15 ways to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally

When someone hurts you emotionally, they may think they’re making the situation better by saying it’s not a big deal or that you need to move on.

But there are ways to feel better and make them realize the mistake they made, like talking about it with your friends, meeting new people and having fun, and reminding yourself of how amazing you are.

It’s important that you deal with someone who hurt you emotionally, whether you focus on how you react to it or how you communicate with the person who hurt you.

Here are 15 ways to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally.

1. Think about the situation.

When someone hurts you, they’re not necessarily doing it on purpose. They’re reacting to their own emotions and don’t realize the effect their words have on you.

They may see it as a simple thing, like a joke or an offhanded comment that doesn’t mean anything, but those statements are still hurtful because you don’t feel confident or good about yourself when they’re said to you.

Either way, they did something that hurt you, but it’s important to determine if they did it on purpose or if they just said something they didn’t mean.

Try talking to them and asking them how they meant what was said. If they don’t apologize, then you’ll know that it was intentionally cruel and their words really hurt your feelings.

2. Know that it’s not about you.

When someone insensitively hurts your feelings, you probably believe it’s because of something wrong with you.

As someone who deals with similar situations everyday, I’ve learned that it’s better to consider the situation before you assume what the person means or if they did it on purpose.

It’s also important that think about why you’re reacting to what they said. For example: You may be irritated because their comment was insensitive and hurtful, but you may also think that they’re a bad person or have low self esteem and don’t realize it.

By having these thoughts and acknowledging that the situation isn’t about you, you can get over the situation faster.

3. Focus on yourself.

When someone hurts you emotionally, it’s easy to blame yourself for their words or actions, but it’s important that you realize that they have their own feelings and emotions going on, too.

You may be overthinking the situation and getting upset to the point of not even knowing what they meant by what they said.

It’s also important to think about your own feelings. You may be hurt, but so is the person who hurt you.

Take a step back from the situation and try to think of it with your own thoughts and feelings, then acknowledge that it happened and focus on yourself for a little while. It’ll be easier to deal with the situation when you focus on yourself instead of making it about you.

While the points in this article will help you deal with someone who hurt you emotionally, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like dealing with someone who hurt you emotionally. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems. 

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.  

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were. 

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

4. Call or text them.

When someone hurts you emotionally or says something that’s not true, it’s important to confront them about what was said. But if you don’t feel like talking about it and are mad at them, you can still call or text them.

Sometimes just knowing that they’re thinking about the situation and not bringing up the topic in conversation can help them get over it faster.

Also, always be honest with how you feel after talking to someone who hurt you. Be sure to say how you feel, but don’t overdo it and rant. You want them to think about what they said, not completely avoid them.

5. Meet new people.

When someone hurts you emotionally, sometimes it’s hard to think about talking to anyone else in the future because you’re still thinking about what happened.

To help yourself move on, try meeting new people and hanging out with others who aren’t the person that hurt you.

It’s important that you’re happy and having fun with them, not because of the person you’re hanging out with.

6. Call your friends or family to vent.

When someone hurts you emotionally, they may act like it’s nothing or even say that they didn’t mean to hurt you and it was just a joke. But no matter how they act or how much they try to excuse themselves, their words were still hurtful to you.

It’s important that you talk to someone about the situation, and if you don’t want to confide in your friends, then talk to your family.

They can help you get over the hurtful words in a more understanding way.

This may not fix the pain, but at least they’ll know that something is bothering you and will try to help you be more confident in yourself again. It’s a good idea to talk to them before they bring up the topic of what happened between you and the other person.

7. Try and see it from another perspective.

When someone says something that hurts your feelings, you have your own opinion about it and may believe that it was purposely unkind or uncalled for. But, there’s a chance that the person didn’t mean for their words to be hurtful – either because they didn’t think before saying what they said or they were just joking around.

Try to see everything from their perspective, and give them a chance to explain how they were just joking around.

It’s important that you don’t completely believe that they’re lying or trying to cover up what they said but rather, try to see it from their perspective and let them know how it hurt you if you don’t understand their reaction.

8. Remind yourself of your inner beauty.

When someone hurts your feelings, you may think that you’re ugly and not good enough. But if you truly love yourself and think you’re beautiful on the inside then it shouldn’t matter what they say to you.

Remind yourself of how much others like you and believe in your inner beauty. As time goes on, the hurtful remark will seem so insignificant compared to how good of a person you really are.

9. Don’t let the situation get to you.

When someone hurts your feelings, you may feel like you’re completely alone and that nobody else feels the same way as you do. But don’t let yourself think like this because there are so many others who deal with similar situations as well and they feel hurt just like you do.

Being attentive to their concerns can help not get bogged down by their words and make them seem more insignificant compared to your own life in general.

10. Try and see their point of view.

When someone hurts your feelings, it’s easy to think that they’re an awful person because of how insensitive they were. But try and see their side of things because there may be more behind what they said than you think.

They may have had a bad day or didn’t mean to hurt you with their words. It’s important to forgive them and try to understand why they said what they said instead of taking it personally.

11. Stay positive.

Instead of getting upset about what someone said to you, try staying positive and think about the kind things that people say to you.

Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive when you’re dealing with a hurtful situation, but it’s important that you don’t let yourself get too caught up in the pain. Letting yourself feel bad only makes the situation worse because it keeps you locked in a negative mindset.

12. Find a way to cope.

Sometimes you may feel like your outlook on life is completely shattered and you’re unable to find the strength to move on. But it’s important that you find a way to cope with what someone said to you because it can negatively affect how you feel about yourself and how others see you.

Think of ways that you can cope with the situation. Don’t let yourself feel like you’re alone because you have friends and family who will support you no matter what.

13. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

When someone hurts your feelings, one way to deal with it is to think about how you said something mean or unkind to someone else in the past, and that they probably felt the same way that you do now.

Try not to put yourself down or feel bad about the situation because it won’t help the situation. Focus on what you can improve in yourself instead.

14. Stay away from them for a while.

If you talk to the person who hurt your feelings, then you may make them feel worse about what they said. But if you don’t want to talk to them for a while, that’s okay too.

Don’t let yourself be around them because they didn’t deserve to be around someone so kind and beautiful as you.

15. Avoid them if you can.

If the person who hurt your feelings doesn’t seem to care about the situation, then don’t talk to them or hang out with them because their actions aren’t going to help their situation. If they don’t want to see you or talk to you anymore, then it’s best for you not to interact with them at all.

The relationship you have with yourself is what really matters

We often get triggered by the behavior of others, so it is helpful to see the bigger picture and realize that it is our own self-worth that we must focus on.

We have all heard the saying ‘you can’t love others until you love yourself’ which means that in order to have meaningful, healthy relationships with others, we must first take care of ourselves. If you are unable to love yourself, then you may be less able to attract people who do care about your well-being.

To learn more about what it takes to have healthy, meaningful relationships with others and begin to take care of yourself, check out our free masterclass on love and intimacy with the shaman Rudá Iandê.

As one of the masterclass attendees said:

“In my experience, when somebody hurts me it’s either because they can’t see me as I am or that I presented myself in a way that made them think I was someone else. The most important thing is to see ourselves as we are, love ourselves and share who we really are with others.”

Learning to move on from toxic relationships

It’s also important to remember that regardless of what happens with others in our lives, we can always always choose how we react to these situations. We do not have to allow the words or behavior of others dictate how we feel about ourselves on the inside.

We always have a choice as to how we respond and the most important thing is to stay true to yourself. So if a person is hurting your feelings, you can choose to ignore or make a joke about the situation and move on from it.

If you believe that you are beautiful and valuable, then someone’s hurtful words are no match for that. You can make the best of any situation because as long as you’re aware of what is going on inside, it doesn’t really matter what other people say to you. In fact, we have all made the choice to be kind and loving even when all the odds were against us.

Choose kindness

Even if someone has hurt us emotionally, we can choose to focus on being kind in as many different areas of our lives.

We can be kind to the person who hurt us (as long as we are standing up for ourselves and not being a doormat).

We can be kind to the new people we meet.

We can be kind to the environment.

We can be kind to our family and friends who care about us.

And we can be kind to ourselves… how?

By accepting who we are and truly being thankful for all that we have, for there is much more joy in making a difference in the world if you feel happy, fulfilled, at peace with yourself and the people in your life.

How to be kind to ourselves

The most important way to be kind to ourselves is to recognize that we are already beautiful, worthy and valuable.

We can do this by focusing on our beauty from the inside out, no matter what society says about what is ‘beautiful’. We deserve to feel good about ourselves so let’s make it a point to focus on the positive aspects about us and not give others the power to define us (or our collective appearance).

This means investing our energy in things that add value to our lives instead of material things or people who only want to bring us down.

If you want to learn how to bring the beauty inside you out into the open, I recommend checking out the masterclass on relationships with the shaman Rudá Iandê. It’s been attended by thousands of people and the feedback from the attendees is tremendous.

Here’s what one other person said:

“I took the Love and Intimacy Masterclass to learn more about myself and how to nurture my relationships with other people. I came to so many realizations about myself in this masterclass, and am grateful for how it has positively affected my life.”

If you want to restore your sense of beauty and value, then check out the masterclass on love and intimacy with the shaman Rudá Iandê today.

Living your life for today

Today we live in a society where we are constantly being told what to do and what’s right. People are judged on their looks, mannerisms and actions in life.

However, if you can change your priorities from trying to achieve material goals that are ruled by the outside world, to bringing a sense of beauty into your life and living with true meaning, purpose and direction then you will be able to truly make the world a better place. You will be able to live your life in a way that bringing value to others is what truly matters.

The other way around is not true – there are always people who want to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself. It’s what society wants us all to do, but if we choose instead to live our lives with more purpose, direction and meaning, then we can have a positive impact on the world around us and on the people in it.

How to be kind to the world around you

If everyone in the world took care of themselves and made a conscious effort to bring more beauty into their lives, then our society would truly be a better place.

We could make it our goal as individuals and as a group to live every day with true meaning, purpose and direction. We would all have community support, create beautiful things together and look out for one another so that we can create a healthier world.

And when we take care of ourselves and make the world a better place and focus on bringing more beauty into our lives, then we will naturally attract people who also want to do the same.

How to be kind to others

If you want to be kind to others, then simply let go of your judgements about them and their actions. You don’t have to judge their choices or actions – just be supportive of them and help them become happy in life.

We can do this by helping them find the answers to their questions, be there for them and support them. We don’t have to force ourselves on other people, we should just let go of any judgement that we may have towards people and focus more on being kind to them as individuals.

Other ways of being kind to others include:

Letting people blend into the background instead of jumping up and down in their faces all day.

Letting people be themselves without judging or criticizing them.

Letting them be happy in their own way.

Letting them do what they need to do without trying to change their choices or actions.

However, we must be sure that our curiosity is intelligent and it doesn’t come from judging or criticizing other people. It should be done in a way that doesn’t hurt or harm others and only seeks out what is truly true for that person.

And the most important thing about being kind to others is to never hurt another human being intentionally.

Thanks so much for reading my article on how to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally.

If I could offer one piece of parting advice it would be this: do all that you can to get rid of your anger and hurt, so that you can have a better life.

And if you have any further questions please leave them in the comments section below.

Picture of Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.