7 things genuinely self-confident people never worry about, according to psychology

Recently, I witnessed something remarkable at my mother’s preschool. 

A young child, faced with a challenging task (they were learning to cook), simply said, “I can’t.” What struck me was that he wasn’t even trying; it was a mindset. 

With some help and encouragement from his teachers, he eventually got it and was delighted with himself. What would he have done without this encouragement?

He would have quit. 

This got me thinking deeply about the role of self-confidence in our lives. 

According to some sources, a staggering 85% of us grapple with self-confidence issues at some point in our lives. And most of us don’t have teachers or supporters who always push us through. 

The implications of this are far-reaching.

First of all, like the young boy I saw, it stops us from even trying to do things that we perceive as challenging. This can have very tangible effects on our lives.

For instance, it’s been noted that individuals with low self-confidence often earn significantly less than their more self-assured counterparts.

Adding to this, experts like those at WebMD have highlighted that low self-esteem can contribute to serious mental and physical health issues, such as depression and anorexia.

Yes, yes, I know self-confidence and self-esteem aren’t exactly the same, but they do overlap, each influencing the other.

Needless to say, we could all do with a bit more self-confidence. But what distinguishes the genuinely self-confident from the rest? 

Well, it’s not just about the actions they take but also about what they refrain from doing. Today, we delve into seven things that self-confident people simply don’t worry about. 

Shedding these concerns could be the first step towards fostering greater self-assurance in your own life.

Let’s get to it. 

1) Other people’s journeys

Have you ever caught yourself scrolling through your social media feed, envy creeping in as you compare your everyday routine to someone else’s vacation snaps or job promotion announcement? 

You’re not alone. 

This habit of comparing our lives to others is so common, but it can silently erode our self-esteem and cloud our judgment about our own worth.

What do genuinely self-confident do differently?

They consciously choose to disengage from this comparison game. Instead, they turn their gaze inward, focusing on their own growth and achievements, no matter how small they may seem in the grand scheme of things. 

This inward focus fosters a growth mindset, which is crucial for building resilience and true confidence.

In his bestseller 12 Rules for Life, psychologist Jordan Peterson champions the importance of this inward journey. He suggests that the real metric of success lies not in surpassing others but in surpassing our previous selves. 

By doing so, we cultivate a sense of accomplishment and self-worth that is not at the mercy of external validation.

If you find yourself comparing yourself, remember: your journey is unique, and your progress, no matter the pace, is a testament to your resilience and strength.

Embrace your path, celebrate your victories, and let your confidence be a reflection of your personal growth journey.

2) ​​Failure

Everyone fails. It’s an unavoidable part of the human experience, and almost anyone who has achieved noteworthy success has faced their share of setbacks and rebounded. 

Psychologist Perpetua Neo captures this sentiment well, explaining to INSIDER, “If you see people with success, you’re looking at their shiny front. We don’t see how many failures it took for them to be like that.”

Confident individuals, however, have a unique take on failure. 

They understand, as Dr. Allison McWilliams points out in a Psychology Today post, that “there is much more to learn from the times when we screw things up than when we are successful.” 

This isn’t to say they enjoy failing or seek it out, but they recognize the invaluable lessons and growth that often come from these challenging moments.

By embracing failure as a learning opportunity, confident people are less likely to be deterred by setbacks. They don’t view failure as a reflection of their self-worth or abilities but as a natural step in the process of achieving greatness. 

This perspective allows them to maintain their confidence, even in the face of adversity, and to approach new challenges with a sense of curiosity and determination.

3) Things they can’t control

you are respected at work 7 things genuinely self-confident people never worry about, according to psychology

One of my favorite quotes is by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus. He famously stated:

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control”. 

This mindset is crucial for fostering real confidence.

Therapist Jenny Maenpaa underscored its importance in a CNBC article. She advises that we focus on what we can control to avoid obsessing over the future. 

When we do this, when we recognize that certain aspects of life are beyond our influence, we can redirect our energy toward areas where we can make a tangible impact. 

This shift not only enhances our sense of agency but also reinforces our belief in our ability to navigate challenges, thereby nurturing a resilient and confident mindset.

4) Appearing ‘successful’

These days, it’s so so easy to fall into the trap of equating flashy displays of wealth with genuine success and confidence. 

Yet, this constant parade of luxury screams more of insecurity than of true self-assurance

Research backs this up. In one study, researchers noted, “People scoring high on the materialism scales were found to be less self-confident and to rely on the opinions of others. “

Truly confident people don’t rely on extravagant displays to assert their confidence. Their sense of self isn’t tethered to the latest gadgets, the flashiest cars, or the thickness of their wallet. 

It’s not that they shun luxury or don’t enjoy the finer things in life, though. The distinction lies in their motivations.

For them, an expensive piece of technology or a high-end vehicle is not a badge of honor to wave in the face of onlookers but a personal indulgence born from a genuine passion or appreciation for the craftsmanship and experience it provides.

5) Everything being perfect

Striving for perfection can be a bit of a double-edged sword. 

On the one hand, it drives us to improve and achieve high standards, but on the flip side, it can set us up for unrealistic expectations and disappointment. 

Often, such perfectionism is driven by social pressure to succeed. Psychologists might call this  “socially prescribed perfectionism.”  

Dr. Elizabeth Scott, an emotional well-being expert, warns us of the dangers of this in a Very Well Mind post, noting that it often leads to poor self-confidence and anxiety.

Furthermore, as research has shown, perfectionism is closely linked with procrastination

The fear of not being able to achieve something flawlessly can lead to a paralysis of sorts, where the fear of starting (and thus, not achieving perfection) outweighs the act of doing itself. 

This cycle can be incredibly detrimental to one’s self-esteem and overall productivity, as the pressure to be perfect hampers the ability to take action and make progress.

How do we avoid this?

Well, it’s not easy, but it starts with understanding that the quest for absolute perfection is a mirage.

Instead of being bogged down by the impossibility of flawless execution, we need to embrace our imperfections as integral parts of our identity. 

6) Past mistakes 

if you want to grow as a person say goodbye to these behaviors 7 things genuinely self-confident people never worry about, according to psychology

When it comes to dealing with the past, confident people don’t dwell on it. Instead of ruminating over what has been, they focus their energy and attention on the present and the path forward. 

This ability to move on is not about forgetting or ignoring past events; it’s about consciously choosing not to let these events dictate their current state of mind. 

But why is this approach so crucial for maintaining confidence? 

Healthline sheds some light on this by noting that rumination often “involves self-blame, hopelessness, and negative self-esteem” – harldly qualities found in confident individuals. 

Basically, when people get caught in the loop of overthinking past actions or events, they’re more likely to berate themselves for past mistakes, feel stuck in hopeless situations, and suffer from a diminished sense of self-worth.

Confident people understand that the past, with its successes and failures, is a repository of lessons, not a space to get lost in.

They acknowledge their previous experiences but don’t allow these experiences to foster a negative internal dialogue. 

This mindset allows them to maintain a positive self-image and ensures that their confidence remains intact, unshaken by the setbacks of yesterday.

7) Uncertainty and change 

In today’s fast-paced world, the rate at which change is happening is unprecedented. 

The traditional telephone, introduced in 1878, took a staggering 75 years to connect 100 million users. The World Wide Web reached the same milestone in just seven years. ChatGPT hit that number in merely two months

If this doesn’t exemplify the accelerating rate of change in our lives, I don’t know what does. It’s no surprise, then, that many of us worry about the future and its uncertainty. 

However, self-confident individuals stand out by embracing uncertainty and change, not as daunting challenges but as avenues for personal development and growth

They recognize that while change can be unpredictable and, at times, unsettling, it also brings a wealth of opportunities to learn, adapt, and evolve.

This proactive stance towards change fosters resilience, encourages innovation, and strengthens their sense of self-assurance.

The bottom line 

That just about wraps it from me today, folks. 

We could all do with being a bit more confident. And it’s all about mindset. 

Reframing these common worries might just be the start you need. 

As always, I hope you found this post valuable. 

Until next time. 

Picture of Mal James

Mal James

Mal James Originally from Ireland, Mal is a content writer, entrepreneur, and teacher with a passion for self-development, productivity, relationships, and business. As an avid reader, Mal delves into a diverse range of genres, expanding his knowledge and honing his writing skills to empower readers to embark on their own transformative journeys. In his downtime, Mal can be found on the golf course or exploring the beautiful landscapes and diverse culture of Vietnam, where he is now based.

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