10 ways to respond when a guy suddenly goes cold on you

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Picture this.

So you’ve been going out with him for a few weeks, and he’s every bit as charming and handsome as you hoped he’d be.

And then something strange happens: he goes cold on you!

You are left to wonder, why?

A guy who suddenly goes cold on you can be a confusing and puzzling experience.

Most of the time, it’s easy to identify what has happened: one pretext after another seeming to mean the same thing until you realize he doesn’t want anything to do with you.

The more difficult part is deciding what your next move should be, because whatever you decide usually depends on your situation.

We’re not going to act like it doesn’t hurt because it does! It truly does.

But there are ways to bounce back from this — and while they won’t always work, they’ll definitely help!

Read on below for ten proven tips on how to respond when a guy suddenly goes cold on you, complete with some advice based on his possible reasons for doing so.

1) Be patient.

You never know he may have a good reason for pulling away from you.

As much as it sucks to be left hanging, he may just need a bit more time to decide what he wants.

A guy goes cold on you for many reasons, and there’s nothing to do but be patient and ride it out.

Give him some space if that’s what he asks for. . . even if it breaks your heart!

Now you have time to work on yourself, be happy with yourself, and find fulfillment elsewhere.

If he doesn’t come around after a while, then he wasn’t right for you in the first place (and that’s totally okay).

Why keep someone in your life if they don’t want to commit their time and energy to you?

Because that’s what love is about: commitment, dedication, sacrifice.

2) Don’t take it personally.

You’re not a prize to be won or a toy he can play with.

Don’t take it personally. . . That’s just the way he is.

What’s happening has nothing to do with you or the relationship — it’s just a reaction to the change he’s facing, even if he doesn’t want to acknowledge that fact.

He may feel suffocated or trapped by being in a relationship, and yet, at the same time, knows that he can’t truly be alone again, either.

What you need to do instead of making it about you is simply remind yourself that what he does or does not do is out of his control — you have no power over that.

So instead of calling him or texting him, use this time to remind yourself that you are amazing and that he doesn’t see you in the right light.

Remind yourself that you can do so much better on your own.

3) Don’t judge.

You’ve probably been giving him a hard time or judging him in some way.

You may have judged him for being so selfish or for not putting you first in his life.

Don’t do that.

Something was going on in his life that made him do what he did.

But there’s absolutely nothing you can do about this situation now.

He’s already made up his mind, and he’ll stick to it — even if that means that he isn’t right for you.

It’s not your fault, and nor does it mean that you’re a bad person. You can still love him for everything he is without any relationship.

Blaming yourself (or your friends, family members, exes) doesn’t help the situation one bit!

All it does is make you feel worse about yourself and make any confrontation at all much more difficult because of that guilt and worry.

If he really doesn’t want to see you anymore, then don’t waste your time trying to convince him otherwise.

Forgive yourself for this because you were simply reacting to something that happened, instead of actively listening and putting yourself in his situation to understand what might have triggered it.

Again — don’t let this guy ruin your day!

4) Let go of his actions and look at them from his point of view.

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If he did something that hurt you, then he shouldn’t be punished for it. At the same time, you should not torture yourself over it.

You deserve so much more than that.

If he felt like giving up on you, then that’s perfectly okay by you. And if he didn’t, then that’s his own choice, too.

So make sure that you put yourself in his situation and understand that your actions are quite different from others — no matter how hard you try to be like them.

If you’re unsure about what happened, ask him about it or give him time to explain himself later on.

There’s nothing like getting answers directly from the source. It’s a lot better than hearing about his actions from someone else.

Stop trying to force him to do what you think is right for him — let him be the one who makes those decisions and live with them, too.

He may be affected by your absence, as you are, but he’s the one who is making that choice for himself.

No one did this to you — so take a moment to think about whether he’s truly worth it to you.

Most people aren’t worth the time it takes to love them and make them happy — and I would strongly recommend finding someone who is!

5) Don’t go after him until you know where he stands.

If you’re not ready to let him go, then don’t!

However, don’t bother with trying to get in touch with him or chasing after him.

Don’t ask your friends for help, either — he’s old enough to face the consequences of his actions.

Nothing good can come out of harassing someone into being with you if they don’t want to be there.

In fact, it might backfire on you and hurt your chances of getting him back even more than they already are!

Wanting something isn’t enough to make it happen. You have to do something about it when you’re ready — but only if it will benefit you in the long run.

But the one thing you should do is not contact him for a while — at least until you know where he stands.

It’s hard not to get involved when things get so cold and distant, but it’s still crucial that you don’t go after him if he doesn’t want your company anymore.

Don’t make it worse by showing up where he lives or at the places he frequents. Don’t call him or text him constantly.

If he wants space, THEN you should give him space.

Chances are that if he’s giving you a bit of time now, he’ll come around.

He just needs time to think about it — so give it to him!

Remind yourself that if he wanted you in his life, he’d be there to talk to you. Otherwise, it’s not worth wasting your time trying to get his attention yet again.

Be strong and take care of yourself. . . remind yourself that is exactly what a good man would do!

6) Remember that this is his loss — not yours.

Don’t beat yourself up about things because the truth is that this is not your fault.

It’s not that you aren’t good enough for him, it’s just that he’s not ready to make the necessary changes in his own life to be with you.

If a guy wants you in his life, he’ll make room for you no matter what — and if he doesn’t get to that point, then it’s his loss.

If he doesn’t want what you’re offering, then he is missing out — not the other way around!

The longer he stays away from you, the more confident and happy you’ll become because you’re getting to know your real self instead of trying to fit someone else’s image of a “perfect girlfriend.”

So don’t go around thinking it’s your loss. . . you’re not alone in this.

And that makes the pain a little less excruciating and the hurt a little easier to take.

Plus, remember: his loss is likely just a test.

This too shall pass — and the more time passes, the less hurtful it will become.

7) Get busy with friends and family.

Don’t waste your time and energy agonizing over a guy who’s not worth it.

Instead, spend your time and energy on the people and things that are important to you.

This is how you’ll be able to appreciate life more when your heart has been broken.

Spend more time with friends, family, pets (if you have any), exercising, hobbies, etc.

There has to be a time when you learn to let go and trust the people you care about.

Don’t sink under the weight of someone else’s expectations.

If he doesn’t think that you deserve better, it’s his loss! Go and do better on your own!

But don’t worry — as we said before, this is just a test.

You’ll never be alone again because YOU will always be there for YOU!

Embrace the fact that you have so much going on in your life, and revel in all of the great things you have going for yourself (friends, family, education).

The best thing to do when this happens is to go out with friends or family or spend some time alone doing something that relaxes you.

8) Focus on trusting who you are and what you want with yourself.

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It’s time to turn the page and move on to a new chapter of your life.

When things like this happen, you always feel like you’re the one who made a mistake.

But the truth is that it doesn’t matter how good of a person you’ve been — someone else gets to judge your worth as a person based on their own beliefs about relationships and not your own.

What you care about should come first.

So don’t be hard on yourself for something that was out of your control!

Work hard at loving yourself now more than ever before.

You have a strong and amazing sense of self that you can use to take care of yourself.

So spend time with YOURSELF — it’s worth it.

As you get to know yourself better, you’ll see that you’re exactly who you want to be and what you want out of life.

You’ll always have a lot of fun, love, and happiness if you learn how to put other people in their proper place.

And if, for some reason, he didn’t deserve another chance by now, so be it! But don’t torture yourself about it!

You deserve way better than what this guy is putting on the table.

You are worthy of so much more than someone who doesn’t want you, who isn’t on the same page with you or doesn’t appreciate your efforts.

Take care of yourself and focus on what’s important: You! 💓

9) Allow yourself to heal on your own.

You will heal when you are ready, and once you are ready, you will be able to do things on your own again.

Don’t allow anyone — especially a guy — to dictate what you can and cannot do.

He is not your heartbreak — he is the cause of it.

You may not find yourself in this situation ever again, so enjoy it while it lasts.

When it’s over with (and you’ll know that when it’s over), move on with your life without him in it anymore.

No one knows you better than you do.

So take some time to get to know yourself.

Focusing on you rather than him is the best thing that you can do right now.

Take this time to heal, reflect, and do something that makes you happy!

This is a pain that will go away soon. It’s worth fighting through it because once it’s gone, it’s gone forever!

You don’t have control over him, but you do have control over how you react to things — and sometimes, what looks like a bad situation may be a blessing in disguise.

The reason why is because it allows you time to become more self-aware and self-confident!

During this time when he’s gone cold on you, give yourself some time away from any outside relationship factors so that you can spend some much-needed quality time with just yourself.

10) Do things to make yourself happy without him.

When this first happened, and you felt devastated, it sucked to feel like you were so alone and abandoned.

Try not to give yourself time to wallow in this sadness — because the sadder you feel, the more difficult it will be to move on.

Do things that make you happy! Socialize with your friends or go out dancing or exercising!

You’re not tied down by him — you’re tied down by yourself.

You can do anything that makes YOU happy because all of your decisions stand on their merit, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

When something turns out right for YOU in your life, it’s worth celebrating rather than dwelling in the past.

Don’t base your happiness on someone else. He’s not a prize, and you’re not doing this to win anything.

Be happy with yourself, and love who you want to love (and who loves you back).

It’s more important that you are happy — not him. And you deserve happiness, so don’t waste it on someone else.

One of the keys to your way back to happiness is knowing what you want out of life, and then going after it with all of your might!

It will make all of the difference in the world when you can do something that makes YOU happy, and if he isn’t around for whatever reason…Good!

You didn’t need him anyway! But you still want to live a full life — one filled with love, laughter, and fun.

You can do that without anyone else.

To sum everything up

Sometimes, we cling on to people who we know aren’t the right person for us — just because we don’t want to be alone.

After all, being single is scary sometimes.

But you know what’s scarier?

You are wasting away your life with someone who makes you unhappy!

It might not be easy to let go of someone you love, especially when they turn their back on you.

But if he doesn’t want to see you anymore, then that’s his loss.

You don’t have to keep on begging or pressuring him into spending time with you or being with you.

You don’t have to sit around waiting for him. You don’t even have to expect him to miss your presence in his life at all!

You don’t owe him anything, and you sure don’t need him for anything.

Just stop waiting for someone to treat you like gold, and start taking care of YOU.

It always starts with loving yourself. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel when you make yourself happy!

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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