Lots of people want to come across as classy and elegant to others. They change how they dress, straighten up their posture, and alter their accent all in a bid to be a little more refined.
The thing is: being classy goes way beyond what you sound like and how you dress.
Sure those things play a small part but what most people don’t seem to realize is what you discuss publicly says a lot about you. And sometimes, when it comes to elegance, what you don’t say is more important than what you do say.
Today we’re exploring 7 things genuinely classy people never talk about in public. Whether you want to appear more classy yourself or you simply want to know a fraud when you see one, take note of these things.
Ready? Let’s get started.
1) Private family matters
You’ll never hear a classy person talk openly in public about private family matters because they know it’s totally inappropriate.
It doesn’t matter what’s going on within the family or who is involved, a classy person will respect the privacy of their family members above all else. They recognize that although they may be comfortable talking about things, others involved may not be.
I saw this in action recently when I listened to Game of Thrones actress Maisie Williams open up about her tough childhood on The Diary Of A CEO podcast. She shared how her family went through some pretty hard stuff but, she kept a lot of the details private to protect her siblings.
She openly addressed it by saying that she didn’t think it was fair to comment on and represent the experiences of her brothers, sisters, and wider family when they weren’t there to tell their side. Hearing this I instantly admired her class and respect for their privacy.
When you see someone sharing details about private family matters, you just know they lack class so if you want to avoid falling into the same category, keep private family matters, private.
2) Money
When it comes to what they’re willing to discuss in public, money is an off-limits topic for classy folks. They just don’t go there.
Don’t get me wrong, money is not a dirty topic. These days experts encourage us to talk about money with our nearest and dearest to reduce stress in our relationships, minimize our chances of being underpaid at our jobs, and allow us to be more educated on money-related topics.
Classy people are on board with this, they’re happy to discuss finances with their partner and maybe some close friends. But they know there’s no upside to having those conversations with every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Think about it: it’s pretty hard to come across well when money is the topic of conversation. If you share how much you earn and how much wealth you’ve accumulated, it sounds like you’re bragging which definitely rubs people up the wrong way.
On the other hand, if you’re talking about your income and your struggles to make ends meet, then it sounds like you’re playing the ‘poor me’ card and expecting people to feel sorry for you.
Classy people know that talking about money in public doesn’t do anyone any favors so the best thing to do is steer clear of it altogether.
3) Rumours and idle gossip
There’s nothing classy about gossiping about other people, right?
When people gossip about others, it’s like they get a kick out of the drama that’s happening in someone else’s life. Instead of being kind, caring, and compassionate, they’re being mean, vindictive, and seriously lacking empathy.
Let’s be honest, it’s not a good look on anyone.
That being said: it’s not always easy to resist the temptation to gossip when everyone else is doing it. It’s natural to want to join in when everyone’s trading juicy stories, it’s about wanting to fit in and feel acceptance from the group.
No matter how tempting it is, sophisticated folks don’t give in. You’ll never hear a truly classy guy or girl gossiping about others publicly, they simply won’t do it.
4) Intimate details between lovers
When you hear someone sharing intimate details about their late-night escapades do the words “classy” and “elegant” spring to mind? Probably not.
Some people are more out there than others when it comes to sharing intimate details. There’s nothing wrong with being open about these things but it’s not something that classy individuals typically do, they’re just not into kiss-and-tell.
We’ve already talked about how important privacy is to sophisticated folks and discussing intimate details that were shared between lovers behind closed doors is the ultimate betrayal and completely out of the question for them.
If you know someone who has a strict policy to never kiss and tell, chances are they’re probably a genuinely classy guy or girl.
5) Relationship issues
Every couple experiences issues that they’ve got to work through at some point or another. And having someone to talk to outside of your relationship is super important, like a close friend.
But some people like to share their relationship problems with anyone who’ll listen, including posting things on social media for the world to see. You’ll never see a classy person open up about their relationship issues, publicly, it’s just not in their nature.
Classy folks also know that sharing details of your relationship with the world shows a lack of respect for your partner and could paint them in a bad light, unfairly.
They know that conflict resolution and good communication are key pillars for a healthy relationship and choose to speak to their partner first and only confide in close friends that they can trust for advice and reassurance.
6) Work grievances
We all know how it feels to be stressed out at work, right? It can be tempting to vent about your boss and your company when you’re feeling overworked and underpaid. But you won’t hear any classy guys or girls publicly blowing off steam about work issues.
No matter what’s happening at work, classy people will always maintain a professional demeanor, only confiding about work grievances to people they trust.
The truth is: keeping quiet about work issues isn’t just for the classy, it’s wise for everyone to avoid speaking negatively about their boss or company, especially in job interviews.
As outlined by communication coach, Ashira Prossack “Under no circumstances should you ever speak badly of or complain about your previous job, employer, manager or colleagues during a job interview.”
Let’s all learn from the refined crowd and steer clear of speaking ill about our bosses or workplace, it’s a no-go for everyone.
7) Their opinions about how others live their lives
My friend Claudia is one of the classiest people I know. She’s always poised and composed no matter what situation she’s in and I really admire her for it.
One thing I’ve noticed about Claudia is that she never publicly shares her opinions on how other people live. No matter who or what is being discussed she always keeps things positive and respectful without casting judgment.
Passing judgment on others is human nature. We can’t stop it even if we try. “It is impossible to meet someone and make zero internal judgments about them” confirms Marwa Azab Ph.D., professor of psychology and human development at California State University, Long Beach.
I’m not suggesting Claudia and other classy people like her don’t judge others but they certainly don’t feel the need to express that judgment. It’s like they know everyone is just doing their best, and they choose to keep their opinions to themselves, respecting everyone’s journey.
Final thoughts
Think back to the last few months, how many of these things have you shared publicly?
At the end of the day, there’s no right and wrong here. We’ve all got a choice to make about how much information we share with the world.
But one thing’s for sure, if you notice that someone doesn’t typically share any of the things we’ve discussed today, it’s very likely that they’re genuinely classy.
