10 things women do in relationships when they lack self-confidence

When women lack self-confidence in relationships, this can get in the way of a happy and healthy one.

Research even shows that having a healthy level of self-esteem contributes to satisfying relationships.

Meanwhile, low confidence can lead to behaviours like being overly jealous and clingy and not setting boundaries.

But these aren’t the only side-effects of having little confidence.

In this article, we’ll look at 10 things women do in a relationship when they lack self-confidence.

1) They ask for constant reassurance and validation

When women in relationships lack self-confidence, they’ll look for constant reassurance and validation from their partner.

This is because women with little to no confidence aren’t entirely happy or comfortable in their skin.

For example, they may believe they’re not attractive, interesting or worthy of their partner.

So, they look outward to get that validation from the person they’re with.

They’ll ask questions like, ‘What do you see in me?’, ‘Do you find me attractive?’ or ‘You love me, right?’ so their partner will tell them what they want to hear.

But even if their other half tells them they’re amazing, the most beautiful woman in their eyes, or that they love them to pieces, this still may not be enough for them.

Unconfident women may still doubt their partner’s feelings and even question them.

So, no matter how many nice things their partner tells them, they’ll still have trouble believing it.

2) They get defensive and upset at innocent comments

While compliments won’t have a long-lasting effect, other comments will have the opposite.

Women who lack confidence think lowly of themselves.

So, it’s easy for them to twist their partner’s words, make assumptions and take innocent comments the wrong way.

Let’s say a woman has dressed up for a special occasion. She asks her man how she looks. In response, he says that she looks ‘nice’.

This innocent comment may upset an unconfident woman because it’s not the response she hoped for.

Now, she’s convinced her partner doesn’t find her attractive and that she doesn’t, in fact, look nice at all.

Since her partner is the one who gives her validation, their comments become an unconfident woman’s identity, innocent or otherwise.

3) They bombard their partner with calls and texts when they’re not together

Women with low self-confidence may also feel the need to constantly check up on their partners when they’re not together.

Because they have low confidence, they may believe they’re not good enough and that their other half will ‘find someone better’.

So, when their partner is away, their minds run wild, imagining everything their partner could be getting up to.

As you can imagine, none of the things they’re thinking of are good.

These are thoughts like their partner meeting someone else and cheating.

On top of that, insecure women may not trust their partners.

Even if their other half hasn’t given them any reason not to trust them, women with little confidence will still have seeds of doubt in their minds.

This means they’ll feel the need to call and text their partner all the time when they’re apart.

This insecurity and lack of trust lead me to my next point.

4) They cling to their partner 24/7

midlife crisis husband wants divorce 1 10 things women do in relationships when they lack self-confidence

Because women with low self-confidence are afraid of what might happen when their partners are away, they cling to them 24/7.

Now, there’s a difference between wanting to be around your partner all the time and needing to.

When you want to be around them constantly, you love and miss them, even when you’ve been apart for a short while.

But this differs from someone who clings to their partner. This is someone who depends on and evolves their life around their relationship.

When friends, family, hobbies and interests get ditched in favour of their partner.

Clingy behaviour, however, can spell danger for a relationship.

Studies have shown that clinginess is among the top things that can be a deal breaker.

5) They check their partner’s phone and social media

As mentioned, women with low self-confidence tend not to trust their partners. This can lead to behaviours like checking their partner’s phone and even social media profiles.

They might scroll through pictures their partner liked on Instagram or check texts for incriminating messages.

And this is all without their partner giving them any reason to be suspicious.

Women with low self-esteem often create reasons not to trust their partner.

For instance, ‘They didn’t text back, so something must be up’, or ‘He was too friendly with that woman. He must be seeing her behind my back’.

They may also turn an innocent message or ‘like’ into something more than it is or even as confirmation of their partner’s infidelity.

There’s also another reason they might do this.

6) They get overly jealous and insecure

Women with low self-confidence are insecure.

But another attribute of a woman who lacks self-esteem is how irrationally jealous they can get.

A little jealousy is normal. If you’re attracted to your partner, being a little jealous shows your relationship is alive and well.

But jealousy can go overboard when taken to the extreme.

For example, an insecure woman might get jealous if her boyfriend so much as speaks or looks at another woman.

She might think she’s not good enough or convince herself that her boyfriend must like that woman he spoke to or looked at.

Being insecure can also lead women to do the next thing on this list.

7) They compare themselves to others

Going back to my example of the woman who is irrationally jealous because her boyfriend looked at another woman.

An unconfident woman might end up comparing herself to this other person. And in her mind, that woman will be a cut above her.

She’ll see this other woman as prettier, slimmer, more interesting and filled with qualities she believes she lacks.

Therefore, that must mean her boyfriend likes this other woman and will inevitably leave her.

This comparison extends to pictures her man might like of someone else or someone he’s texting.

Women who lack self-confidence will get into the habit of comparing themselves to others. Not only that, but they’ll see themselves as being in 2nd place.

8) They don’t set boundaries

codependent mistakes in relationship 10 things women do in relationships when they lack self-confidence

Confident women set boundaries. They expect to be treated a certain way and won’t tolerate behaviour that falls beneath their expectations.

These are behaviours like being disrespected, manipulated or neglected.

But women with low confidence fail to do this.

They may be too scared to set boundaries because of the consequences.

For example, they may think their partner will think less of them or leave them if they set or confront any boundaries their partner has crossed.

This makes insecure women susceptible to being lied to, manipulated or controlled.

Instead of confronting these behaviours, they’ll put up with it, even if that means sacrificing their well-being. 

Women with low confidence don’t like conflict either, which is why …

9) They avoid conflict by hiding their feelings

The thing about setting boundaries is if they’re crossed, conflicts will happen.

But women with little confidence will avoid conflict, even if they have to bury their feelings.

They do this because they don’t want to upset or fall out with their partner by bringing up any issues.

In fact, women with little confidence will go the other way.

They’ll be overly accommodating and prioritise their partner’s needs.

While it’s normal to put your partner before yourself, women with low confidence do this at the cost of their feelings, needs and general well-being.

10) They sabotage the relationship

Their partner may treat them perfectly well and be both loving and kind.

But a woman with low self-confidence will find a way to pick at the relationship and form cracks in it.

She might do this partly from fear but also because she believes she’s not good enough.

If things seem too good to be true, she’ll invent problems that weren’t there, to begin with.

For example, if her partner doesn’t text back right away, she’ll assume they’re getting up to no good.

She might then start an argument with her partner or resort to drastic measures to catch them out – like snooping through their phone.

These things can cause a wedge in the relationship and get toxic, often leading to a point of no return.

How to build self-confidence

When women have low self-confidence, it affects not only them but their partners, too.

It puts pressure on their other half to give extra support and reassurance, causing an imbalance in the relationship.

Self-confidence starts from within, so focus on validating yourself first and foremost.

Write down your good qualities and remind yourself of these daily.

And when negative self-talk kicks in, remember that these thoughts are not a true reflection of who you are.

Self-confidence doesn’t happen overnight. But by being consistent, and

continuing to build a portfolio of positive qualities about yourself, your confidence in time will be where it’s supposed to be.

Picture of Natalya Edwards

Natalya Edwards

Natalya Edwards is a content writer with experience writing content on diverse topics, from entertainment and music to personal development and short stories. When she’s not typing away at the keyboard, she enjoys gaming, reading and watching Korean dramas.

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