We don’t often talk about it, but the truth is, even in the happiest marriages, attraction to others can happen.
You’re not alone if you’ve ever found yourself noticing someone new despite being in a committed relationship.
Why is that? Is it something to worry about, or is it a normal part of life?
In this guide, we’ll take an open and honest look at why married women might find themselves attracted to other men and what it means for their relationships.
1) The search for novelty
Humans are wired for novelty. It’s an inherent part of our nature.
Marriage, while beautiful, can sometimes bring about a sense of predictability, routine, and familiarity. And while there’s comfort in that, there’s also a craving for the unfamiliar.
This is where attraction to other men can come into play. It’s not always about discontentment in the marriage or a lack of love for their spouse. Sometimes, it’s simply about the thrill of the new.
The allure of a new person can be intoxicating – their different ways of thinking, unique perspectives, and unfamiliar habits.
2) Emotional connection
Many people think physical attraction is the driving factor in these cases, but let me tell you, it’s often not the case.
From my own personal experience, emotional connection plays a massive role.
I remember when my best friend Laura was going through a rough patch in her marriage.
She and her husband were constantly bickering and had stopped communicating effectively.
Around the same time, she met Mark at work.
He was understanding, empathetic and a great listener.
He provided the emotional support she felt she wasn’t getting at home.
Slowly, she found herself gravitating towards him, not because he was more handsome or successful than her husband, but because he offered an emotional connection she desperately craved.
3) Evolutionary instincts
It might sound bizarre, but our biological makeup plays a role too.
According to evolutionary psychology, women are naturally inclined to seek out partners who display signs of good genes and the ability to protect and provide.
In the modern world, this could translate to being attracted to men who are successful, confident, or physically fit.
It’s not a conscious decision, but rather a deep-seated instinct that’s been ingrained over thousands of years of human evolution.
In a marriage, if a woman feels her partner is lacking in these areas, she could potentially find herself attracted to other men who embody these traits.
4) Lack of appreciation
Appreciation is a fundamental human need. We all crave recognition and acknowledgement for our efforts, especially in a relationship.
In a marriage, when a woman feels unappreciated or taken for granted, she may start to feel invisible or undervalued.
This can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment.
In such cases, attention from another man can often fill the void created by this lack of appreciation.
It can make her feel seen, valued, and desired again.
5) The thrill of the forbidden
There’s something about the “forbidden fruit” that’s hard to resist.
The thrill, the adrenaline rush, and the excitement of doing something taboo can be a powerful draw.
In the context of a marriage, attraction to another man can sometimes be fueled by this very thrill.
The idea of stepping outside the boundaries of marital norms can be exciting and add an element of spice that may be lacking in their daily routine.
This isn’t to say that every woman will act on this attraction or that it’s morally correct to do so.
However, it does help in understanding why some married women might feel drawn to other men.
6) The longing for companionship
Marriage is more than just a romantic partnership.
It is a deep bond of friendship, companionship, and mutual understanding.
But what happens when that companionship starts to fade?
When conversations become monotonous, shared interests start to dwindle, and laughter becomes a distant memory?
It’s in these moments of emotional solitude that the heart might start seeking companionship elsewhere.
Another man who shares her interests, laughs at her jokes, or simply enjoys her company can become an attractive prospect.
7) Lack of self-esteem
I remember a time in my life when I was struggling with my self-esteem.
I constantly doubted my worth and felt like I wasn’t good enough.
During this time, I found myself subconsciously seeking validation from others, especially men.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but lack of self-esteem can often lead married women to be attracted to other men.
When you don’t feel good about yourself, the attention and compliment from another man can provide a temporary boost to your self-esteem.
It’s a band-aid solution to a deeper problem.
8) The impact of a healthy marriage
Surprisingly, a happy and fulfilling marriage doesn’t make you immune to attraction towards others.
In fact, feeling secure in your relationship can sometimes give you the freedom to acknowledge and explore these feelings without guilt or fear.
When a woman is in a healthy marriage, she might feel more confident and attractive which can draw attention from other men.
And it’s completely normal to enjoy that attention and even feel a spark of attraction.
The key here is understanding that attraction and action are two different things.
It’s possible to feel attracted to someone else and yet remain committed to your spouse.
It’s all about managing these feelings in a way that respects the boundaries of your marriage.
9) Need for emotional growth
As humans, we are constantly evolving and growing. Our needs, desires, and perspectives change over time.
This growth also extends to our emotional lives.
Sometimes, a woman might feel that her emotional growth is stunted in her marriage.
She might crave conversations, experiences, or connections that help her grow and evolve emotionally.
Another man who stimulates this emotional growth can become attractive.
It’s not about dissatisfaction with the spouse but more about fulfilling the need for personal growth and evolution.
10) Unmet needs
At the core of it all, attraction to others often boils down to unmet needs.
It could be a need for appreciation, companionship, novelty, or emotional growth.
If these needs aren’t being met within the marriage, it’s natural for a woman to seek them elsewhere.
This doesn’t mean she wants to leave her marriage or that she doesn’t love her spouse.
But it does highlight the importance of open and honest communication in a marriage.
It’s vital to express your needs, desires, and feelings to your partner and work together to ensure that both of you feel fulfilled and satisfied in the relationship. If you struggle with this, I highly suggest checking out this free video on Love and Intimacy – it helped me learn how to communicate my needs in a healthy and clear way.
What to do if you’re attracted to another man
So, what should you do if you find yourself attracted to another man while being married?
First of all, take a deep breath.
Attraction is a natural human experience and doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with you or your marriage.
Here’s how to navigate those feelings in a healthy way:
- Acknowledge the Attraction
It’s important to first recognize and accept that attraction can happen. It doesn’t mean you’re going to act on it or that you’ve done something wrong. Denying or suppressing it can lead to confusion or misplaced guilt. Acknowledging it, however, gives you the power to understand it better. - Reflect on the Cause
Take some time to understand why you might be feeling this way. Is it a sign of unmet needs in your marriage? Are you feeling emotionally disconnected from your spouse, or is it simply the excitement of something new and different? Understanding the root cause can help you figure out how to address it. - Don’t Rush to Act on It
Attraction is just a feeling. It doesn’t have to dictate your actions. Remember, feeling attracted to someone else is one thing, but what matters is how you handle it. Resist the urge to act impulsively. Giving yourself some space to process these emotions will allow you to make thoughtful decisions rather than ones driven by temporary excitement. - Talk to Your Partner
Open and honest communication with your spouse is crucial. If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected or neglected, it’s important to bring it up. It may feel daunting, but addressing any underlying issues in your relationship can help strengthen your bond and reignite the spark within your marriage. - Set Boundaries
If you find yourself spending more time thinking about or interacting with the person you’re attracted to, it might be time to establish some boundaries. This can help prevent situations that could lead to emotional or physical infidelity. Protecting your marriage means knowing when to pull back and focus on your partner. - Focus on Your Marriage
Instead of fixating on the new attraction, shift your energy towards your marriage. Find ways to reconnect with your spouse. Plan a date night, try a new activity together, or have deep, meaningful conversations. Reinvesting in your relationship can reignite the passion and emotional connection that may have faded over time. - Seek Support if Needed
If you find yourself struggling with these feelings or if they’re causing distress, it might be helpful to seek advice from a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor. Sometimes talking through your emotions with someone who can provide objective insight can make all the difference.
In short, attraction to another man while being married doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It’s about how you handle these feelings, communicate with your partner, and focus on what truly matters: your commitment to one another.
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