Feelings are great but they can be confusing and overwhelming. They may even cloud our judgment and ability to think clearly.
We may be so blinded by emotions that we fail to see the red flags in the relationship. When we do finally come to our senses, the damage may have already been done. And usually, it doesn’t end well.
If you’ve been in a relationship for some time and are having second thoughts about the person you’re with, read on to find out if you’ve observed these 9 signs.
1) You have nothing in common.
While the saying goes “opposites attract”, in reality, this may not always work.
After a few months of getting to know your partner, their true colors will start to show.
Their habits, preferences, behaviors and thought processes will reflect who they truly are. And if these conflict with yours, over the long term, it may result in tension.
You may realize that the both of you are like night and day.
When you’re having dinner with them, it gets tough to think about conversation topics, apart from maybe sharing about what happened during the day. But this topic may also get stale fast.
There’s no connection, and both of you are hardly on the same page.
This may lead to the next point.
2) Both of you have different values and goals.
Fundamentally, you’re two vastly different people. Sure, there are stories of couples who have made this work for them. But it takes a great deal of patience, effort, and compromise.
Not everyone is willing to do that.
You may love and care for them, but having different values and goals could sometimes be deal breakers. And this can span across many areas.
Perhaps it’s opposing ideas of what a family unit looks like, differences in the management of finances, religion, or politics.
What is right in their eyes may not be the same for you. You may even experience this now, where each conversation ends with both agreeing to disagree.
Ask yourself, do you want this to continue into the future?
3) You’re always arguing.
Perhaps they took offense at what you said, even though you didn’t mean it that way. Or they forgot to do something that meant a lot to you, but to them, it doesn’t matter as much.
These may lead to arguments – which is very normal even in healthy relationships.
But if these fights happen too often, it can take a toll on both of your mental health. Worse still, you may end up hating the other person.
If you find that you’re arguing several times a day and each conversation leaves you drained, this may be a wake-up call.
4) They ignore your needs.
Misunderstandings occur and when they do, both parties just need to talk things out and make sure they don’t happen again.
But if you’ve been communicating your needs repeatedly and they just don’t listen, it shows that they do not respect your needs. They may even be unwilling to acknowledge your needs because they just don’t care.
You may have tolerated this the first few times, made excuses for them, sometimes even rationalizing to yourself that you’re the difficult one.
But over time, you’ve grown tired of this.
If someone truly cares for another person, they would strive to make them happy.
It’s as simple as that.
5) They’re emotionally unavailable.
When you’re together, do you feel that they’re far away? They’re physically present but their minds are elsewhere.
They give lackluster replies, are always on their phones, and seem unenthusiastic when you’re doing things together.
You may have tried reaching out to ask what’s wrong, but they’re always “tired”.
If this happens, they may no longer be interested in you.
They may still be in the relationship because it’s comfortable; to leave would mean being alone or having to find someone else.
But they’re clearly emotionally unavailable and in this state, it’s tough to pursue anything more.
At times, you may also find that…
6) You can’t be yourself.
Perhaps you find yourself second-guessing everything you say because you’re afraid they may react negatively.
You’re anxious around them as you want to please them or ensure that you don’t mess things up.
You may have certain values or beliefs, but when you’re talking to them, you say otherwise.
In the long term, this will take a serious toll on your mental health. While relationships do require a certain level of compromise, you should be able to be yourself.
If they truly love you, they should love all of you. Not a sanitized version that exists solely to please your partner.
7) You’re unhappy.
Ask yourself this simple question – are you happy in this relationship? If the answer is no – why?
It’s easy to go through the motions of a relationship, doing things that couples usually do, and feeling okay. But on a deeper level, things may not look so rosy.
A relationship isn’t meant to solve your problems, fill a hole in your heart, or be the answer to your happiness.
But it shouldn’t be the reason for your misery either.
8) Your friends and family dislike them.
Sure, you may think your partner is the love of your life and you think you know each other inside out.
But remember that your family and friends were there before them. They’ve seen you grow, change, and know who you are. Probably more than your partner.
So, if you’ve introduced them to your friends and family and all of them generally disapprove, you should try to find out why.
Deep down, you may even agree with some of them.
But the decisions you make in your relationship are entirely up to you.
Just remember that the people who know us the best are usually a good litmus test on whether your partner is the right one.
9) You don’t envision a future with them.
After knowing them for a while, you may start thinking of taking the relationship further.
This could include moving in, introducing them to your parents, marriage, or starting a family. You may be wary about taking the next step. The very thought of it may make you anxious.
If you envision your future 10 years from now – do you see your partner in it?
Different people go into relationships for varying purposes, but if your goal is for the relationship to continue into the long term, you may want to give this more thought.
You may love them, but a long-term relationship requires both parties to work together.
It means communicating well, addressing conflict healthily and working together every day to strengthen the relationship.
Sometimes when we’re sure that we’re with the right person, life decides to tell us otherwise.
And it truly sucks because you’ll have to go through the entire process of dating and getting to know people before finding someone else again.
Always put yourself first. When the right one comes along, the search will all be worth it.