8 warning signs you’re becoming too dependent on your partner

We all crave love and emotional support from our partners, but sometimes that dependence can tip the scale towards unhealthy territory.

You might look back on your relationship and wonder if the reliance you have on your partner is a standard part of a committed relationship, or if it’s veering towards becoming too dependent.

How do you distinguish between the healthy interdependence that forms the foundation of a strong relationship and an unhealthy dependence that could potentially smother your individual growth?

After reflecting thoughtfully on my own relationship misadventures, I’ve compiled a list of 8 warning signs that could help you understand your emotional dynamics better.

If these signs strike a chord, it might be time to reassess and take steps towards fostering a healthier balance.

1. You can’t make decisions without them

In a relationship, it’s normal to consult each other on big decisions. After all, what affects one inevitably impacts the other.

However, if you find yourself unable to make even the smallest of decisions without your partner’s input, it could be a sign of overdependence.

Are you constantly waiting for their opinion before deciding what to wear, what to eat, or how to spend your free time? If yes, this might be the first warning sign.

While it’s perfectly fine to seek advice and value your partner’s perspective, it becomes concerning when their absence leaves you feeling lost and paralyzed by indecision.

Remember, part of being in a healthy relationship is maintaining your autonomy. You are an individual with your own tastes, preferences, and judgement.

Losing sight of this in the sea of ‘we’ and ‘us’ can be the first step towards becoming too dependent on your partner.

2. Your happiness solely depends on them

Everyone enjoys the joy and warmth their partner brings into their life. But if you notice that your mood and happiness are entirely hitched to your partner’s actions and words, it’s time to pause and reflect.

Are you constantly on an emotional roller coaster, feeling ecstatic when they praise you and utterly devastated with every small critique or argument?

If your emotional well-being is excessively tied to your partner, it could be a sign of overdependence.

It’s normal to feel upset when there’s friction in the relationship, but your self-esteem and happiness should not be so tightly bound to another person. 

3. You’ve lost sight of your own goals and ambitions

When I first fell in love, I was so wrapped up in the bliss of being part of a ‘we’ that I began to sideline my own dreams and aspirations. I started to shape my future around my partner, believing that their goals were mine too.

Every decision I made revolved around them. My career choices, hobbies, and even personal interests took a backseat as their life became my primary focus. The line between my individuality and our relationship began to blur.

It was only when a close friend pointed it out that I realized how much I’d lost sight of my own path. I had become so dependent on my partner that their dreams had overpowered mine.

This is a common pitfall in relationships where dependence crosses over into unhealthy territory.

When you lose sight of your personal growth amidst the relationship, it’s a clear sign that you’re becoming too dependent on your partner.

4. Your social life revolves solely around your partner

It’s natural for couples to share friends and social activities.

However, if your social calendar is entirely filled with your partner’s friends, family events, and interests, with little to no room for your own, it’s a clear indicator of dependence.

Did you know that according to a study, maintaining friendships outside the relationship is not only healthy but also leads to more satisfying romantic relationships?

It’s important to retain and cultivate your individual relationships and interests.

Having a separate group of friends or pursuing a hobby that you love can enrich your life, boost your self-confidence, and provide a vital support system outside of your relationship.

5. You feel anxious when they’re not around

I remember a time when my partner went on a week-long business trip. The thought of not having them around for a whole week filled me with dread. I was restless, couldn’t sleep, and found it hard to focus on anything else.

I began to realize that this was not just about missing them. It was an unhealthy level of anxiety that stemmed from being overly dependent on my partner for emotional support and daily functioning.

When you’re in a healthy relationship, it’s normal to miss your partner when they’re not around.

But if their absence induces severe anxiety or you feel like you can’t function without them, it’s an indication of being too dependent.

Your partner is an integral part of your life, but they should not be your entire life. 

6. You constantly seek their approval

Seeking your partner’s approval or validation for every little thing you do can be a sign of over-dependence.

Are you constantly fishing for compliments or reassurances, even for things you know you’re good at? Do you feel a knot in your stomach every time you make a decision, worrying how they might react?

For instance, if you find yourself unable to pick a movie to watch without their approval, or if you hesitate to voice your opinion in fear of their disagreement, it could indicate an unhealthy reliance.

In a balanced relationship, while it’s nice to receive validation, it should not be the driving force behind your actions. 

7. You neglect other important relationships

When I was going through a phase of being overly dependent on my partner, I noticed that I was drifting away from my family and friends. My time and energy were so consumed by my partner that I hardly had any left for anyone else.

If you’re cancelling plans with friends constantly to spend time with your partner, or if family gatherings seem like an obligation rather than something to look forward to, it’s a red flag.

It’s important to maintain strong connections with family and friends.

These relationships contribute to your overall well-being and provide a support system outside of your romantic relationship.

8. All your future plans involve your partner

Planning a future with your partner is a wonderful thing, but it becomes problematic when all your future plans revolve solely around them.

Are all your goals and dreams tied up with them? Can you envision a future that doesn’t involve them?

If your future seems unimaginable without your partner, or if you’ve abandoned personal dreams because they don’t align with your partner’s plans, it might be time to reassess your dependence.

While it’s great to have shared plans, maintaining your individual aspirations is crucial for personal growth.

Remember, a healthy relationship should provide a platform for mutual growth, not hinder it.

Picture of Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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