11 things resilient people never do in tough times (and why you shouldn’t either)

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us, and we all react differently when faced with adversity.

Although emotional pain is a universal and inescapable part of the human experience, it’s remarkable how some individuals bounce back from setbacks faster than others.

This ability to bounce back, called resilience, may seem like a superpower, but in reality, it’s a skill that can be developed by steering clear of certain negative behaviors.

Resilient individuals have a secret weapon: they understand the mindset to avoid during tough times.

If you’re looking to boost your own resilience, keep reading as we explore 11 things that strong people never do when the going gets tough – and why you should follow their lead:

1) They Don’t Dwell On Negative Energy

Resilient folks understand that getting angry, moody, or wallowing in negativity won’t make a challenging situation any better.

They choose to sidestep the storm of negative energy and focus on the bright side, counting their blessings and expressing gratitude for the good things in their lives.

One way they keep negativity at bay is by steering clear of those who only bring pessimism to the table.

They know that moods and thoughts can be contagious, so they’re careful about the company they keep.

Instead, resilient individuals surround themselves with a tribe of supportive, loving people who believe in them and appreciate them just as they are.

2) They Don’t Let Tragedies Mark Them for Life

We’ve all faced our share of heartache, be it from an illness, a breakup, a job loss, the passing of a loved one, or other challenges.

Life is full of ups and downs, but resilient individuals don’t stay stuck in the past, wondering what they could have done differently.

They allow themselves to grieve, and then they bravely march forward.

These highly-resilient folks understand that tough times don’t last forever.

They have goals and dreams that help them rise above their pain and transform into stronger, more capable individuals.

They see change as an essential part of life and are prepared to navigate the inevitable waves of sadness and discomfort that come their way.

Resilient people are like bamboo in a storm – they may bend under pressure, but they never break.

3) They Don’t Limit Themselves to One Solution

We don’t always see everything we want to because certain circumstances prevent us from looking at other perspectives.

But this doesn’t prevent highly-resilient people from trying their best to fully understand the situation – instead of only hearing one side of the story, they look at the problem from different angles and try to think outside the box.

Resilient people know that having a personal bias means having preconceived notions and prejudices about anything or anyone.

They try to empower themselves by widening their view of the world.

They’re also willing to wait for more information before resorting to quick-fix solutions just for the sake of ending the problem immediately.

4) They Don’t Obsess Over Things Out of Their Control

Resilient individuals understand that obsessing over things beyond their control is a pointless exercise.

They know that dwelling on someone else’s choices only drains their time and energy, resources that could be better spent on fulfilling pursuits like passion projects or making memories with loved ones.

They recognize that attempting to control how others act, respond, or feel is not only unproductive but also unsustainable.

It’s essential to remember that everyone has their own autonomy, so the best approach is to lead by example with good habits rather than trying to dictate others’ actions.

I once thought that if everyone followed my plan to a T, everything would go smoothly.

However, I soon realized that people will be true to themselves, and I can’t always change their minds to align with my preferences.

Instead of stressing over the uncontrollable, I now take a deep breath, let go, and focus on making positive changes where I can.

5) They Don’t Envy Other People’s Success

It’s natural for people to feel a twinge of envy when they witness others achieving success – be it buying a dream home or landing the perfect job.

But resilient individuals recognize that giving in to such negativity can derail their focus and undermine their own aspirations.

Instead of succumbing to envy, they remind themselves that success is a personal journey and looks different for everyone.

By concentrating on their own unique goals, they can maintain a healthy perspective and keep moving forward.

Resilient people understand that jealousy won’t bring any benefits.

So, they choose to celebrate the accomplishments of friends and coworkers, offering genuine congratulations and basking in their happiness.

6) They Don’t Live In Denial

No matter how hard it is, emotionally resilient people accept their reality instead of pretending what they want things to be.

It’s in our nature to avoid pain so we develop different defense mechanisms that allow us to keep away from difficult emotions – and one of the most powerful ones we often use is denial.

When people experience waves of dread and anxiety, they try to tell themselves that nothing’s going on – allowing them to continue their lives like everything is fine.

For example, the potential pain of finding out that their partner is cheating on them is too much for some people, so they don’t address the issue at all.

But for resilient people, denial only makes them feel better for a while.

They know that it only makes them even more fragile, so the pain is even greater when reality catches up.

What they do is face reality head-on because it allows them to grow and be emotionally stronger.

7) They Don’t Resist Changes

For most people, changes are scary, dangerous, and uncomfortable – but resilient people see change as an opportunity.

They know that change is inevitable whether they like it or not, so they see it as an exciting chance and opportunity for growth.

But this doesn’t mean that they always pretend that everything is good.

They acknowledge that change can be hard and scary, but they still look for the bright side of things.

For example, moving to a new city can be their chance to discover new hobbies and interests.

For them, looking for opportunities in the face of change and adversity isn’t simply a mantra – it’s a vital psychological skill that can motivate them and get them through most things.

8) They Don’t Shut Other People Out

It’s easy to push people away and refuse their help when you feel down, but remember that it’s easy to fall into a downward spiral of negativity if you’re alone.

Highly-resilient people understand that the support of others can get them to different places in life, so they always make time to establish and strengthen social contact.

Most of them do this by going for a run or walking in the park to unwind.

Even talking to a friend over coffee can be all the support you need, so don’t push people away especially if they love and care for you.

Some people also help the less fortunate through donations and charity.

They know that there are lots of healthy distractions they can try while socializing with others.

9) They Don’t Forcefully Control Their Emotions

Forcefully controlling your emotions is never a good thing because our feelings are meant to be felt.

Some people think that pumping the brakes on their anger or anxiety is a sign of emotional maturity, but that’s not how emotions work – people can’t directly influence their emotions by pushing the motivation button or turning up the happiness dial.

Highly-resilient people know that the best they can do is control the way they behave and think about certain things.

For example, reminding yourself that mistakes are normal allows you to look at the problem more closely and fix it the right way.

You shift your attention from the mistake itself to what you can do to make it better.

Resilient people don’t treat their difficult emotions as puzzles that need to be solved – it only teaches their minds to be afraid of their own feelings.

Instead, they let themselves feel their emotions first and then look at the problem from another angle.

10) They Don’t Live to Please Others

No matter how hard we try, it’s impossible to please everybody. Getting caught up in the need to keep everyone happy is emotionally and mentally draining – which is why highly-resilient people don’t live for the pleasure of others.

They know when to say no when needed, even if they’re about to disappoint someone.

Setting boundaries for themselves is one of the best things that emotionally resilient people can do because it enhances their mental strength.

They know that upsetting someone they always accommodate can be healthy for everyone involved – they don’t have to worry about their boundaries being crossed and the other person may start being more independent.

11) They Don’t Give Up Immediately

Failed attempts and unfortunate events can easily break a person’s spirit and cause them to give up.

But it’s crucial to remember that even the most successful people in history only got there because of a series of mistakes and failed trials.

Highly-resilient people know that failure shouldn’t stand in their way, so they persevere until the end.

Instead of taking the easy way out, they stay on the course and focus on their goals to keep moving forward.

They have a clear vision of their dreams so they draw action plans and accomplish mini-goals that contribute to their progress.

They never give up easily because they see setbacks as minor inconveniences – not a sign to stop what they’re doing for good.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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