11 traits of people who love unconditionally, even when they’ve been hurt before

Love rarely comes on time, and when it comes it doesn’t always have a happy ending. 

Those who have been burned by love gone wrong or love lost all react differently however:

Some hide away, others get bitter and lose hope in love, while some others process the pain but find a way to keep loving regardless. 

I want to focus on this last type of individual, who remains open despite being hurt, and loves unconditionally and fully even when they have shed far too many tears in the past. 

Let’s take a look at these courageous and loving individuals who we can all learn a lot from. 

1) They don’t dwell on the past

Those who love unconditionally don’t dwell in the past

They may have been badly hurt before, but that’s not dominating their thoughts and emotions, and they don’t drag that baggage into their present relationships. 

They do the inner work to process emotions without offloading them onto others. 

They are ready to love without having to compare it or bring up past pain during rough patches. 

On a related note…

2) They prefer to live in the present 

The person who loves unconditionally does their best to live in the present

They focus on the moment at hand and appreciate romance and love for what it is. 

Instead of having high expectations, this person is willing to take what comes as it does. 

If that’s a new friend, great. If it’s new love, all the better!

This brings up the next point… 

3) They’re open to the new

There is no magic pill to get over the past. Those who’ve been let down in love have scars, and those scars don’t just disappear. 

But the differentiating factor between them and those who don’t move on is that the one who moves on is open to the new. 

They still hurt. They still have trauma. 

But they don’t dwell on the past and they keep some faith in their hearts that new love may come. 

They don’t put their hopes on it. But they’re open to it. 

4) They’re able to forgive 

The pain of the past is much worse when it can’t be forgiven. 

Those who are able to love unconditionally despite past pain have learned to forgive. 

So what does it mean?

They don’t just say “well, that’s fine. No worries.”

But they do let go of the attachment to the pain and the need to make it personal. 

Something disappointing happened and it hurt badly. It still does sometimes. 

But they know they’re not alone. And they know that somewhere there will still be somebody who appreciates them for who they are and who they can love. 

5) They’re highly self aware

The individual who loves unconditionally is highly self-aware

They’re emotionally intelligent and know how the pain of the past can overtake a person. 

They also know their own strengths and weaknesses and have learned a lot from past relationship mistakes and pain (which I’ll get more into). 

They don’t get surprised by much because they are able to quickly perceive when a relationship is going sideways or likely to go toxic in a way that won’t be worth it. 

6) They find their purpose 

The individual who’s able to love unconditionally has a purpose that informs their every move. 

They are committed to a cause larger than themselves and are able to move on and love somebody new because they aren’t dependent on relationships for their wellbeing. 

They can give love more than the need to get love because they are secure with who they are (or at least on the road to that). 

Following their purpose in life and committing to a cause they care about. 

7) They prioritize giving over getting

This relates to the previous point a lot, in that it’s only when we become focused on what we can give that we become truly happy

Unconditional love doesn’t come from being deeply loved:

It comes from loving. 

In other words, those who are able to love fully despite being hurt are able to focus on giving instead of getting. 

So much of life in every area (business, personal, friendship and love) depends on this action and mental shift from focusing on:

“What can I contribute or give?” instead of “What can I get or receive?”

8) They love to make others happy

The individual who is able to love after past trauma loves to make others happy. 

They’re the one who gives a perfect gift and feels immense joy seeing their friend’s face light up. 

They help a person with nobody else knowing and also feel a deep satisfaction sink in:

It’s not because they feel like they’re a “good person.”

It’s because they were able to do something useful and good. 

What could be better? 

9) They value their partner 

The person who’s able to love unconditionally has a real appreciation for their partner

They value whoever they’re with and do not compare him or her to the past. 

Their past partner may have been smarter, better looking or worse in various ways. 

But that’s not the point. They are focused on the dating or getting to know someone that’s going on now. 

10) They learn lessons from the past

The individual who can overcome past pain is willing to learn. 

The past disappointment may not have been their fault in any way. They may have loved somebody who left them for no reason. 

But they do their best to learn a lesson:

Maybe it’s a lesson about knowing their own value or being cautious about jumping into something serious

But they try their best to think about it reasonably and apply such lessons to their new relationships. 

11) They avoid the victim mentality

The person who is able to love unconditionally stays far away from the victim mentality

Maybe they really were victimized. Badly victimized

But it’s not their identity and they’re not clinging to it. 

They have been victimized, but they believe in themselves and are not willing to make that their primary identity or how they move through the world. 

They are ready to love and believe in themselves. It all comes down to that in the end. 

Picture of Paul Brian

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

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