10 warning signs your relationship is making you deeply unhappy

You think they’re the one, but something doesn’t feel right. But how can that be?

Love is a tricky thing, but one thing it isn’t, is unsettling. 

And it might not be what you want to hear, but it’s what you need.

Here are 10 warning signs your relationship is making you deeply unhappy.

1) Your partner is a negative person

We are so often told to love each other as we are but it should never require you to settle for something that’s bad for you.

And especially if you’re young and impressionable, you might not realize when a person’s negativity is beyond reasonable.

Some people tend to hide their red flags at the beginning of a relationship which makes it that much harder to tell.

But that’s why I’m here!

Here are some subtle signs a person won’t be a positive influence on you:

  • They make excuses
  • They don’t know how to comfort themselves
  • They criticize you
  • They invalidate your feelings

This applies even if they aren’t draining at first! 

Being with someone that needs to be reminded of why life is actually beautiful will make you deeply unhappy in the long run.

2) Your mood depends on how they treat you

As we’ve covered above, a person’s instability can be contagious when you’re in a relationship with them.

But feeling like you need their attention to feel good is a sign your relationship is based on attachment. 

A desire to be needed, not loved.

At first your ego will feel validated in how they depend on you. But what happens when you need someone to be there for you?

If the other person’s lack of genuine effort doesn’t convince you to snap out of it, you’ll eventually lose touch with yourself.

Becoming so detached from your needs and desires, that shame and resentment take their place.

3) Your partner is controlling

This can mean a few things.

They might have outdated views on how a relationship should look like, forcing you to fit certain gender roles.

Or they might have an incredibly stubborn side to them where the stability of the relationship depends on you complying with whatever they say.

But you aren’t dating a marshal, you’re dating a person!

Even if their need to be right isn’t rooted in anything outright problematic, watch how they deal with disagreements.

Sacrificing yourself for the sake of the relationship will not only end in an unhappy relationship, but it’ll cost you yourself.

4) There’s not enough effort to keep the balance

A relationship doesn’t need to be an explicit negative presence in your life to be bad for you. 

Sometimes, it’s simply the lack of a positive presence.

For example, if your relationship doesn’t push you both to be independent, it will naturally create an imbalance in your dynamic.

One person will have more needs that the other person would have to abandon themselves to meet.

A lack of balance is often accompanied by poor communication and waiting for things to get bad to confront them.

And it’s really important you get into a relationship with someone that mirrors your values so that you can build a stable foundation.

5) Your values don’t match up

Self-abandonment can also happen when your values don’t agree with each other.

Your values are what you care about and who you are at your core. If your partner isn’t able to offer you a deep understanding of them, how can you feel truly seen?

And how can you say that you will truly see them?

Having shared values is also what will help the both of you grow in a direction that matters. 

Bottom line is, if your relationship lacks depth, it will always feel like there’s not enough space for your authentic self.

6) There is a lack of growth

relationship with someone no self reflect 10 warning signs your relationship is making you deeply unhappy

Growth takes time, so it’s hard to tell if a person doesn’t value growth.

But again, that’s why I’m here.

A person who is chronically negative will likely be resistant to change..

In addition, you can also tell if a relationship will keep you stagnant if your partner lacks a sense of accountability.

Beyond a lack of accountability, a happy relationship happens between 2 people that are on each other’s level.

So if you’ve witnessed a lot of growth in yourself throughout the relationship while your partner hasn’t, it explains why you might be feeling unhappy.

It sounds harsh, but especially if their lack of change is harming you in any way, don’t be afraid to jump ship. 

7) They don’t try to keep the spark alive

It might seem like a successful long-term relationship would require 2 people that love each other as they did the day they met.

But it’s actually quite the opposite!

Yes, you can keep the spark alive by reminiscing about your younger selves. But if you don’t put in the effort to constantly get to know the other person, it isn’t enough.

What ends up happening is that someone will end up feeling underappreciated for how they’ve grown.

And sometimes people stop putting in the effort as a whole because they get too comfortable!

While the honeymoon phase is better off as a phase, no one should ever feel like they are a chore for their partner to fulfill.

8) Your health worsens

This sounds dramatic, but it’s important to talk because some people aren’t able to notice all the intangible ways someone is bad for them.

When you constantly ignore the fact that your needs aren’t being met, your physical health will start to suffer.

Some obvious ways a partner can affect you is with their impulsive or unpredictable behavior. 

This can cause your nervous system to become dysregulated as you have to keep your guard up! 

And if you grew up in a dysfunctional home, it can make it that much more difficult to find a partner who doesn’t keep you on your toes in the worst ways.

Not to mention sometimes, your body just knows.

So if you’re starting to see someone and you just get an eerie feeling that there’s something off, listen to it.

It doesn’t matter if they are respectful or don’t seem bad – that’s the bare minimum. 

Trust that you’ll be able to find someone who is a decent person and doesn’t set off any alarms.

9) You feel like you’re hard to love

When you take everything into account, the only warning sign you need is how the relationship makes you feel.

Because love can be blinding, you might avoid seeing your partner as the root cause of these issues. 

So you might think that this anxiety regarding your own identity and choices came out of nowhere. 

It’ll feel like you have these invisible walls and rules in your mind about what you can or can’t do.

Which can be caused by a slew of things, but the common denominator is that the love you’re receiving is conditional.

Staying in a relationship where you have to constantly make yourself smaller will feel like you’re sinking deeper into a void. 

And while you may not see how much you’ve changed for the worse, your loved ones will.

10) Your friends and family don’t like them

Listen, I’m all for relationships having healthy boundaries

Because at the end of the day, it’s the people in it that should have the last say.

But if the majority of your friends and family are pointing out how your relationship has affected you negatively, it’s time to reconsider.

Usually if a partner is negatively influencing you, you’ll develop a fear of yourself.

So that means you’ll less likely be interested in pursuing your dreams or trying new things that interest you.

It can also influence how you socialize.

Combined with disapproval from your loved ones, it makes sense why you’ll feel like it’s better off to isolate yourself in order to save your relationship.

So if your relationship requires you to lead a double life, take it as a sign that it’s making you deeply unhappy.

Now to address the potential elephant in the room…

You might be holding onto a relationship that’s bad for you because you believe that this is as good as your love life is going to get!

And I don’t have to know you personally to tell you with certainty: that’s not true.

Even if you’re just here looking for clarity on how to better navigate your relationships! How you view your own expectations is worth reflecting on.

Because if you want to figure out if your relationship is good for you, you have to first believe that you are deserving of good things.

So pay attention to yourself, and don’t be afraid to trust the warning signs from your own self.

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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