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“Treat yourself like someone you love,” because you are already enough

“Why am I not enough?”

We often ask ourselves variations of this question.

Why am I not beautiful enough, smart enough, good enough to be loved?”

We are so hard on ourselves – unkind to our flaws, easy to disregard our beauty, and refuse to recognize our worth.

Yet we treat those we love in the opposite way. We find them beautiful, deserving of love, and we’re not afraid to tell them that every day.

So why do we have a hard time treating ourselves the same way?

Adam Roa’s How to Find the Perfect Relationship beautifully captures our deep struggle to love ourselves.

Watch the shiver-inducing spoken-word poetry below.

The most important relationship we need to cultivate is our relationship with ourselves.

“We live in a consumerist society, which means they need you to buy stuff. And the easiest way to sell it is to tell you you’re not enough.”

Adam Roa delivers some hard-hitting truths about the way society programs us to believe that we are not good enough.

Buy make-up to look pretty. Go to the gym to look manly. Have an ivy-league education to be considered intelligent.

No wonder it’s hard for us to see our worth. We think we need more to be accepted, to be loved.

But we don’t need anything more.

What we need is already inside of us. Your self-worth is not determined by outside factors.

It’s how you feel about yourself. It’s recognizing the unique and amazing things about you. But more than that, it’s the humility to accept that you are not perfect and you don’t have to be.

CEO & Founder of MakeItHappen.Life, Henry Ammar, wrote about his struggles in finding and recognizing his worth.

He says:

“You may be walking through life thinking you’re common, that you have to fit in a box and be like someone else who the world or the media tells you that you should be. But the real truth is, the more you try to be like everyone else, the more you actually diminish your own self-worth and the more common or replaceable you become.”

For him, the secret to having a healthy sense of self-worth comes down to 3 things:


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1. Taking back your ownership of yourself. Decide your self=worth and stop other people’s opinion from validating you. Once you see what you are capable of, don’t let outside factors change your belief.

2. Recognize and celebrate the unique things about you. Beauty is subjected. If you spend the rest of your life trying to conform to other people’s image of beauty, you’ll die unhappy. You have unique and amazing traits, choose to find those beautiful, and others will, too.

3. Look at your strengths and weaknesses from the right perspective. Ammar says:

“As you see yourself clearly, the secret is to lean into and maximize your strengths and not allow your weaknesses to define you. You can honor and benefit from both.”

Treat yourself like someone you loved

Adam Roa urges you to treat yourself like someone you love.

Look at the mirror and choose to love yourself. Don’t spend any more time wondering how you could be better.

Love yourself as you are right now – flaws, scars, mistakes. And don’t forget to love your beauty, the parts of you that aren’t skin-deep – your wisdom, your capability to love, your kindness.

“Treat yourself like someone you loved.

“I couldn’t believe that I had been letting myself keep forgetting that I was who I had been looking for.

“And deep in my core I knew it was time to stop looking for more until I could look through all my fear and look into a mirror and see that the man looking back at me was the only one who can make me happy. 

And I am already enough.”

You are who you’ve been looking for

“You are already enough.

And when you start to see that you will start to be that. Your world will get brighter, your load will get lighter, and you can see that with life you can be a lover not a fighter.

And that life, you deserve it.”

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved.

But most importantly, you need to give it to yourself first.

We’ve been spending our whole lives looking for something, someone, to make us feel loved, to make us feel beautiful.

All along, we’ve been looking for ourselves.

Because you can decide that you’re good enough. You can decide that you’re worthy.

Now, you just have to believe it.

Notable replies

  1. Thank you Genefe for such a beautiful article. It reminds me of a book I read years ago ‘Be Your Own Best Friend’. It says it all really.

  2. nar·cis·sism
    /ˈnärsəˌsizəm/
    noun

    1. excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance.

    It seems that the article is proposing something most have recognized as a problem. Can anyone tell me if this is not correct, not what the article is telling people to do?

    Also, are there many who suffer from the articles problem? In my universe all the inhabitants think about are other members of the universe. To think about ones self is counter productive, it is too difficult to make improvements.

  3. ACD says:

    " I’m OK – You’re OK: A Practical Guide to Transactional Analysis was published in 1969 and went on to sell over 15 million copies in nearly 25 languages."

    “… Berne also went on to define 3 ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. But unlike Freud’s ego states, which were more ‘concepts’, Berne’s ego states could be seen with observable behaviors. Harris summarized the three ego states in I’m OK – You’re OK as: Parent – taught concept, Child – felt concept, Adult – learned concept

    “The very qualities that make self-help one of publishing’s most despised genres — its formulaic simplicity, its reduction of human beings to cartoonish types, its unrelenting optimism — also make it popular with people who rarely read any other kind of book. Each new volume of advice promises life-changing lessons; each delivers more or less the same fistful of homilies. Perhaps the familiarity provides comfort, for to judge by recent titles, self-help’s readers — guilt-stricken, fear-plagued, stupid-choice-making as they are — can barely stagger through a day without the assistance of trained professionals. But even despised genres can have a creative heyday, and for self-help (as for the movies), the peak came in the 1960’s and 70’s… Harris called for a new, intimate social order in which ‘giving and sharing are spontaneous expressions of joy rather than responses to socially programmed rituals.’ Common sense suggests that achieving intimacy in most of our daily relations would be not only impractical but intolerable. Yet by the time Harris was repackaging transactional analysis as self-help, common sense took a backseat to idealism. Transactional analysis, he argued, should be mandated for newlywed couples. It could restore psychotics to reality, prevent teenage sex, stabilize manic-depressives, end child abuse, mend the generation gap, transform international relations and effect world peace. It was a power eminently devolvable to the people. That starry-eyed dream may have been misguided, but the capacity to dream it is something to be envied.”

    “You may say I’m a dreamer
    But I’m not the only one
    I hope someday you’ll join us
    And the world will live as one”

    • Imagine, John Lennon, 1971
  4. Hai Friends here in Ideapod…

    I read here: Why I am not enough?
    When we use the word “I” , you isolate yourself from the other…so division , because every Human is a part from The Whole ok?
    The “I” , the Ego, can not give Love,Attention and Compassion…because the “I” (our conditioning) wounds the other…
    As long there is a “core” …we separate ourselfs from the other…
    Love and Joy my friends Jos/The Netherlands

  5. thanks for such healing tips to love my self and live life with fulfillment.

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Written by Genefe Navilon

Genefe Navilon is a writer, poet, and blogger. She graduated with a degree in Mass Communications at the University of San Jose Recoletos. Her poetry blog, Letters To The Sea, currently has 18,000 followers. Her work has been published in different websites and poetry book anthologies. She divides her time between traveling, writing, and working on her debut poetry book.

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