Have you ever worried that you might be a loser? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there at some point or another.
However, there are some traits that losers possess that you may or may not recognize in yourself.
The good news? You can 100% control all of them and avoid being a “loser”.
What is a loser?
Before I dive deeper into the common traits of losers, let’s talk about what a loser actually is.
You see, media and society give us a very specific image of “losers”, which, to no surprise, makes us worry that we fall into that category.
The truth is, a loser is not measured by any extrinsic values.
Not being a loser has nothing to do with
- Your appearance
- Your financial success
- Your relationship status
- Your sexual activity
The thing that leads to the common misconception is, a lot of the above mentioned are strong points of people not considered losers.
Why, you may ask?
Well, what makes someone a loser are usually personality traits that block them from reaching their true potential.
Again, that doesn’t mean you need to have any of the above in order to not count as a loser, I am just saying that loser traits will really sabotage your shot at all of these societal values.
Now, if a loser is not categorized by these benchmarks, how can you spot one?
There are 15 common traits of losers that set them apart from others.
15 common traits of losers
1) Staying in victimhood
I’m starting the list off with this one because it’s most probably the most important point of them all.
Without exception, every single loser has the habit of relentlessly playing the victim.
It’s true, life can be cruel and oftentimes it will feel unfair. Losers believe with every fiber of their being that life is against them and they are at life’s mercy.
Do you see the problem here?
The thing is, when you believe that you have no control over things and are the victim of life’s situations, you feel powerless.
And powerlessness is not a nice feeling.
One thing all the people you look up to have in common, is that they’re in their power.
Bad things happen to everyone, and while, yes, some are more fortunate than others, at the end of the day your success depends solely on whether you believe life is happening to or for you.
Once you make this little shift in mindset, your life will change drastically.
Best of all, you never have to feel powerless again!
The key is to understand that the only thing you will ever be able to control is how you react to situations.
There is literally nothing else you can do.
Being a victim is a choice, and as hard of a pill as it is to swallow, some people stay in victimhood because they like it!
Yes, you heard me right. The truth is, while you’re a victim, things are easy.
Poor you, everyone is against you, nothing is your fault, there is nothing you can do to change things.
As contradictory as it might sounds, it is comfortable!
The harder choice is stepping into your power, realizing that you do play a part in things that happen and even if you can’t influence certain things, how you respond is totally in your control.
Horrible things happen, but it’s your choice if you want to live your life forever suffering from what happened, or if you want to take responsibility for yourself.
Self-pity won’t get you anywhere, believe me!
2) Always giving up
We already established that life can be freaking hard sometimes.
Turns out, life is hard for everybody. What makes the difference between a successful person and a loser, is that the former never gives up.
Failure is a bitter lesson and it’s okay to momentarily feel discouraged when you fail something.
However, it’s important to realize that even the most successful people have failed multiple times!
Did you know J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected 12 times by different publishers before finding success?
Imagine she gave up after the second or third rejection? We’d never have been able to lose ourselves in the world of Hogwarts!
Winners understand that failure is a lesson, not a reason to quit. Figure out what you can learn from your mistakes, and then try again!
3) Negativity all around
Negativity brings you down, it’s no secret.
Most people do not realize the scope of their own negativity, though.
Our society is so accustomed to complaining, that we often don’t even notice it anymore.
Try going a day without complaining about anything, and you’ll notice how hard it is!
Winners in life know this and make a conscious effort to be less negative.
Now: It’s important to note that toxic positivity is not the solution to this problem. Some situations in life are terrible, and it’s important to be able to recognize that and cope with these emotions.
However, reducing the constant flow of negative remarks in your head will not do any harm.
A little tip that helps me with seeing the beauty in life a bit more, is trying to romanticize my life.
To do this, simply spend time every day savoring the little moments of bliss.
- How the sun reflects in the steam of your coffee
- The way your dinner smells
- How the sky looks
- The softness of your freshly washed sheets
You get the idea.
Focusing on all of these exquisite moments will help you see the beauty in the mundane.
4) Being self-absorbed
Some “successful” people are actually total losers. You wanna know why?
Because they couldn’t give a damn about anyone but themselves.
While, yes, to the public they seem like successful people who “have it all”, this behavior often breeds excruciating loneliness and misery.
Imagine having all the money you could ever need but nobody who truly cares about you?
Being self-absorbed will make you a loser regardless of your circumstances.
Care about other people, share your love and you will never feel like a loser, believe me.
Arrogance is not a cute trait, I think we can all agree on that.
The thing is, there is a fine line between healthy self-esteem and arrogance.
You see, self-esteem means knowing that no matter what other people do or say, you are inherently worthy and good as you are.
Arrogance, on the other hand, means that you believe you’re better than everyone else.
Truth be told, arrogance is in reality the complete opposite of self-esteem. Arrogance is a like a mask, concealing insecurity with feigned confidence.
When you are truly confident about your achievements, you don’t have anything to prove.
6) A lack of self-awareness
If you are worried that you might be a loser, chances are you’re not.
You might be asking yourself how I know that.
Well, losers have a total lack of self-awareness, and the idea that they might have to work on themselves doesn’t even cross their minds.
Losers are unable to analyze their own behavior and qualities because they wholeheartedly believe there is nothing wrong with them.
Have you ever taken the time to contemplate yourself, your thoughts and your actions? Congratulations, you are definitely not a loser!
Awareness is already half the solution to any problem! Being able to question your own motives means you are halfway to change!
“I am right and everybody else is wrong, I don’t even want to listen to what you have to say because I’m right anyway.”
Does that sound like someone you know?
Turns out losers have a tendency to believe that there is no such thing as a grey area.
When they have an opinion on something, every other opinion is simply wrong.
You see, in reality most situations have very different points of view with respectfully warranted opinions.
When someone does not have the ability to stay neutral, listen to an opposing view and accept that their opinion is just as valid as theirs, even though it’s different, they’re a loser.
We talked about appearance earlier. While sure, the way you look plays a part in being deemed “successful”, there is a fine line between loving yourself and really LOVING yourself.
It’s natural to want to look good for certain occasions, or even focusing on your appearance a bit every day.
However, there are people who put all of their focus on how they look and especially how they appear to others.
This kind of behavior is actually the opposite of attractive and can easily slip into narcissism.
Think about it: the more you feel the need to appear beautiful and successful to others, the bigger the chance you feel like a loser deep down.
It’s crazy how normal gossip is in daily conversations.
I’m serious, pay some attention next time you’re at a social gathering and you’ll notice that gossiping about others is a crucial part of the interactions.
There is probably nobody who can claim they never participated in gossiping. I know I can’t.
However, there is quite a big downside to this popular form of entertainment.
No matter if the talk is behind someones back, essentially gossiping is just bullying.
As a matter of fact nobody is perfect and everybody makes their own mistakes. Does that mean we all deserve to be talked down behind our backs?
Certainly not. Only losers gain confidence out of tearing other’s down.
10) Lack of integrity
Successful people have a set of values and a moral compass that they don’t like to stray from.
A loser, on the other hand, has a flexible moral compass that he can adjust to his needs at the time.
They have to forsake their values in order to gain fame or wealth? No problem!
You see, truly successful people hold fast to their values and moral standards.
If you are prepared to forsake whatever you believe in to “succeed”, you will never be respected by other people.
Speaking of which, that brings me to my next point:
11) Not respecting yourself or others
We all know it’s rude to disrespect other people, especially when talking to them, but do you wanna know what makes you the biggest loser?
Without self-respect you will never be on the winning end of life, trust me.
But how does one respect themselves?
It starts with setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries prevent other people from taking advantage of you, but they can also help you keep yourself in check.
The thing is, a lack of boundaries usually stems from a lack of self-worth, the two are interlinked.
A loser doesn’t have either of those.
Start setting boundaries by practicing habits that protect your energy, like saying no when you don’t want to do something!
12) Lack of purpose
It probably sounds very logical when I say that losers tend to not have a proper purpose in their life.
You see, purpose is the thing that gives our lives meaning. Without it, we are merely existing.
People derive their purpose from different sources:
- Buidling stuff
Whatever it is that lights up your eyes, that’s your purpose.
In case you might be feeling like you don’t have purpose, think about the things you absolutely love doing.
If nothing comes to mind, think of what sparked your interest as a kid.
That’s a good pointer to your purpose.
Let me tell you a little secret. Purpose is not necessarily about achieving anything at all. Purpose is about living in your truth and being your best self.
Once you do that, you have purpose and you’re not a loser.
13) Being spoiled
Nobody likes a spoiled brat. As much as spoiled brats might have tons of money or opportunities, they will always be losers.
You see, when someone is completely spoiled and doesn’t really have to work for anything in their life, they will forever lack a sense of achievement, and that eats away at the soul.
On top of that, the definition of spoiled is a lack of gratitude for what they have.
Without gratitude, life is dull and sad, believe me.
This is a hot tip to help you feel happier, by the way! Start a gratitude practice each day and list 3 things (or however many you can think of) that you are grateful for.
It can be simple. For me right now, it would look something like this:
1) I’m grateful for the sun coming in through the window
2) I’m grateful for the coffee on my desk
3) I’m grateful for the beautiful music I’m listening to in the background
See? Nothing crazy, but it immediately lifts your spirits.
14) Not helping those in need
It doesn’t matter what you are up to, when you pass someone who is in need, a good person will always stop and help.
Losers lack the empathy needed to engage in this kind of behavior, so they will look the other way when something bad happens.
This could be a kid crying alone in public because they lost their parents, a person injured, an old lady trying to cross the street, a girl trying to get away from a creepy stranger, you name it.
Try to help people out as much as you can.
15) Avoiding responsibility
Losers don’t like to take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they put the blame on others and try to get out of trouble by whatever means necessary.
You see, noble people know that their actions have consequences and they don’t shy away from taking responsibility for mistakes they’ve made.
What losers don’t understand is that taking the blame for mistakes actually makes others respect you more than if you try to look innocent.
How can you avoid being a loser?
Look, nobody is perfect, and although at this point in life I wouldn’t consider myself a loser, I will confess that I used to possess quite a few of these traits at some point in my life.
Being a loser is not a bad thing as long as you are aware of how it is influencing your life negatively.
As we already discussed, awareness is half the solution already.
Once I became aware of all of these traits, I immediately noticed myself doing them during the day and actively changed my behavior.
Turns out we need to be a loser sometimes in order to evolve and grow into our best selves.
If you want to avoid being a loser, focus on being your best self. Try:
- Stepping into your power, also taking responsibility for your life and actions
- Caring about others
- Having an open mind
- Being self-aware
- Establishing boundaries and respecting yourself
- Practicing gratitude
With these few steps you will avoid being a loser in no time, believe me!
Last but not least, I want to mention that it’s okay to be a loser as long as you are aware that there are things you need to work on in order to be a better human being.
Being a loser is not an innate quality you’re born with. Whether you’re a winner or a loser depends solely on what you do with your life and how you treat the people around you.
The good news? It all comes down to mindset, and although not easy, it’s a simple thing to tackle!
Good luck and remember, you are in control of your life.