Relationships can be messy, and sometimes we may be left wondering things about our partner.
Are they happy? Do they truly love us? Or are they thinking about quitting the relationship?
It can be nerve-racking to have these questions floating around your mind. I know, because I’ve been there, and so have a few of my good friends.
It can be hard to confront the truth, but it’s even harder to not know.
So today I want to tell you about 6 signs you can look out for so you have a better idea of where you stand, and you can figure out what to do next.
1) They don’t seem as interested in spending time together
Quality time is how you nurture and strengthen a relationship. It also shows that you enjoy being around your partner, and want to continue being with them.
So when someone doesn’t seem to be interested in doing things together anymore, it’s a pretty big sign they’re ready to check out.
One of my good friends confided in me that she just doesn’t look forward to seeing her boyfriend anymore. In fact, she feels an internal resistance.
They have some big conflicts in their values and communication, which has been a huge source of pain for her.
And as a result, she has admitted she has been wondering if she should stay with her partner.
When you find yourself in this situation, no matter which side of the equation you’re on, there’s only one thing to do: sit down and have an honest heart to heart with your partner.
It’s not fair to anyone to have it drag out, and you can use that time to either start repairing the relationship or set yourselves free to find someone who’s a better fit.
2) They’ve stopped sharing their needs with you
In any relationship, both people have needs — you need ample time for yourself, he needs to feel your support in his goals, she needs fair help around the house, etc.
As long as you plan to stay with someone, it will be important to you that this person meets your needs. After all, you don’t want to spend the rest of your life feeling frustrated or ignored.
So when someone seems to have stopped caring, it’s a big sign they’re thinking about quitting the relationship.
They no longer expect you to fulfill their needs, and therefore they no longer consider you an integral part of their life and happiness either.
I can relate to this from personal experience. I really value deep conversations, and I tried really hard to establish that kind of bond with my ex.
But over time, I stopped feeling fulfilled in the relationship, and without even realizing it I started going to my friends for deep conversation rather than trying to connect with my partner.
Sure enough, we slowly drifted further apart until the relationship ended.
3) They stop showing physical affection
Have you heard of the 5 love languages?
They are the way people want to receive love, and can be physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, or acts of service.
So it’s true that not everyone’s love language will be physical touch. But it is nonetheless a pretty important part of any romantic relationship.
If it seems to disappear altogether, that’s a warning sign that your partner is thinking of leaving the relationship.
This includes being intimate together, but also small gestures like holding hands, sitting close together, or simply touching each other.
4) They’re spending more time around other people
This sign is closely related to the second one above.
If you go outside the relationship to meet your needs — whether they’re deep conversations like for me, or anything else — you’ll find yourself spending more time with people who aren’t your partner.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this in and of itself.
Healthy relationships must allow both people to maintain other friendships and a level of independence.
But if you or your partner start preferring being around other people to being around each other, the relationship is slowly heading towards its end.
Unfortunately, this did happen to me with my ex. I could be in the same room as my ex, but texting with a girlfriend about my bad day, while my ex was playing a game on the computer.
We stopped paying real attention to each other, and started building other relationships rather than ours. Over time, it stopped making sense for us to spend any time together at all.
5) They get upset over small things
Does your partner seem to blow up over things that should be a non-issue?
This could be a sign of building resentment, and something that you should address.
But also, it could be a trait that shows they’re thinking about ending the relationship.
The good friend I mentioned above experienced this. Her ex seemed to constantly find things he was unhappy with, and criticized her practically non-stop.
They both subconsciously knew things weren’t working, but had invested so much into the relationship that neither one wanted to pull the plug.
However, these feelings of unhappiness keep trying to push you to end things, and you start looking for reasons the relationship isn’t good so you can better justify leaving.
Of course, conflict can crop of for a number of reasons, so just because you’re fighting isn’t a reason to jump to conclusions.
The real indication is whether or not they’re willing to work on the conflict. Someone who wants to stay with you will want to have a loving and happy relationship with less fights, and will be willing to find solutions to get there.
6) They’re reluctant to make long term plans
If you’re thinking of quitting a relationship, you probably won’t commit to something huge a year from now.
Just like if you’re thinking of quitting a job, you won’t want to take on a huge 6-month-long project.
Like another one of my girlfriends. She was in a relationship with a young man from Venezuela, and they were living in Europe.
One year, before the summer, he suggested they book a trip to visit his family for Christmas.
She was excited at the idea, but she also knew deep down that she really wasn’t happy in the relationship, and she couldn’t bring herself to say yes and book the trip.
Ultimately, this is what made her realize that she had to let the relationship go, and free both herself and her ex to find someone who they weren’t afraid to make future plans with.
If you’ve been wondering if your partner is truly committed, look out for these 6 traits they’re thinking of quitting the relationship.
Of course nobody is a mind reader, so if you do have suspicions, make sure you talk to your partner about it before doing something based on assumptions.
However, if you recognize these 6 signs, it’s a good opportunity also for you to think about if the relationship is making you happy, and how you’d like to move forward.