12 things women do in relationships that make them look insecure

Insecurity is a subtle thief that steals away the vivacious spark of our personality, especially for women. 

With the societal spotlight often unfairly critical, exuding confidence becomes vital. 

But alas, relationships have their sneaky ways of bringing out the doubts we never knew we had. 

Ladies, here’s a look at 12 things we might unknowingly do in our heteronormative relationships that can make us seem insecure. 

Don’t worry, we’re all in this together!

1) Over-analyzing his every word and move

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? He says something offhand, and suddenly our minds are racing, dissecting every syllable, every glance. 

Does he mean this or that? What’s behind those words? 

I’ve spent countless nights puzzling over such things, and let me tell you, it never leads anywhere good. 

Over-analysis is a rabbit hole of insecurity that can really mess with your peace of mind.

2) Seeking constant validation for our appearance

It’s a Friday night, you’ve got on that stunning new dress, and yet, the words “Do I look okay?” escape your lips more times than you’d like to admit. 

Believe me, I’ve been that girl too, needing my partner’s validation to feel beautiful. 

While it’s normal to want to look great, relying on someone else’s approval all the time can make us appear insecure. Remember, confidence is the best accessory!

3) Making everything a “test” he has to pass

Okay, I must confess, I once asked my boyfriend to choose between watching his favorite game or spending time with me. 

It was a “test,” you see? But looking back, I realized that these tests, while sometimes stemming from genuine concern, can become manipulative and betray a lack of trust. 

Relationships aren’t exams, and turning them into a series of trials can make us seem unsure, needy, and yes, insecure.

4) Over-sharing personal details too quickly

You know those deep, dark secrets or embarrassing childhood memories we all have? 

Sure, they’re a part of us, but sometimes, in our eagerness to connect, we might share too much, too soon. 

I’ve done this, and it felt like giving away parts of myself before the other person was ready to accept them. 

This oversharing can come off as an insecure need to bond, rather than a natural progression of intimacy.

5) Obsessing over social media comparisons

Social media is both a blessing and a curse. While scrolling through those perfect pictures, have you ever caught yourself comparing your relationship to others? 

I admit, I’ve fallen into this trap, feeling inadequate when my life didn’t look as glamorous. But ladies, remember, those are mere snapshots, not the whole story. 

Obsessing over these comparisons only feeds our insecurities and diminishes our unique relationship dynamics.

6) Always being the one to initiate communication

losing independence in relationship 12 things women do in relationships that make them look insecure

Communication is key, we all know that. But have you ever found yourself always being the one to text or call first? 

While it might seem like no big deal, I’ve noticed how it can slowly chip away at your self-assurance. 

It’s like an underlying fear that if you don’t initiate, they won’t either. 

Striking a balance here shows confidence in your partner’s interest and allows space for the relationship to breathe.

7) Apologizing for everything (even when it’s not your fault)

Have you ever found yourself saying “sorry” just to keep the peace, even when you know deep down you’ve done nothing wrong? 

I used to do this, thinking I was being diplomatic. But over time, I realized that these needless apologies were making me seem insecure and unsure of myself. 

Standing your ground doesn’t mean being confrontational; it’s about asserting your self-worth with grace.

8) Changing your opinions to match his

This one’s a biggie! Have you ever caught yourself nodding along to your partner’s views, even when you disagree? 

I’ve been there, and it was a slippery slope into losing parts of who I was. 

Remember, ladies, it’s okay to have differing opinions. That’s what makes you, well, you! 

Changing your beliefs to match his can signal a lack of confidence in your own thoughts and values.

9) Allowing jealousy to rule your actions

Ah, jealousy—that green-eyed monster we all like to pretend doesn’t exist. But let’s face it, we’ve all felt those pangs at some point. 

The real problem starts when jealousy begins to dictate our actions. 

Whether it’s snooping through his phone or interrogating him about female friends, I’ve seen how jealousy can take a toll on a relationship. 

Recognizing and controlling this emotion is essential to appear secure and confident.

10) Being overly self-critical in front of him

You know those little quirks and imperfections that make you unique? 

While it’s natural to be aware of them, being overly self-critical, especially in front of your partner, can be a sign of insecurity. 

I used to nitpick my flaws aloud, and all it did was fuel my insecurities further. Embracing yourself, quirks and all, sends a strong message of self-assurance.

11) Fearing to spend time apart

Time apart in a relationship is healthy and allows personal growth. 

But have you ever felt a pang of fear at the thought of spending time away from him? 

I’ve experienced this, and it revealed a hidden insecurity about standing on my own two feet. 

Embracing independence and enjoying your own company can make you more self-assured and enhance your relationship.

12) Suppressing emotions to avoid conflict

Conflict is natural in any relationship, but do you find yourself suppressing your emotions to avoid it at all costs? 

I used to do this, thinking I was keeping the peace, but it only led to a buildup of unresolved feelings. 

Being open and honest about how you feel, even if it leads to disagreement, shows confidence in yourself and trust in your relationship.

How to maintain self-assurance in your relationship

relationship with emotionally immature man 12 things women do in relationships that make them look insecure

Maintaining your individuality and self-worth in a relationship isn’t just a trendy concept; it’s a vital part of healthy connection and personal growth. 

Here’s a look at some practical, relatable ways to stay grounded and confident, even when the relationship rollercoaster takes a wild turn.

Know your values and stick to them

Your core values are your compass. I’ve seen friends lose themselves by compromising on what’s important to them. 

Stick to your values, and you’ll never lose sight of who you are. 

A real-life example? My friend Emily once dated someone who was dismissive of her environmental activism. 

Instead of shying away, she proudly continued her volunteer work, maintaining her integrity and individuality.

Set boundaries and communicate them clearly

Boundaries are like invisible fences that protect our emotional wellbeing

When my sister was struggling in her relationship, she sat down with her partner and openly communicated her needs and boundaries. 

This honest conversation transformed their relationship and allowed her to feel secure and respected.

Celebrate your achievements, both big and small

Whether it’s a promotion at work or finally mastering that yoga pose, don’t shy away from celebrating yourself. 

A friend of mine makes it a point to share her daily wins with her partner, creating a culture of mutual respect and admiration.

Cultivate interests outside the relationship

Your relationship is just one part of your vibrant life. Pursue hobbies and interests that make your heart sing. 

My colleague Susan started taking painting classes after her divorce and found not only a new passion but a renewed sense of self-confidence that she carried into her next relationship.

Seek support from friends and family

Never underestimate the power of your support network. 

When I was feeling lost in my relationship, my best friend’s perspective helped me see things clearly and regain my confidence. 

Friends and family can provide a loving mirror that reflects your strength and worth.

Practice self-compassion

This one’s a bit personal. During a low point in my relationship, I realized that I was my harshest critic. 

Learning to treat myself with the same kindness I’d offer a friend made a world of difference. Self-compassion is a daily practice that fortifies your inner resilience.

Regularly spend time alone

Embrace solitude. Whether it’s reading a book, meditating, or simply enjoying a cup of coffee by yourself, spending time alone helps you reconnect with yourself. 

I’ve found this practice to be grounding and empowering.

Why self-assurance is important in relationships

Self-assurance is often seen as an attractive quality, but its importance runs much deeper, especially for women. 

In a world where women’s voices and opinions are often overshadowed or undervalued, standing firm in our beliefs and knowing our worth becomes a powerful declaration of self-respect.

From personal experience, I’ve realized that self-assurance in a relationship is not about ego or arrogance. 

It’s about understanding oneself, honoring one’s values, and never losing sight of the individual spark that makes us unique. 

It’s about not only being a partner but also being a whole person with dreams, opinions, and perspectives that are valid and valuable.

I’ve seen friends blossom in relationships where they felt free to be themselves, confident and unapologetic. 

I’ve also witnessed the opposite, where a lack of self-assurance led to the dimming of their vibrant personalities, their voices fading into the background.

For us women, self-assurance is a crucial tool in navigating the complexities of love and life. It allows us to forge meaningful connections without losing ourselves in the process. 

It becomes our anchor, enabling us to stand strong amidst the challenges, to speak our minds without fear, and to pursue our passions without restraint.

In the end, self-assurance isn’t just a relationship skill; it’s a celebration of who we are as women. 

It’s the joyful embrace of our individuality, the courageous assertion of our worth, and the beautiful realization that we are enough, just as we are. 

By nurturing this inner strength, we not only enrich our relationships but also empower ourselves to thrive in all aspects of life. 

It’s a journey worth taking, a path worth exploring, and a love worth celebrating.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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