Part of being human is feeling that deeply seated need to be loved.
Unfortunately, and more often than not, our need to be loved blinds us to the kind of people who come into our lives and we often find ourselves falling into relationships – and love! – with the wrong kind of people.
We tell ourselves that we’d rather be with someone and be miserable than be alone.
But every now and then a person comes along who seems to have it all and who makes us feel like a million bucks, only to disappear and leave us wanting more.
Love bombers, as relationship experts call them, are actually narcissistic people who seek out relationships only to destroy the person who enters into the relationship with them.
Not all narcissistic people are love bombers, but every now and then you get a unique combination of the two and you are left feeling broken, burned, and alone.
What is a love bomber?
A love bomber is a unique breed of person who actively seeks out someone with the intention of manipulating them, overpowering them, demoralizing them, and more.
That doesn’t sound like any partner you’d want in a relationship, now does it?
The only problem is that you won’t know these things about this person until your relationship is well underway.
What might poke its ugly head up from time to time and seem like just a passing flare, will eventually become the norm in the relationship and slowly you’ll find yourself being broken down by what this person is doing to you.
To say these kinds of relationships are toxic is an understatement
However, there’s no way to really know for sure that someone is going to come out from under the cloak that they are wearing and show their narcissistic side.
That’s part of the manipulation piece of their personality. They come and go as they please and leave their partners wondering if that was just a “one-off” or if it will happen again.
Of course, after the first few times of them taking advantage of you or saying things that leave you feeling less than desirable, you’ll realize that they are not who they said they were and you might decide you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore.
But that is when the real problem starts
You see, people who are narcissistic love bombers will make you feel like the worst human being on the planet for wanting to leave them.
They’ll make you feel like everything is falling apart because of you and that they are the way they are because of you.
You won’t believe your own mind and you’ll find it hard to trust yourself, or even those around you who are telling you to get out of the relationship.
That is how strong the hold of a narcissistic love bomber actually is!
And when and if you do break free, you’ll likely want to seek some kind of counselling or professional help to repair your self-image and understanding of who you are because they are going to do a number on your self-confidence and self-esteem.
You’ll get out of the relationship, but with your pride in tack is not always a guarantee.
How to spot a love bomber
One way that this kind of relationship might manifest is if the love bomber has low self-esteem.
Rather than break down your self-esteem, they might rely heavily on you to build up theirs.
They may present as being very needy and untrustworthy, blaming you for how they feel and constantly declaring – without reason – that you are going to leave them and they are going to hurt themselves if you do.
It’s all very dangerous and people can get hurt in these kinds of relationships, not just emotionally, but physically.
Narcissists have a difficult time processing emotions the way regular people do, and while it’s hard to argue what “regular” is, what we mean is that the way most people feel and experience love is that they welcome it and reciprocate it based on mutual feelings and understanding.
A narcissist only wants to take love and use it for their own gain without worrying how it will impact others. It leaves the partner, usually you, feeling drained and the whole relationship feels one-sided, to say the least.
So if you find yourself entering into a relationship with someone who suddenly shifts gears and feels like a different person to you, take that as a sign that it’s time to get out of the relationship and move on to greener pastures.
There’s no need to explore what that might be: if you get stuck in a relationship with a narcissistic love bomber, it will be difficult to get out and save your own sanity.