not a sociopath or psychopath, at least not necessarily.
For that reason, they do have genuine feelings and go through many of the same things as the rest of us.
The difference is that their experiences all revolve around one North Star: them.
You may be happy or sad or having a tragedy or a huge win: but how does it relate to them and their success and their recognition?
These are the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good: they get unhappy. They quite simply don’t like somebody else to be getting some of the limelight.
6) They get antsy because their supply is drying up
The narcissist is the enemy of a win-win situation.
He or she wants the whole spotlight, not just part of it. They want the cheers, the applause, the money and the attention fully on them.
If you’re looking good they will become unhappy and they will also become desperate.
The reason is that if they are dating you they will worry that you will outshine them.
If you’re on a break, they will worry that your former enabling and placation of them has come to an end.
They want back on the gravy train!
7) They get off on your pain
Another of the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good is that they get off on your pain.
The Germans have a special word for this: schadenfreude.
It means experiencing joy from somebody else’s suffering, and it’s the narcissist’s trademark.
Does this mean narcissists are all bad people?
Not necessarily, it means they are broken people. They can only understand and appreciate life as it revolves around them.
When that stops happening, they interpret the misfortune of others as a win for them.
It’s quite sad, really.
8) They try to go zombie on you
Zombie-ing is when a guy or girl dumps or ghosts you and then reappears weeks or months later like nothing happened.
Hallelujah, they’re back from the dead and claiming they’ve had a change of heart.
Narcissists love to do this.
They run through their roster of options and spend time with whoever gives them the most validation, attention and intimacy.
Then when they get their ego stroked to exhaustion by one person they’re back at your door, their curiosity piqued by the fact that you seem to be doing OK.
They want some of your love and attention once again.
Will you give it to them?
9) They ask around about you
If the narcissists sees you doing well and looking swell, they’re going to get antsy.
They will ask around about you to basically check that you’re doing as good as you seem to be.
They want to know if more about what the deal is and will ask friends, family and anyone else for details.
If you’re in a time out or breakup, don’t be expected for them to go behind your back or cross lines to find out more of what you’re up to.
10) They make a move
When the narcissist sees you looking good, they want to get that limelight from you and have the adoration on them.
A way to do this is to make a move and seduce you or try to get back in your good books.
They not only want to tap into the winning energy and success and beauty you’re manifesting, they want to take it away.
Appealing to you on a seductive level can be a way to do that. To get you invested and addicted them once again so that they can use that to wrest your eyes and the eyes of others back onto them.
11) They try to make you envious
Sometimes the narcissist will see you looking good and not know how to assuage their own feelings of envy and resentment.
For this reason they then will try to make you jealous…
They may start dating someone new, hinting at cheating if you’re together, bragging about their great job or otherwise making it clear that their own life is far ahead of yours.
It’s up to you to resist these kind of tactics, even though they can be surprisingly convincing.
11) They play mind games
Mind games are a specialty of the narcissist.
They may try to gaslight you into thinking that you yourself are the narcissist…
Another favorite tactic is to convince you that your own success is actually oppressive, unearned or over-the-top.
The bottom line is that they will try to make you doubt yourself and turn to them for reassurance.
Which is when they then demand that you bow down and worship them once again.
12) They start a fight
Sadly, narcissists will sometimes reach a point of desperation and do certain negative things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good.
They’ll start a fight. Often the fight will be over nothing.
They’ll insult you, criticize you or start an argument with a friend of yours.
They’ll try to cause drama in your family or problems at your work.
They’ll call you ugly or fat.
Whatever it takes to get you feeling like sh*t and engaging (and giving that pure attention) with them.
13) They sulk
Narcissists can be be expert manipulators.
If their other tactics don’t work they will sometimes sulk.
Playing the victim can be useful and effective for them, like a chameleon.
You may begin thinking that you’ve judged them too harshly or really hurt them deep inside with your own success and happiness.
Poor baby, maybe you should just give him or her one more chance, right?
14) They try to change
I believe that everyone can change if they put their heart and mind to it and are consistent.
This includes narcissists.
Now and then the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good is that they become aware of their jealousy and resentment and begin to dig into why.
They then work at changing that part of themselves that resents the success of others and craves all the attention.
And they become a potentially better and more mature partner for you.
The bottom line
The bottom line is that unless the narcissist you’re dating or were dating is on step 15, you’re probably better off avoiding them.
I know that’s easier said than done, and love doesn’t always play by the rules.
With that said, never forget your own value or sacrifice it to the whims and issues of another person.
Always remember that the search for true love and intimacy starts with you.