Tired of begging for attention in a relationship? 14 tips if this is you

pexels ron lach 9530904 1 Tired of begging for attention in a relationship? 14 tips if this is you

Are you in a relationship where you have maxed out your time in the begging game?

If so, you aren’t alone.

If you need to beg for your partner’s attention, you might be in a relationship that is not healthy for you.

Here are 14 ways that will help break the begging pattern.

1) Change your behavior

First one and it is already a tricky part, right?

A healthy relationship usually works just fine with little but important efforts.

But if your partner is constantly ignoring you or very distant from you, something is wrong here. The behavior of one member in a relationship has to be matched by the other one.

In other words: if there is no action from your partner’s side, you might have to change your behavior and do something about it yourself. You might need to start a conversation with them, initiate sex, or show some other forms of affection.

But do talk to them in a calm manner.

Tell them that their behavior hurts you and that it is time for both of you to act as a team. Might as well ask if there is something worrying or stressing their mind.

Instead of focusing on what you want from your partner, focus on them.

Your behavior is a great barometer of your partner’s needs and wants. And maybe, your behavior is part of the problem.

2) Don’t focus on your partner’s flaws

If you are begging for a change, don’t build up your partner’s mistakes. They already know them anyway.

Instead, focus on why you like your partner as he or she is. Think of the things that others might not like but you do.

We all know there’s no perfect partner – but then again, there’s no perfect human being.

Few can perform flawlessly in every situation.

If you keep on thinking about your partner’s negative sides, you will eventually get them.

Do it with love, patience, and understanding – sad truth is, it might only take one flaw to ruin any relationship.

And if your partner is able to be with you in good and bad times, there’s a huge possibility that they’re the one for you.

Focus on that part and not on their flaws. Because if you kept on thinking about shortcomings, it will ruin your relationship even more.

3) Stop blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong in the relationship

In a healthy relationship, two people work together for a common goal, not against each other.

But if you start thinking that it’s all your partner’s fault, you’ll soon get where you are right now.

Communication between the two of you is essential to having a healthy relationship. Hence when you are not getting what you want, blaming your partner is not the way.

Sure, the blame game might help you feel better and you’ll be able to verbally vent, but let me tell you, there’s really no point in it all.

Listen to your emotions instead – listen for them and question them as you go about in life.

If your feelings are hurt when they ignore you or withdraw from the conversation, take them seriously and discuss them calmly with your partner. You might learn that there’s an issue you didn’t know about. And then again, they might be right and you were wrong.

In any case, make sure you are talking to the person who really matters: your partner.

Don’t talk to someone else at work or to your friends or parents. They will not understand completely what is going on.

And if they do, don’t expect them to help you as much as your partner would. After all, this is a problem between two people: you and your partner.

4) Change the relationship dynamic

If your relationship is in a constant state of begging, it will only become more stressful as time goes by.

The best relationships are built on respect and trust; the worst is based on mutual manipulation and domination. Again, it is never healthy to beg for attention in a relationship.

You might want something special and important or you might just want to feel good, and if you are spending most of your energy begging for these things, you’re not in a balanced and healthy relationship.

Picture this: if one partner is being needy all the time, the other one will eventually get tired of it and ignore him or her.

Truth be told, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

That’s what I recently did.

When I was at my worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you with other issues in your relationship too.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

5) Learn how to be alone for a while

Many people don’t seem to understand that being alone doesn’t always come with loneliness or sadness.

Being lonely and being alone are completely different things! Just ask any “lonely” person – all they need is the company of someone who cares.

Being alone sometimes can be very liberating. This time can help you find all that you are looking for in a relationship.

This doesn’t mean though that you need to break up with them, no – you only need a change of environment and a change of perspective.

Your partner might already be close to finding him or herself and you need to be there for them during that time.

The two of you don’t have to date, but you can have a good time alone together without feeling any pressure from the other person.

When you are free from needing the other person there, it truly opens up your mind to who they really are and not who you want them to be.

Don’t wait for your partner to see things your way – just be yourself and let go of the idea that it’s necessarily their responsibility to satisfy or nurture you all the time.

6) Focus on yourself first

This is in relation to the point I made earlier – spending time alone is important.

If you are spending most of your time worrying about how your partner is doing or caring for them, you’ll start feeling like a victim. And then eventually they will feel like a victim too.

This means that both of you will be wasting your time and energy on each other instead of on yourselves.

There’s nothing wrong with focusing on the well being of others, but it can become a toxic loop when all you can think about is your partner’s problems.

It helps to have outside interests and hobbies to help keep some balance in our lives.

Wake up early in the morning and leave your partner alone for a while (if you’re living together, don’t go home yet). Go to a park nearby and write down what are your dreams, what are your goals and how you want this relationship to improve.

Don’t spend ALL your time together, but don’t get too far ahead either. This can be a dangerous middle ground.

This is how you can make your relationship better – by doing resources and putting them to good use!

It’s important to have at least one subject that you want to focus on in your life, whether it’s art, cooking, writing or something else altogether.

7) Try out forgiveness

pexels olya kobruseva 5055876 1 1 Tired of begging for attention in a relationship? 14 tips if this is you

If you want to get your partner’s attention, think about what you can do to make it happen.

Forgiveness is a way of letting go of anger and resentment. Instead of making your partner be accountable for past mistakes, forgive them and move on.

This creates an environment that fosters intimacy instead of distance and resentment. Begging for attention doesn’t foster intimacy and leads to more distance rather than getting closer to your partner.

You’re not doing anything right when you are begging, you’re just being negative and whining. When your partner asks you to stop doing this, they want you to know what they want – support and intimacy.

Forgive yourself in order to give your partner the space they want, to let them be their own person and make mistakes without hate.

If you want him or her to be more open with you, take a step back instead of thinking ahead and try to control them.

This can become a controlling relationship from the start.

So forgive yourself for what you have done wrong and apologize for hurting your partner in any way.

8) Stop having the same old fights

If you are having a fight and you feel like your partner is triggered or overbearing with their behavior, you need to calm down.

They might have been reacting to the situation and not being intimately aware of what just happened.

Step back a little, it seems obvious that they are out of line and start to plan your next move with them.

This means that you will be able to subtly get them around on track without accidentally pushing them away entirely.

There’s no point in trying to keep up with them or beat them – because this can backfire in a way that nobody wants.

I’m going to remind you again about the importance of communication here, so don’t do anything on your own.

Your partner is going to need your help and you are going to need theirs.

This is a very important point to remember. Keep in mind that this happens between two people, so be mindful of every interaction.

9) Don’t be afraid to walk away from them

Many people think about walking away from their partner for many different reasons.

These reasons range from feeling like the relationship isn’t working anymore to being physically and emotionally neglected. In many cases, these people feel like they can’t get out of the situation and they aren’t even willing to consider that option anymore.

When you are in an unhealthy relationship and you want to get out, there is always someone who will listen to your story, encourage you to leave and point you in the right direction.

Taking the first step toward offending someone means that you might suffer the consequences of your actions later on.

You have made a choice and it’s not just a decision – it has real repercussions and large effects on your life in general.

The only way to prevent this is by taking action right away.

The longer you stay in the relationship, the more guilt and shame you will feel for not taking action sooner.

You cannot be afraid of what will happen when you walk away from your current situation, especially if your partner doesn’t know that you are leaving them.

This is called passive-aggressive behavior and it can be very toxic in a relationship.

Never make a decision that might hurt or upset your partner without talking to them about it first – once again, communication is key here. Don’t treat it as a decision that is going to change your life, because in reality, this is always true.

If you have been betrayed and you want to tell that person about what’s going on, do it in a clear and concise manner. This will keep them calm about the situation.

The less open you are with your partner, the more time you spend with them trying to get over the situation – this can lead to more regret in the future.

So try not to hide anything from your partner. Let them how you feel and if they truly care for you, they won’t let you walk away.

10) Show that you are scared of what will happen

This is something that many people forget about and it’s an important factor to have in your relationship.

The reason behind this is that we feel like if we aren’t getting the attention of a loved one in our lives now, we will never get it again in the future either. This can be a result of what happened when we were children and it’s not uncommon for people to experience these emotions.

Being scared in a relationship can be as simple as feeling like you aren’t getting the attention you want, or you are afraid that they might leave you.

It’s such a simple concept, but it can be quite complex at the same time.

This kind of neglect from your partner is very common and most people don’t get over it as quickly as they would like to.

When you tell your partner that you feel this way, it’s going to make them think about what they could do to change the situation and make you happy.

If your partner does nothing, there’s a big chance that you will keep coming up with new ways of getting their attention.

As a result of fearing the relationship’s future, you might become obsessive in order to prevent them from leaving.

11) Have realistic expectations towards your partner and the relationship

This is such a common issue that you need to watch out for in your relationships that it’s almost funny.

I mean, who doesn’t have expectations towards the important people in their lives?

Nobody would ever think about it or talk about it, but we all do.

There is nothing wrong with having expectations towards each other as we all come from different backgrounds.

Even if your partner comes from the same background as you and they have similar views or beliefs, things can still get complicated from time to time. This is because you both have different expectations for your relationship.

This can lead to conflicts in the long run and it’s a natural part of everything you will ever do in life.

The most important thing here is that you discuss your expectations towards your partner and try to find a common ground between the two of you.

This is an area where many relationships end up splitting apart because they feel like they are being threatened by what their partner wants out of the relationship.

Having realistic expectations doesn’t mean lowering your bar – it’s just a mindset based on reality.

If you do this, it will lead to a more positive relationship with fewer power struggles and greater peace in the long run.

You can have these expectations because you are willing to compromise and be flexible towards each other.

It’s all about making sure that neither of you are taken advantage of and that there is a balance between both partners.

12) Avoid feeling like you can’t break away from the relationship

It’s sad to see that people are trapped in relationships that they don’t want to be in.

They feel like they are trapped since they fear what will happen if they walk away from their partners, even if they know that it’s the right thing to do.

These people usually feel like nobody will believe them when they try talking about their relationship and how it makes them feel.

Happiness is such a blissful thing and it’s so painful for someone to have negative feelings towards something or someone who almost made them happy before. But this isn’t always a bad thing, even though it can be painful at times.

Sometimes, you need to go through the pain of losing someone to realize that they weren’t a good match for you in the first place.

If you still feel like you are trapped in a relationship and you know that it isn’t the right thing for you anymore, start looking for signs that the time has come for your relationship to end.

Your partner will show these signs when they don’t want to be with you anymore and from there, it’s just a matter of time before everything is over.

So if this is something that keeps happening to people, why would anyone keep on doing something when they can choose differently?

The answer is simple – because we are humans and we make mistakes.

13) Accept the fact that you might need to let them go

A lot of times we feel like nothing will work out for us and when we are in a relationship, this is even worse.

If your partner isn’t willing to compromise with you or doesn’t seem to care about the relationship anymore, consider breaking up with them before things get even worse.

Don’t let other people control your life and put unnecessary pressure on you.

It’s not uncommon for people to pretend to be okay with something they don’t want if they think there is some way they can fix it.

This is just as bad because you’re doing exactly what they wanted you to do in the first place.

You might feel like this person is everything to you and the thought of losing them might make your life crumble, but don’t forget that it’s not worth giving up everything just because someone else doesn’t want to change.

You don’t need to tolerate things that make no sense with someone who doesn’t care or have any concern for you as a person.

14) But if you want to make the relationship work, don’t give up

If you love someone and you are willing to do anything for them, it’s a no-brainer that you don’t give up. This can be confusing when you know that at the end of the day, it’s still not worth it.

We don’t always choose to be with someone for the reasons that make sense in our lives.

But there are things we can do if you feel like this is something that you want to work out and make it better – even if your situation seems hopeless at times.

Get them to understand that you are willing to work things out and become a part of a relationship that is going to work for both of you.

If your partner wants to make this work, they need to do the same: get down on their knees and propose a compromise with you.

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first?

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.

So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with others and solve the problem of the need to beg for your loved one’s attention, start with yourself.

Check out the free video here.

You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

Final thoughts

Relationships are hard and they don’t always go as we would have liked them to.

Perhaps you’ve found that regardless of everything, your partner is still nothing but a source of pain and frustration.

If this happens to you, don’t give up just yet.

Keep the hope alive wherein you are in a relationship that you don’t need to beg for attention anymore – you know that this person is worth fighting for but you deserve better than what you are getting from your partner.

If you want to improve it, get to know yourself first – accept who you are, love yourself and work on your relationships with others.

The problem will be fixed if both of you are aware of each other’s needs and make a good effort to fix the mistakes in a couple’s relationship.

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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