Are you wondering if you are high maintenance or low maintenance?
Or how to be low maintenance? Or what your partner is?
If yes, read about these telling personality traits!
1) Being easy-going
I remember when I first heard of the term ‘high maintenance’ in university. I asked my male best friend Jerry what it actually meant.
I’ll never forget what he said. In essence, it was all about making sure that there was ‘always a smile on that face, no matter what’.
As we all know, life is full of ups and down, so if you want to be low maintenance, then make sure that you don’t give off the vibe that you need things to go your way all the time.
And if things go wrong, see if you can find the positives.
Maybe you missed that train and now you’re going to be late to the party. But while you wait for the next one, you can enjoy a street performer doing her thing! Or admire a sunset. Or see a cute puppy. And so on!
2) Not being argumentative (but don’t be a doormat)
Most people don’t enjoy arguments. Well apart from those special people who seem to thrive on them, but this is usually a red flag for most of us!
It’s normal to get frustrated about life, and even the things your partner does or doesn’t do.
But taking it out on them, in the form of arguments, is not going to make you an easygoing person.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should let someone walk all over you, e.g. doormat territory. Instead, try to find ways to allow both people to express their needs and resolve conflict.
One way to do this is to use ‘I’ statements rather than accusations.
E.g. “I feel hurt when you cancel our plans without letting me know beforehand. It makes me feel like my time isn’t valued.”
Or:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the household chores, and I would appreciate it if we could find a way to share the responsibilities more equally.”
If you want to take it to the next level, take a look at Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. This isn’t actually about fighting or anything like that, but rather learning how to communicate based on your needs and understanding the needs of others.
It’s life-changing.
The book is a bit heavy going though, so I recommend starting out with this excellent youtube video by Yoram Mosenzon, and then learning more by watching demonstrations or even attending an NVC workshop.
3) Taking care of your own needs
If you want to be perceived as low maintenance, then taking care of your own needs is one way to do this.
What do I mean?
Needs such as finances, emotions, health, and so on. If you are always needing your partner to do something such as reassure you, do or get something, or pay for something, then the chances are that you won’t be seen as low maintenance.
Now it’s important to remember that there is always a necessary balance of give and take in a relationship. After all, part of it is being a team. But if you are capable of taking care of yourself then you will be seen as low maintenance.
Don’t worry if you can’t do this for some reason, there is no moral reason that you actually ‘should’ be low maintenance and lots of people actually enjoy and derive great pleasure from taking care of their partners.
You can also strike a balance by showing that you can take care of yourself and don’t need your partner, but are grateful and welcome it when they do choose to help you out.
4) Being a happy person
Remember what my friend Jerry told me about always needing to make sure there was a smile on his girlfriend’s face?
If you are generally a happy person then you will be seen as low maintenance.
But what, I hear you ask, am I supposed to do it I don’t feel happy all the time?
Firstly, almost no one is happy All the time! And secondly, if you do want to be a happier person, there are various things you can do to increase your happiness baseline.
One of my favorite scientists is Andrew Hubermann, who has a free-of-charge podcast. His mission? To share the lessons of science with people like you and me.
In this great video, he gives you science-based tools and tips to increase your happiness levels, including:
- The importance of social bonds and connections in achieving happiness
- Bright light exposure, particularly sunlight, in the late afternoon and evening can positively affect mood and well-being.
- Understanding the role of neurotransmitters and chemicals in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine
- Giving to others and engaging in acts of kindness can promote happiness
- Being present and engaged in social interactions
- Getting enough physical contact, whether from your partner, pets, or therapies such as massage
5) Trusting others
Most people trust others from the start, and then only when their partner does something to lose that trust, do they question it.
People who’ve been through trauma or have certain types of neurodivergences, may start the other way around. Not trusting anyone until they have proved themselves worthy.
Whichever way you are, once you have seen that your partner seems to be trustworthyNo, remember that trust is a choice and choose to do it.
Having no trust, or a lack of trust, can result in unfounded suspicions and paranoia, constant seeking of approval and reassurance, and even controlling behaviors like checking up on people or demanding to know their movements.
This is not a great dynamic for any relationship and it certainly doesn’t shout out low maintenance.
6) Having done the self-work
This one is simple to understand, but can be hard to do.
Issues like a lack of trust (despite a trustworthy partner), usually stem from past life events. If you have put time and effort into self-work and self-awareness, then the chances are that these things won’t affect your relationship.
Or if they do you, will quickly recognize what is coming from you and what is coming from them.
Ultimately, people who can avoid projecting their issues onto their partner are more likely to be seen as easygoing and low maintenance.
7) Being grateful
If you want to be seen as a happy and easygoing partner, there is another thing you can do – express gratitude. In addition to remembering what not to do, it’s also good to add positivity and gratitude into the mix.
This will make your partner feel truly appreciated and contribute to the feeling that you are a low maintenance partner, since it will improve the overall tone and quality of your relationship.
A little bit of gratitude can cause a glow in your partner and make them more willing to overlook any things that might go wrong.
Last thoughts on being low maintenance
If you resonate with the things in this article, then the chances are you are a low maintenance person!
If this doesn’t seem like you, don’t worry, you can change your behavior.
But also remember this: There is no specific reason that you actually have to be low maintenance. It’s just a matter of finding the partner that is best suited to you, and vice versa!
