9 things you don’t realize you’re doing that make people dislike you

Navigating the fine balance between being liked and inadvertently becoming the person others can’t stand is a subtle art.

Unbeknownst to us, certain behaviors may be tipping the scales toward the latter.

In the intricate dance of social interactions, there are 9 subtle moves that, if not careful, can transform you from the likable companion to the unintentional provocateur. Being aware of these repelling behaviors will help sharpen your social awareness and help you foster better relationships down the road.

Ready to find out more? Let’s dive right in. 

1) Over-negotiating personal boundaries

The importance of personal boundaries can’t be overstated in our social lives. They’re the invisible lines that we draw around ourselves to maintain our comfort, safety, and well-being.

But here’s the catch – sometimes we overstep these lines without even realizing it. We might think we’re just being friendly or interested, but in reality, we could be making others uncomfortable by encroaching on their personal space or asking overly personal questions.

This is a common mistake that many of us make. We may think that by showing interest in the other person’s life, we are building a stronger connection. But there’s a delicate balance to be maintained. Cross it, and you risk making the other person feel uncomfortable or intruded upon.

A word to the wise: Respect the boundaries that others have set for themselves, and understand that everyone has different levels of comfort when it comes to personal space and privacy.

2) Being overly competitive

Ah, competitiveness – something that’s been a part of me since I was a kid. Whether it was sports, video games, or even who could finish their dinner the fastest, I always had to be the best.

But it wasn’t until my adult life that I realized this need to always “win” wasn’t exactly winning me any friends.

There was this one time at a friendly neighborhood barbecue. We were all playing a casual game of volleyball. It was just for fun, something to do while we enjoyed the food and each other’s company. But there I was, diving for every ball and correcting every wrong move my teammates made.

At first, I thought my enthusiasm was infectious. But soon, I noticed the smiles turning into annoyed glances. The laughter started to die down and the atmosphere grew tense. It hit me then – my competitiveness was sucking the fun out of the game.

That day taught me a valuable lesson. There’s a time and place for competitiveness, but not every situation calls for a winner. Sometimes, people just want to enjoy the moment without worrying about who’s going to come out on top.

3) Constantly interrupting others

Conversations are a two-way street, involving both speaking and listening. However, some of us have a habit of interrupting others while they’re speaking, which can be perceived as disrespectful and dismissive.

In fact, a study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior found that people who frequently interrupt others are often perceived as more domineering and less likable. This is because interrupting someone else’s speech implies that what you have to say is more important than what they’re saying.

When we allow others to express themselves fully, it not only shows respect but also helps us understand their perspective better. 

4) Negativity overload

We all have bad days, and it’s completely normal to vent or share our frustrations from time to time. However, constantly dwelling on the negative can become exhausting for those around us.

If you find yourself always complaining about your problems, focusing on what’s wrong rather than what’s right, or being cynical about everything, it might be turning people off.

Imagine being around someone who’s always raining on your parade, pointing out the worst in every situation. It can feel draining and even demoralizing after a while.

Life is full of ups and downs. By acknowledging the good along with the bad, we make our interactions more enjoyable and meaningful for everyone involved. Remember, positivity is contagious – spread it around!

5) Lack of empathy

Imagine sharing a personal struggle with someone, only to have them dismiss your feelings or change the subject entirely. It’s not a great feeling, is it?

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to do is to spend time with an unsympathetic person.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a critical component in building strong, meaningful relationships. Without it, our interactions can feel shallow and self-centered. 

More than that, when we fail to show empathy, we’re sending out a message that we’re more concerned about our own feelings and experiences than those of others. This can make us come across as narcissists. 

Demonstrating empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person or solve their problems. It’s about acknowledging their feelings and showing them that they’re not alone.

6) Not keeping your word

People who are secretly insecure often use these 12 words or phrases 2 9 things you don't realize you're doing that make people dislike you

Few things make people dislike us faster than broken promises. Here’s why. 

When we fail to keep our word, we’re essentially telling the other person that we don’t value their time or feelings. It can feel like a betrayal, causing them to question our integrity and reliability.

Consider this scenario: You promise a friend you’ll help them move over the weekend. But when the day comes, you bail at the last minute. Your friend is left feeling let down and frustrated. Now, can you blame your friend for blocking you out of their life?

We all have moments when circumstances beyond our control prevent us from fulfilling our commitments. However, repeatedly breaking your word can lead to others doubting your trustworthiness.

7) Oversharing

In an effort to connect with others, sometimes we may share more than necessary. While it’s great to be open, there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing.

Once during a group meeting at work, I found myself going into great detail about a recent breakup. I thought being candid about my personal life would make me relatable. However, I later realized that it made some of my colleagues uncomfortable.

Oversharing can put people in awkward situations, especially if the shared information is too personal or inappropriate for the setting. It’s important to gauge the comfort level of your audience and the appropriateness of the situation before divulging personal details.

The moral of the story is: every conversation doesn’t have to be a deep dive into your life story. Sometimes, less is more when it comes to sharing personal information.

8) Dominating conversations

If you find yourself monopolizing discussions, interrupting others, or turning every topic of conversation back to you, it’s time to hit the brakes. Let me explain.

Communication is a two-way street. It’s about listening as much as it is about talking. However, dominating conversations – always steering them back to yourself or your own experiences – can make people feel unheard and unimportant.

I understand we all love to share our stories and opinions. But in doing so, we must not forget to provide space for others to express theirs.

Here’s another way to look at it: a great conversation is like a tennis match. It involves a back-and-forth exchange where both parties get a chance to serve and return. The next time you’re engaged in a conversation, take a step back and give the other person the floor.

9) Not showing appreciation

One of the simplest, yet most powerful ways to build positive relationships is to show appreciation. When we fail to acknowledge the good in others, we miss out on an opportunity to make them feel valued and important.

It’s astonishing how a simple ‘thank you’ or ‘well done’ can brighten someone’s day. By expressing gratitude and giving credit where it’s due, we not only make others feel good but also foster an environment of positivity and mutual respect.

A relationship thrives on mutual appreciation. Even if two individuals are close, if one party fails to genuinely appreciate and acknowledge the other, the relationship can become strained over time.

The truth is: appreciation costs nothing but means everything. It’s good sense to express it when someone deserves it.

Final thoughts: It’s all about self-awareness

The beauty of human behavior lies in its complexity and diversity. We are all unique, each with our own set of quirks, strengths, and areas of improvement.

In our journey to be better versions of ourselves, understanding how our actions impact others is crucial. This self-awareness is the first step towards positive change.

The behaviors discussed in this article aren’t inherently bad. We all make mistakes, have bad days, and let our emotions get the best of us sometimes. What matters is recognizing these behaviors and how they can potentially come across to others.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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