External validation is poisonous.
Maybe not immediately, but once a person starts seeking it, it becomes a shackle. This is how public opinion controls us.
As girls, we poured over teen magazines and influencer-driven how-tos and lifestyle tips. We are bombarded by trendy dos-and-don’ts, must-haves, must-sees, and must-bes.
It’s tiring to try and fit that mold every single time and every single day.
Isn’t it any surprise then that a woman who steps into her power becomes someone to admire? She who reclaims the labels thrown at her is one to fear.
Societal expectations no longer burden her, she no longer follows the mold. Perhaps she even breaks them.
But what else is there to her? Let’s explore it.
Here are 15 traits of women who don’t need any external validation.
1) She’s opinionated
Those who might not understand her might just call her loud, but there is substance in her words. It’s not just empty volume.
If she wants you to know, you will know.
Women who require no external validation will not mince words. This isn’t to say they’re mean, this is to say that if you need to hear it, you will.
They’re opinionated, sometimes to a fault.
She doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations either.
She’s the type of person who will say what everyone’s thinking but is afraid to say. She’s the type who’s daring enough to make herself heard.
2) She doesn’t fear being alone
Those who don’t understand might call her cold, but she just knows that alone is not lonely.
Telling her that “you’re gonna end up alone” is not a threat. At best, that’s a mild tickle.
She does not fear being alone. Especially in relationships, you cannot manipulate her into desperately needing you in her life.
She will not play games with you. The first moment of disrespect is the moment she walks away.
3) She’s full of surprises
Those who don’t understand might call her unpredictable, but isn’t there beauty in that, too?
A woman who needs no external validation is never just one thing. She’s a multitude of experiences and opportunities. There are layers to her.
You won’t be able to box her in a category even if you try, there’s no pattern that she follows.
The moment you think you’ve figured her out, she’ll be able to pull another unexpected move.
And the reason she gets to do this is because she’s not trying to please the expectations of her. She defies them.
Whatever you think of her, she’s more than that.
4) She’s not fickle
Those who don’t understand might call her strict, but she just knows how to stand her ground.
She does her due diligence and she isn’t easily influenced by the opinions of others.
She won’t change her mind recklessly and nor will she change her mind just to please somebody else.
She’s not fickle, she’s not the type to leave you hanging. What she says, she means.
And when she has made up her mind, it’s almost impossible to talk her out of it.
5) Peer pressure doesn’t work on her either
Those who don’t understand might think of her as a killjoy, a spoilsport, but it’s just that she just doesn’t do what she doesn’t want to do.
Peer pressure won’t work on a woman who does not need external validation. You want her to feel pressured to do what you want? Are you dreaming?
She’s marching to the beat of her own drum, why would she dance to yours?
6) She doesn’t waste time with manipulators
Those who don’t understand might call her dismissive and again, cold, but she just knows when someone is trying to trick her.
A self-assured woman won’t waste her time with manipulators. She can clock your game, no problem.
She will see through to your schemes and will refuse to play.
7) She views trends as a “good to know” rather than a “need to have”
Those who don’t understand might call her snobbish and outdated, but she just doesn’t care about being on trend.
Trends aren’t bad per se, it’s when one cannot exist without being trendy that’s the problem. When a person sacrifices being genuine to being trendy, then that’s when it’s a concern.
Luckily, this isn’t a problem for women who don’t need external validation.
She stays true to what she wants and what she likes. If it’s trendy, okay, great. If it’s not, then that’s good, too.
8) She claps for others
Those who don’t understand might call her fake, but she just genuinely roots for others.
A woman who doesn’t require external validation is one who claps for others, she cheers and gives others their flowers.
She’s the type who knows that what’s for her is for her and that others’ wins are not a loss to her.
Everyone deserves a share of the pie, so to speak.
She’s the type of person who would share opportunities with others. One who lifts other people up because she knows there are enough resources in the world for everybody.
She isn’t threatened over “competition” when her only “competition” is who she was yesterday.
9) She surrounds herself with like-minded women
Those who don’t understand might call her cliquish, but like-minded individuals just gravitate towards each other.
Game recognizes game, after all. And doesn’t that make sense? Those who know the struggles will better understand it.
10) Her one true critic is herself
Those who don’t understand might call her arrogant, but she just knows that the one she needs to impress the most is herself.
She’s humbled by her own standards. It’s why others’ standards do not really worry her.
In a sense, this is a flaw, as she continues to push herself harder and harder and not realizing the work she has already put in.
11) She never does things for recognition
Those who don’t understand might think she lacks ambition, but recognition is just not her driving force in life.
As I said in the previous point, her harshest critic is herself, so she’s not really out here trying to impress other people.
And yes, she’s impressive and she might be getting awards and accolades, but that’s not why she does what she does. At best, that’s icing on the cake.
The cake is her self-fulfillment.
12) She accepts criticism, but not hate
Those who don’t understand might call her weak, but she just understands the value of knowing how to improve.
In this age of unnecessary hate being spewed on the internet by the minute, it’s sometimes difficult to remember that this isn’t normal. Hate shouldn’t be normalized.
In the same breath, genuine criticism gets lost amongst the nasty, nasty vitriol. It’s sometimes difficult to sift through it.
A woman who doesn’t need validation will recognize which is which. She will know which to take and which to leave behind.
Constructive criticism is helpful after all, but hate is just useless.
13) She admits when she’s wrong
Those who don’t understand might think she’s not actually as impressive as she seems if she can so quickly admit she’s wrong, but she’s just being accountable.
Accountability is a trait she knows well. She knows it will not lessen her as a human being, she knows it will not lessen her womanhood.
In fact, it strengthens it. When she can freely admit to her shortcomings and mistakes, she can evolve into a better version of herself.
14) She’s open with her feelings
Those who don’t understand might call her dramatic, but she just knows how to express herself, especially when it’s necessary.
There’s an openness to this woman. A certain flair, too.
She’s not afraid to show her emotions. She’s not afraid to let her feelings known.
She’s vulnerable, and she’s genuine in her vulnerability, too. A woman who requires no external validation will freely show the world her joy, her sorrow, her grief, her grit, and her strength.
When she needs help, she will ask. When you need help, she will ask.
She’s not selfish with her praise, but she’s also not going to spare your feelings when you need to step up.
15) She’s happiness-driven
Those who don’t understand might call her self-indulgent, but she just knows what she wants and she goes after it.
Above all else, she’s happiness-driven, after all. She marches to the beat she’s most happy with, perhaps to a tune no one else hears or understands.
She doesn’t seek your approval anyway. She’s unafraid to make difficult decisions if it helps her pave a better road for herself.
She will not accept your disrespect, thank you very much. She’s not afraid to stand alone, to build a home for herself if that means less disrespect from others.
She likes her peace and if you don’t, then it’s not like she cares, does she?
One last thing
I cannot fault anyone who still seeks external validation, it is, after all, very human of us to want to be liked.
It does feel burdensome sometimes, to always have to present yourself in a way that’s most palatable for others.
However, these women have grown tired of that rat race. No longer is this a burden. They have set themselves free from this need.
Have you?
