6 traits of an INFJ that some people find confusing

If you’ve ever met an INFJ, you’ll understand why they’re one of the most confusing and infuriating personality types! 

Don’t get me wrong; they’re not all bad. 

INFJs are caring and compassionate people who go above and beyond to understand and help those they love. 

But, despite their gentle nature, if you catch them at the wrong moment, they can turn pretty vicious. It’s this so-called “dark” side that most people struggle to comprehend. 

One day, they’re hot, and the next, they’re incredibly cold, leaving family and friends unsure as to who they’re dealing with. 

It could be because your typical INFJ is constantly on a mission to figure out their own emotions and thoughts while trying to support and delve into the inner workings of others. 

Some consider them a walking paradox. 

To better understand this intriguing personality type, I’m going to explore some of the 6 traits of an INFJ that some people find confusing. 

Prepare yourself; this is an interesting one. 

1) They’re selfless but easily overwhelmed. 

INFJs are soft-hearted people who always go the extra mile for others. As part of their nature, these individuals have a deep desire to right the wrongs of the world, and when they see someone in need, they do their utmost to help them. 

The problem is that they become so engrossed in helping others that they often sacrifice their own needs and interests

While their drive to assist other people is certainly admirable, it can take over their lives, affecting their relationships with their family and partners. 

People are often confused by the fact that they can act so passionately defending others, yet they struggle to find their voice and stand up for themselves. 

An INFJ will bear the brunt of others’ attitudes toward them, and they’ll take on a significant amount of emotional baggage until they reach a point where they feel overwhelmed and stressed out. 

2) They’re trusting but shut down quickly. 

As with any typical introvert, INFJs are generally quiet and like to keep to themselves, but they also go out of their way to get to know someone they’re interested in on a very deep level. 

They love with their whole heart and every part of their being, and this helps them thrive on connections they make with their friends and family. Loyalty is at the core of who they are, and no matter what happens, they go out of their way to make sure that the people in their closest circles are always happy. 

Then, all of a sudden, things change. 

You won’t hear from them for days, and it’s as if they’ve disappeared. That’s because this personality type needs their time out. 

They’re socially awkward, and because of their introversion, they reach a stage where they have to switch off and recharge their batteries on their own. 

People who don’t quite understand the ways of INFJs are offended by this change in behavior, but before they know it, these introverts reach out like nothing ever happened. 

There’s another confusing phenomenon involving INFJs. It’s called “the door slam.”

When INFJs feel slighted or manipulated, they will shut the guilty party out of their lives without any explanation. They’ll be just fine moving on without ever explaining the reason for never making contact with the person again.

3) They’re kind yet cruel. 

When I described INFJs as being hot one minute and cold the next, I was talking about their ability to be gentle and kind and then transform into a seemingly completely different person the next. 

I understand that every single one of us has our limits. 

We can only take so much, whether it be pressure at work or feeling unappreciated in a relationship, before we need to say something to avoid anger, burnout, and resentment. 

The difference between an INFJ and a regular person is that an INFJ will tolerate things that agitate or frustrate them without saying anything about it for far too long. 

Even their closest family and intimate partners won’t notice the burden they’re carrying until they break down and lash out. What’s worse is that they keep stock of personal information that they’ll use against you in an argument. 

In a romantic relationship, the introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging type can love deeply and passionately, but if they feel that their needs aren’t being met or you do something that hurts them, they will shut down and cut you out of their lives. 

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They become so angry and say hurtful things due to their disappointment, pent-up emotions, and feeling psychologically trapped. 

How can someone go from being quiet and caring to viscous without warning? 

What’s even more confusing is that an INFJ will feel horrible about their reaction. They constantly apologize and try to make up for their reaction for days after the event. You’ll see their loving and attentive side again, which makes you question their sincerity. 

pic2101 6 traits of an INFJ that some people find confusing

4) They’re imaginative yet rational. 

The intuitive and sensitive side of this personality type gives them the ability to think deeply about life, people, and everything around them. They enjoy learning about the small details, and they tend to think outside the box. 

These personality types have vast imaginations, and they have a habit of getting lost in their thoughts. You could think of them as big dreamers, and in company, you’ll generally hear them talk about elaborate plans and goals with passion and clarity. 

At the same time, INFJs are rational thinkers. 

They can take complex concepts and break them down in a logical way. You might not know this, but this personality is one of the most intelligent. That’s because such individuals are motivated by a desire to constantly expand their knowledge. 

Their sensitivity helps them adopt a modest attitude, so they never force their ideas or opinions on others. 

An INFJ will listen to contrasting perspectives and take constructive criticism and feedback in stride. They understand the importance of listening to all sides of a story before concluding. 

In addition to their everyday intelligence, these individuals are emotionally intelligent. They have empathy for others and know how to show their compassion. 

While INFJs can be logical and detail-oriented, they can also be wildly creative and expressive. Most see these traits as paradoxical. It’s like thinking of a scientist as artistic, which isn’t impossible but unlikely, and that’s confusing for most. 

5) They’re empathic but struggle to open up. 

One thing that you can’t fault an INFJ on is their ability to develop lasting bonds with people they trust. 

They believe in forming deep connections with others and have a tremendous amount of empathy, but it takes them a while to feel comfortable enough to share their emotions with you. 

This is where most get a little bit frustrated and confused. 

An INFJ expects you to show your loyalty and vulnerability to them by sharing your innermost thoughts and emotions, but they find it challenging to open up to you. 

When they do explain how they feel or share a personal story about their lives, it’s a very rare event. They’ll only tell someone how they feel if they’ve established a meaningful bond and feel like they can trust you. 

People in a romantic relationship with an INFJ struggle to understand why they aren’t consistent in expressing what they’re feeling and thinking, but it’s because an INFJ finds it hard to be vulnerable. 

6) They’re deep thinkers but naive. 

Intuitiveness is a major part of the thinking and feeling personality type, and despite their ability to be reasonable and logical, they rely heavily on this keen sense of intuition

Some would describe it as having a sixth sense when it comes to figuring out the motives of others or making big decisions that affect their lives. 

They’re smart because they take the time to examine situations and look at things objectively, but they also trust their instincts and go with what feels right and safe. 

On the other hand, many INFJs fall victim to naivety. 

They have a childlike curiosity that clouds their judgment, and more often than not, they trust too easily or too quickly, which lands them in hot water. They get taken advantage of, leaving them hurt and unable to make sense of the situation. 

Their sensitive and feeling nature stops them from thinking that someone will deliberately treat them poorly, and they fail to see the signs of a toxic friendship or relationship until it’s too late. 

Final words

INFJs are quiet yet passionate and intuitive but logical. They’re described as silent rebels because they’re introverts by heart, but don’t make them feel like they’re being emotionally trapped. 

You’ll see another side to these calm and compassionate individuals that will leave you shocked and perplexed. 

Let’s face it! INFJs are confusing; there’s no doubt about it. They have so many contradictory traits that you’ll find yourself constantly trying to decipher their complex style of communication. 

But whether you know an INFJ or you’re one yourself; I would best describe this personality type as truly one of a kind. 

Picture of Marcel Deer

Marcel Deer

Marcel is a journalist, gamer, and entrepreneur. When not obsessing over his man cave or the latest tech, he’s failing helplessly at training his obnoxious rescue dog ‘Boogies’.

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