10 things most men do in relationships that women secretly hate

“What’s her problem?”

How many times have you as a guy wondered this when your girlfriend or wife is upset and you can’t figure out why. 

“Why doesn’t he get what the problem is?”

How many times have you as a woman wondered this when your boyfriend or husband can’t see what pissed you off or made you sad when it’s so super obvious to you?

To clear this confusion up, I’ve put together this article of the most annoying and hurtful behaviors that women dislike in their male partners.

Gaining more understanding of this will help men have better relationships and help women explain to their guys what it is that’s rubbing them the wrong way. 

1) Downplay or ignore their partner’s feelings

Some men may dismiss or downplay their partner’s emotional needs even without meaning to do so. 

Relationship psychologists refer to this as emotional neglect, and it’s quite common especially in relationships which have entered a rut or become taken for granted. 

Emotional neglect usually leaves women feeling unheard or invalidated.

As Ali Umar, MA, AMFT explains:

“Emotional neglect in a relationship or marriage is when a partner or spouse consistently fails to notice, attend to, and respond in a timely manner to a partner or spouse’s feelings. 

“Emotional neglect is not something that happens, but something that fails to happen.”

2) Not listen when she talks

A close companion to emotional neglect is just not listening. 

This is something guys are well known for and has even become a kind of stereotype about relationships. 

Many stereotypes have a grain of truth in them, and this is no different. 

When guys fail to listen, women feel demoted and neglected in a hurtful way. 

They feel hesitant about the connection they have with the guy, even though the woman may be hesitant to voice these concerns for fear of starting a fight.

3) Egotism and self-centered behavior 

Constantly talking about oneself or prioritizing personal needs and desires without considering their partner’s feelings can be off-putting.

Guys who do this often don’t realize they are doing it, or already grew up with it becoming an ingrained habit. 

They now don’t realize that they’re using the relationship as essentially an emotional, sexual and psychological support system without actually putting much into it. 

Women definitely notice this kind of behavior, though, and it makes them very disappointed and annoyed. 

4) Fail to communicate or open up 

Communication is key in any relationship, and women often feel frustrated if their partners shut down.

Men have a habit of pushing down what they feel when they’re not OK, or, alternately, of venting their problems in a way that is a form of projection and taking them out on their partner. 

When a guy is not open or transparent about their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, it makes his girlfriend or wife feel shut out of the relationship and ignored. 

She feels a lack of intimacy and tends to become more withdrawn and insecure in her own behavior as a result, often eventually leading to a breakup. 

There is such a thing as oversharing as a man, but most men fall on the other side of the spectrum in terms of closing down too much and hiding how they feel too often. 

5) Letting her do all the chores and menial tasks

Women tend to feel quite resentful if they perceive their partners as not contributing equally to household chores and responsibilities.

This is not only an issue for couples that live together, either. 

It can happen in non-cohabitative relationships as well where a man expects his girlfriend to do all the organizing and small cleanups when they are together. 

He doesn’t plan much and doesn’t take the lead, expecting her to handle whatever issues come up. 

This brings up the next issue: 

6) Indecisiveness and waffling 

signs youre in a toxic relationship 10 things most men do in relationships that women secretly hate

Indecisiveness or inability to make decisions can be frustrating for women, especially when it comes to making plans or resolving conflicts.

As health and life coach Courtney Brame puts it:

“The most unattractive thing you can be as a man is indecisive.”

He’s not wrong. 

From small things to larger issues, men who can’t make up their minds or who defer to women end up becoming a huge frustration. 

Even the most dominant woman tends to have a part of herself that really prefers a guy to have his shit together. 

This also ties into the next point: 

7) Having insufficient motivation 

Women may secretly wish their partners would take more initiative in planning dates, initiating conversations, or addressing relationship issues.

A man who doesn’t have much motivation in life can eventually come across as quite unattractive.

It’s more than just the indecisiveness mentioned in the previous point:

This can also come down to a guy’s lack of career ambition, playing the victim or general trend of going with the flow and waiting for things to work out. 

Being easy-going in a relationship? Absolutely. Being passive? Never a winner and never a good sign. 

8) Be overly jealous and possessive

Women may dislike it when their partners display possessive behaviors, such as constantly checking in, monitoring their whereabouts, or expressing jealousy without reason.

“You might call it by another name, perhaps insecurity or control. However you disguise it, it is very unattractive. 

“Jealousy tends to make everything about us – we are feeling some kind of way because of another’s behavior,” notes business chaplain Lindy Suchik

Being too jealous can be a definite dealbreaker and end the relationship rapidly, although when there’s a lot of attraction and interest people will tolerate quite a bit in terms of bad behavior in the relationship. 

9) Being physically and emotionally distant

Women may secretly dislike it when their partners are not affectionate or fail to express love and appreciation regularly.

This aspect of emotional distance is similar to emotional neglect, but goes even farther when it becomes an active choice. 

When a guy ignores his girlfriend or wife because of being angry at her or having an unresolved issue it tends to get worse and worse. 

It can build up into a serious problem. 

“It’s not healthy to allow emotional distancing to fester in the relationship,” points out Lori Jean Glass

“You want to be aware of what emotional distancing is and what causes it, and try to detect the reasons behind you becoming emotionally distant.” 

This leads directly to the last point: 

10) Letting fights go unaddressed and unresolved

When fights or disagreements go unresolved in the relationship it leads to a lot of festering resentment in the relationship. 

Women tend to find emotional issues and unreconciled problems in the relationship extremely dissatisfying and it becomes doubly so when the guy won’t address them. 

Sometimes he may just not even realize a fight or disagreement is still on her mind, but secretly she feels like screaming:

“Don’t you get it!?” 

From hate to love 

If you’re a man falling into some of these behaviors or a woman dealing with them in your partner, know that there is hope. 

It can be a slow road to improvement, but with two-way communication and mutual effort you can build bridges to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship

The key to moving hate to love is to address the rough patches through consistent communication and not giving up at the bumps in the road. 

As therapist Alexa von Oertzen LMFT notes

“Whether you have a misunderstanding or an actual offense committed by either of you, there is no resolution without purposeful conversation. 

“Going to sleep without offering some solution, ignoring your partner’s pleas, or creating a continuous pattern of withdrawing behavior, will raise the level of resentment in your partner and compound the problem.”

Paul Brian

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

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