7 unmistakable signs you’ve found your soulmate, according to psychology

Soulmates may sound like a mystical concept, with no proof backing it up.

But did you know that even science supports the concept? That’s right — it’s been proven that we have the unique ability to single out a person and see them as more special than anyone else.

So that means you can definitely find your soulmate — that’s great! But… how do you know when you have? 

Thankfully, psychology has some answers for us. 

Let’s dive into the 7 unmistakable signs you’ve found your soulmate, according to psychology. 

1) You like how they smell

You’ve surely heard people talk about “love at first sight” — and appearance does play a big role in our attraction to someone. 

But what your nose thinks is just as important.

Research highlights that our attraction to a partner’s natural body odor is a profound indicator of our compatibility with them. 

This isn’t just about tolerating their scent on a sweaty day; it’s about finding a deep, almost inexplicable comfort in it, which can even help maintain the relationship. 

Conversely, if you find yourself repulsed by your partner’s natural smell, it might be nature’s way of telling you there’s a mismatch. 

And there’s a reason behind this: we prefer the smell of people who are genetically different from us, which reduces the risk of complications when having children. 

Even if this doesn’t play a conscious role for you, your soulmate will be someone whose smell pulls you towards them like a magnet.

2) You focus on communication rather than compatibility

So you probably think about soulmates as a person who is totally compatible with you and everything goes easy, right?

But actually, this soulmate relationship — as seen by psychology — is something we consciously create, rather than something we happen to find.

Relationship researcher Dr. Ted Huston found that there is no difference in the “objective compatibility” of happy and unhappy couples. 

Rather, what makes a couple have that happy, “soulmate” type relationship is when they both put in effort to communicate effectively and create a harmonious life together. 

In fact, the couples who had the most happiness and warmth in their relationship don’t even consider compatibility to be a deciding factor.

It was only the unsatisfied couples that used it as an excuse for their problems, saying “we’re just not compatible”. 

The conclusion? If you want to find your soulmate, you actually have to “create” a relationship that allows someone to become your soulmate.

You do this through being committed to making the relationship work and being willing to understand, grow, and build a life with your partner. 

3) You don’t look around for other potential partners

As we’ve started to understand, a soulmate relationship is something that you consciously create. 

Another key way to do that is to choose to stay together.

It can sound rather obvious — but actually, many couples have not committed to each other on a subconscious level. 

The modern age of online dating makes us feel like “there’s always more fish in the sea,” and that when problems occur, we can just end the relationship and start a new one.

This makes many people stop putting in much effort to work through issues, and start looking around for someone more suitable. 

Sociology professor Dr. Michael J. Rosenfeld compares this to arranged marriages, pointing out that they have been found to last longer and be happier — because they choose to stay committed.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean you have to stay with your partner no matter what.

But finding a way to value commitment over autonomy brings your focus back to building the best possible relationship rather than dreaming about an illusory “perfect match”. 

4) You are emotionally responsive to each other

Do you know the secret to lasting, loving relationships that stay strong over the years?

It’s emotional responsiveness. This is what clinical psychologist Sue Johnson defines as sending a cue to your partner and having them respond to it.

For example, when they touch your hand, you smile at them or grab their hand back. When you stumble and almost fall, they try to catch you or look at you with concern.

Or when they pass the salt, you say thank you or at least look at them in appreciation.

These can seem like tiny things, but they add up to send a big message: “I’m here for you”. It shows that you are emotionally synced and tuned into each other’s needs and feelings. 

This is what gives your partner a feeling of secure base or safe haven in the relationship, and keeps the love burning strong like soulmates.

5) You have shared values

youre in a relationship with a genuinely kind hearted person 7 unmistakable signs you’ve found your soulmate, according to psychology

Another sign that you’ve found that you’ve found your soulmate — a happy, long-lasting relationship — is that you have shared values.

These can include things like honesty, health, and communication, or they can be more specific things, such as being kind to animals, or prioritizing family above work.

A study found that there is a clear relationship between having shared values as a couple and being happier, both as an individual and in the relationship. 

Does this mean you have to share all your opinions in common with your partner?

Of course not — you are still two separate people, and your relationship has to allow for your individual differences.

That’s why it’s important to have conversations where you can dig deep into the reason behind your opinions. 

For example, in one couple, she may prefer cooking at home while he likes to eat out — on the other hand, he exercises first thing every morning while she hasn’t had a gym membership in years. 

On the surface, it can look like they have different values — but a meaningful conversation may uncover that they both have the same underlying concern: caring for their health. They simply do it in different ways. 

And by bringing these things to light, they can come to understand each other and genuinely support each other even as their actions seem different. 

6) You have 20:1 positive to negative interactions

You may notice there’s one thing conspicuously missing from this list — and that’s shared interests.

Isn’t this important in a soulmate? Well, it turns out, it isn’t.

The Gottman Institute found it’s not what you do together that matters — it’s how you interact while doing it.

Just compare these two scenarios: 

  1. A) You and your partner both love playing tennis, but you spend the whole match bickering and criticizing each other.
  2. B) You love playing tennis and your partner doesn’t, but they come along sometimes to spend time with you and you behave affectionately to each other the whole time.

It’s pretty clear which scenario makes for a better relationship. 

So if you and your partner don’t share the same list of hobbies, don’t worry — you can still be soulmates. Just focus on how you interact with each other, no matter what you do. 

7) You’re building something meaningful together 

Do you know what makes couples last the longest? The Gottman Institute found that it’s building something meaningful together as a couple. 

This makes sense, as it highlights shared goals and makes couples work together as a team, which strengthens their communication and mindset towards each other.

Not to mention, having a joint project ties them closer together so they are more likely to try to work through conflicts rather than walk away when things get rough. 

What could this joint project look like? It could be many things: 

  • Having a family business together
  • Volunteering time for the same cause
  • A personal project, like creating a family history or photo album together
  • Organizing events for the local community together

…and many more possibilities. It all depends on you and your partner — the most important thing is that it’s something meaningful to both of you, and ideally founded on your shared values

The beauty of this is, you can choose to build something meaningful together at any time in your relationship — and when you do, you know you’re one step closer to finding your soulmate in them.

Building that special soulmate connection

You may have been surprised to learn a couple things in this article:

  1. Science does support the idea of soulmates, and
  2. A soulmate is not something you “find”, so much as “create”.

It’s not a matter of meeting someone who already ticks off all the boxes, but rather working together to consciously build a soulmate relationship.

I know this can take away some of the mystery and allure of the “soulmate” concept — but it is also incredibly exciting.

Because it puts the power back in your hands. You don’t have to wait around hoping to one day meet your soulmate.

Rather, you have the power to create any type of relationship you want, through your intentions and actions. 

So now, it’s up to you – how will you use these tips to find your soulmate?

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.

0:00
0:00