7 ways introverts and extroverts show their love differently

Introverts and extroverts tend to show love in different ways.

So an extroverted partner might already be expressing their love for you but you’ll fail to see it because you expect them to do it in introverted ways, and vice versa.

That’s why, I will talk about how introverts and extroverts show their love differently.

Perhaps it can help you understand them much better.

1) Extroverts want to see the world with you; introverts want to create a world with you

EXTROVERTS want to show their partner the world. They’d want to try things together, go places together, learn about history and culture together.

They’d also attend parties to make friends with other people who can help you expand and grow as a couple.

If you’re with an extrovert, don’t be surprised that you’re starting to become a “power couple” who’d host parties and attend conferences.

INTROVERTS, on the other hand, don’t want any of that. Or they want, but only to a certain degree. They prefer to create a world with their partner instead.

They’d create a lovely home where they and their partner can feel totally at ease. They’d cook delicious dishes, take care of pets, and have a huge collection of books and records.

Introverts also get talkative when they feel that you’re a safe person, so they will talk your ears out when they feel like it. And you’ll have your own signs and codes, and inside jokes.

Being with an introvert feels like you’re in your own little world—a world that only the two of you know.

2) Extroverts give grand gestures; introverts give small acts of service

EXTROVERTS love giving big surprises. You might come home from work one day to see a 1000 roses in your apartment.

Or you might find yourself surprised when what you thought was a regular night out turns out to be a date in an exclusive 5-star restaurant.

You’re greeted by these surprises when you least expect them. And where the introvert gives their gifts quietly, extroverts make sure to be grand and bombastic.

INTROVERTS, on the other hand, are more inclined to make small acts of kindness—but they do it daily.

They tend to be more thoughtful and this thoughtfulness is something that a lot of people fail to notice simply because they don’t make a big deal out of it.

They’d cook your favorite meal, they’d choose the show you want, and they’d offer you massages every so often.

And all of this is entirely unbidden, without you asking them to do it for you or them asking for something in return.

3) Extroverts shower you with attention; introverts love simply being there

EXTROVERTS would feel uneasy and worried when their partner is quiet.

They’d ask “Are you okay?” or “Why are you quiet?”. Or they’d simply go ahead and start a conversation so there’s no dead air.

They think that being quiet means there’s something wrong—that they’re incompatible or that their partner is actually unhappy.

INTROVERTS, on the other hand, see no problem with silence.

Sure, they’d give their partner attention (they love to!), but they won’t consider it a red flag if they’re not talking 24/7. In fact, introverts think being able to have comfortable silence is a sign of a good relationship.

They’re also happy just doing NOTHING with you.

They see something special about being in the same room as the person you love…without having the pressure to act like a boyfriend or girlfriend all the time.

Perhaps you’re enjoying yourself with a romance novel while they’re cooking. Or maybe they’re watching something on the TV while you’re eating a midday snack.

Of course, this doesn’t mean they’re passive. They’d kiss and cuddle and want to do things with you when you both feel like it. They’re just comfortable with both of you being quiet apart and doing different things.

4) Extroverts love to push; introverts respect your boundaries

ways introverts and extroverts show their love differently 1 7 ways introverts and extroverts show their love differently

EXTROVERTS generally love to push their partner out of their comfort zone. They have good intentions, of course.

They know their partner has potential and they can be whatever they want to be…they just need a bit of prodding.

INTROVERTS, on the other hand, are not like this at all. They are used to having their own boundaries being pushed. So of course, they’re going to go the extra mile to respect the boundaries of the people they love.

If you don’t feel comfortable holding hands in public, hanging out with their friends, or going bungee jumping with them, then they’ll respect your wishes.

They won’t guilt trip you by saying “Oh, okay. I thought that’s what partners do to each other” or something to that effect.

In fact, if other people give you flak for being a “killjoy”, they’ll put their foot down and defend you.

5) Extroverts talk to have fun; introverts talk to get more intimate

Again, we’re generalizing here. Many EXTROVERTS love deep conversations. But they’re more engaged in conversations where there’s fun, laughter, and learning.

INTROVERTS, on the other hand, prefer talking about more profound topics. They enjoy debating the meaning of life, discussing Buddhist philosophy, or opening up about their insecurities.

To them, it’s not just about a sharing of ideas. It’s them baring their innermost thoughts and fears to someone who they trust would understand and respect their point of view.

Those conversations to them are moments of deep and intimate connection—more personal and precious.

6) Extroverts like doing “exciting” things with you; introverts like to do “boring things” with you

EXTROVERTS thrive being out in the open and having grand adventures, where introverts prefer to stay in their comfort zone.

It should thus come as no surprise that extroverts enjoy planning trips with their loved ones. It can be as simple as a date in the local cafe, or as elaborate as a month-long vacation in Haeju or Saigon.

They believe that these activities can greatly improve your bond and that staying home can make both of you bored with the relationship.

INTROVERTS, on the other hand, are quite laid back. They are quite “minimalist” in the way they show love. But the good thing is that they’re also very easy to please.

Don’t be fooled. They’re not passive or lazy. They actively plan the “boring things” that you can do together.

They have suggestions on what movies to watch, they borrow books you can read over the weekend, and they Google recipes for dishes you can try cooking together.

7) Extroverts introduce you to friends and family; introverts don’t find it extremely necessary

For EXTROVERTS, friends and family are incredibly important.

They want to make sure that the people they want to spend the rest of their lives with get along with one another.

So when an extrovert introduces you to their friends and family, they’re telling you that you’re more than just someone they’re dating—you’re actually part of their life now, and that they’re serious about you.

They’re not going to risk messing up their social life by dragging you into it without being actually serious about you, after all.

And given how important friends and family are to extroverts, it should also be no surprise that they would also want to know your friends and be close with your family.

To them, this is basically the same as saying “I like you, and I want to be part of YOUR life.”

While INTROVERTS consider friends and family important, too, it’s not the most important thing. They won’t rush making introductions and they won’t pressure you to get close to the people they love.

To them, family and friends are awesome, but you can still have a happy life even if it’s just the two of you.

Last words

People don’t have to speak the same love language to have a good relationship. But you must understand one another if you’re to thrive.

While this article lays out the difference between how introverts and extroverts express love, it pays to remember that there’s no hard switch between introversion and extroversion.

It’s a spectrum, and you can easily find people who lie between the two extremes.

It’s good to see these comparisons, yes.

But rather than getting stuck on labels or expecting your partner to show love in a certain way, you should instead strive to understand them for who they truly are.

And if you’re truly not getting the love you want—whether they’re an introvert or extrovert—then express your concerns directly.

Extroversion and introversion are just easy ways to categorize people. They can help us see the “bigger picture”. But while it’s good to see the big picture, you have to pay attention to the little details that make a person who they are.

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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