7 ways to know if it’s real love, according to psychology

So, you’ve been dating for some time now, and things are going really well with you and your partner: You two click and enjoy each other’s company, and you definitely have feelings for each other.

But if you find yourself questioning whether what you have is genuine love or perhaps just chemistry, I’ve got 7 tips to help you determine exactly that:

1) You feel at home 

Genuine love doesn’t leave you feeling anxious, questioning your worth or the nature of your relationship with your partner.

Instead, you feel grounded and certain of the feelings and respect you have for each other.

Being together feels like this cozy, warm blanket of security that you know will be there for you at anytime, anywhere.

Hanging out with your partner doesn’t feel forced or something you need to prepare for mentally.

On the contrary, it feels like the only thing you want to do after a long day at work or a busy time with family.

They recharge you with the intense feelings of safety they provide.

2) You’re comfortable in your skin

You know, feeling at home with your partner means being able to kick back and be yourself, no masks required.

You don’t filter your thoughts or feelings for fear of being judged. You know you’re accepted for who you are. And vice versa.

One surefire way to tell it’s the real deal is if you both feel totally okay showing your true, vulnerable selves to each other.

See, when you’re caught up in the excitement of a crush, it’s all too easy to put on your best, most polished self, tucking away any flaws.

But if it’s real love, you’re okay with them seeing you when you’re not at your best—whether you’re low on energy, having one of those days, or just in need of a venting session.

In a truly loving relationship, both partners accept each other, on good days and bad.

My last relationship? It didn’t make the cut.

We really enjoyed our time together, but both of us were too afraid to show our true selves, even after a year in.

We avoided the tough conversations and hid the less glamorous sides of our lives, always trying to keep things smooth.

Having experienced genuine love before, I could tell what we had wasn’t the real thing, and eventually, we went our separate ways.

3) You’re not interested in other people

Another dead giveaway that you’ve hit the real love jackpot? You just aren’t interested in looking for anyone else.

Why bother? 

You’ve got everything you need: emotional connection, brainy conversations, and that physical spark. There’s no wandering eye because you’re totally fulfilled.

And then there’s the respect you have for each other—it’s off the charts. This kind of respect means you’re both all-in, committed to the max, without having to make a big show of it. No need to shout your love from the rooftops; the way you treat each other says it all.

4) You’re willing to go the extra mile

Going the extra mile really spells out true love in a relationship.

It’s their way of declaring, “I’m in this for the long run, and I’m committed to making it work.”

This dedication requires both effort and time, manifesting in various ways.

Whether it’s carving out quality time for each other, being there during tough times, or even changing personal habits that aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship, it all counts.

I remember a friend who started therapy to tackle her anxious attachment style. She didn’t want anything to jeopardize the special connection she shared with her partner.

Seeing her take those steps, I realized just how deeply in love she was. She was ready to put in all the necessary work to ensure their relationship thrived.

5) You feel inspired

When your partner keeps inspiring you—maybe nudging you to try that new hobby or encouraging you to tackle that language class—it’s a sure sign of genuine love. Couples who are head over heels for each other just naturally bring out the best in one another, you know?

But wait, there’s more.

You’ll also notice yourself being genuinely curious about them, eager to hear their take on things and soak up their fresh perspectives. Being in a real-deal lovey-dovey relationship feels like living in a world of endless fascination and excitement, where you’re both constantly intrigued and inspired by each other.

6) You think long-term

When you’re truly in love, it’s natural to start thinking about the long haul.

I’m not talking about obsessing over your future with someone you just met—definitely not that!

I’m referring to when you’ve spent significant time together, you click, and you fulfill each other’s needs. In those cases, chances are you both share a similar vision for the future and see yourselves together in it.

Making big decisions together, like moving in, planning vacations, or even adopting a pet, is a clear indication of long-term commitment. It shows that you’re both invested in building a future together and creating a life that includes each other.

7) You’re grateful to have them

When you’re in a loving relationship, it’s not just about being head over heels for your partner; it’s way deeper. You’re seriously grateful to have them around, and you’re constantly amazed by how awesome they are.

Taking them for granted? Not a chance! 

You’re all about showing them some serious love and appreciation. Whether it’s leaving cute little love notes, planning surprise dates, or just straight-up telling them how much they rock, you’re always finding ways to make them feel special.

Final thoughts

Remember: spotting the signs of true love isn’t just about recognizing grand gestures. It’s about feeling that deep connection, seeing eye to eye on the big stuff, and being each other’s biggest cheerleaders.

Whether it’s the little things like leaving love notes or the big decisions like planning your future together, true love shows up in all sorts of ways.

Trust in those signs, follow your gut, and know that true love isn’t just a fairy tale—it’s out there waiting for you to find it.

Picture of Lily Gareth

Lily Gareth

Beirut-based writer with a flair for all that is artistic. Follow her on Instagram: @raysofdisarrays

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