Relationships are complicated. But I probably don’t have to tell you that – we’ve all been through our own ups and downs and we all know just how difficult romance can get.
However, while some difficulties are nothing but obstacles to overcome together, there are certain things a strong woman will never tolerate in a relationship; things that are an immediate dealbreaker.
Here are 8 of them.
1) Disrespectful language
You might think that name-calling your partner isn’t that big a deal, especially if you’re really angry or drunk.
After all, you don’t really mean it, right?
Wrong. The truth is that it doesn’t matter whether you mean it or not – disrespectful language is a complete and utter no-no in any romantic relationship.
“Come on, I was just angry/drunk.”
So?
Oftentimes, it is precisely when we’re raging or have had too much to drink that our true character comes out. And trust me when I say that a strong woman won’t tolerate being called names or spoken to disrespectfully. She knows she deserves better than that.
Psychology backs this up – Cortney Warren, PhD, says that “blaming, name-calling, disrespectful dialogue, or contempt are all signs of toxic communication.”
She further explains: “Toxic patterns of interaction can have negative psychological consequences for those in the relationship.”
Your words can heal as well as hurt. Make sure you choose the first.
2) Lack of appreciation
Sometimes, it isn’t words that wound us most – it is their lack.
If a woman pours all her love and effort into a relationship, if she tries her best to be an amazing girlfriend just to be met with nothing, one thing is certain: she will soon begin to feel resentful.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the beginning of the end.
Strong women weren’t born to cater to everyone’s needs just because they’re nice. Their purpose isn’t to look after their partners first and themselves second.
Their love is not to be taken for granted.
Appreciation and gratitude are vital aspects of every relationship. In fact, psychologists say that they make relationships stronger and more resilient.
A simple “Thank you” can go a long way. And if a strong woman never hears it no matter how hard she tries, she will soon realize her worth is not being recognized.
3) Emotional neglect
Being taken for granted is but one aspect of a much bigger issue: neglect.
It sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it? You’d expect neglect to be connected to parent-child relationships rather than romance, but the truth of the matter is that it is absolutely possible to neglect one’s partner, too.
Emotional neglect occurs when you don’t actively try to connect with your partner, make them happy, and spend quality time with them.
In other words, it happens when you’re in the relationship because it’s easy rather than because it’s what you genuinely want.
According to Jonice Webb, PhD, here are the three ways to recognize neglect:
- The neglected partner feels insecure about how much you love them
- You often feel numb when your partner tries to connect with you
- Your partner’s expressions of love sometimes make you feel baffled or even repelled
Of course, emotional neglect is incredibly difficult for both parties.
The person who’s numb to their partner’s feelings very likely struggles with some crucial issues while the person who’s being rejected feels alone, betrayed, and confused.
If a strong woman is in the shoes of the neglected party, she will bring up the issue, try to solve it, and give her partner a few chances to see improvement.
But if nothing happens…
She knows her love will be celebrated elsewhere.
4) Refusing to fix the relationship’s issues
….or promising to do so and consistently failing due to a lack of genuine effort.
Have your pick.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my past relationships, it’s that it doesn’t really matter whether there are issues that need fixing – what matters is how you and your partner approach them.
What matters is whether they truly do get fixed. Whether there’s some actual progress.
Sadly, it’s quite common for people to promise they will change so that the relationship can flourish only to give up after two weeks.
Soon, you find yourself in a cycle of waiting for change, realizing it’s not going to come, bringing up the same problem again, and waiting once more.
But eventually, every woman gets tired of waiting. Eventually, she realizes she has been running in circles, and the only way to end the pattern is to leave.
There are only so many chances she can give.
Don’t waste them.
5) Obsessive jealousy
“Research shows that jealousy is often fueled by insecurity, not love for a partner,” writes Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D. “Jealousy can be a major relationship problem—a survey of marital therapists reported that romantic jealousy was a serious problem for a third of their clients.”
As you can see, jealousy is quite a common issue. That doesn’t make it okay, though. And a strong woman knows that.
I say this as someone who’s witnessed first-hand just how bad obsessive jealousy can get – it does not show love in any way. It isn’t self-love, either. More than anything, it has to do with insecurity, possessiveness, and a fragile ego.
Don’t get me wrong, a little bit of jealousy here and there can have a positive impact on the relationship because it reminds us just how valuable our partners are and how much we don’t want to lose them.
But once it gets out of hand, it slowly poisons the relationship. And it can be really difficult to come back from that.
A strong woman expects her partner to trust her to remain loyal. If they constantly doubt her, restrict her freedom, and disrespect her privacy…
It’s a thank you, next.
6) Manipulation
A woman with a strong sense of self and high emotional intelligence can recognize when she’s being manipulated.
And she won’t stand for it. Full stop.
From gaslighting to guilt-tripping, projecting, or good old lying, she will call you out and tell you that this isn’t going to work on her.
For many women, it’s an immediate deal-breaker, and for a good reason. Manipulation shows that you disrespect the other person on a fundamental level. It shows your automatic go-to mode isn’t authenticity and honesty but rather pretense and self-interest.
And those are incredibly weak grounds to base a healthy relationship on. In fact, it’s practically impossible.
7) Zero communication skills
Before you come at me, yes, communication is a skill that can be taught. It’s never too late.
What’s more, many couples learn to communicate together as their relationship progresses and as they learn how one another’s mind works in more depth.
But does a woman want to educate another adult on how to communicate their feelings and constantly explain that they really need to stop saying nothing’s wrong when they’re clearly upset?
That’s completely up to her.
Some women don’t mind dating someone who needs to work on their communication as long as they genuinely try; others expect their significant other to have this skill mastered.
What a strong woman definitely won’t tolerate, however, is a person who has zero communication skills and doesn’t put in any effort to make an actual change.
Passive-aggressive remarks, the silent treatment, bottling issues deep inside, running away from conflict, you name it – these are all signs that the person in question still has a lot to learn.
And it’s understandable if a woman no longer wants to be the one who has to constantly teach, navigate, and manage another person’s progress in emotional maturity.
8) Unfulfilled needs
One of my past relationships ended because my needs were unfulfilled. My ex-partner did not manipulate me, he always used respectful language, he communicated well, and he was rarely jealous.
We worked well on paper.
But we were simply not a match. We spoke completely different love languages and had different requirements for a successful romantic relationship, and no matter how much we tried, we couldn’t fulfill one another’s needs on a fundamental level.
Sometimes, it isn’t the huge things like manipulation, abuse, or neglect that lead to a breakup. Sometimes, it all comes down to different personalities, goals, and needs.
Once a strong woman realizes she is dating someone who can never genuinely fulfill her due to this clash, she eventually accepts that it is not meant to be.
And that’s okay.
Because once we let go of something that doesn’t serve us, we are making space for something better to fill the space.
