“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” – George Sand
Being in love is like drinking a chemical mix for your brain and body, among them dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine. Scientifically speaking, the brain of someone in love looks the same as that of a brain of someone on cocaine.
Love is a magical feeling but it’s not just about finding the right person. It is about creating the right relationship. During the early days of a relationship, everything is wonderful and you still think your partner can do no wrong. This period is called the “honeymoon stage” which is characterized by intense feelings of attraction and idealization of one’s partner.
However, romantic love is an arousing but stressful experience according to an article. Perhaps it is because we become acclimated to our partner as time goes by and the “honeymoon stage” is over.
Although the intensity you feel may diminish, couples can still sustain the relationship with the following secrets:
I. Respect your partner
According to the Gottman Institute, contempt is the most destructive negative behavior in relationships. Respect cannot exist when there is contempt.
“If Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the most important sign that a marriage is in trouble.”
One way to show respect is to confide in your partner. There’s no need to share every single detail about your day but if there’s an important thing on your mind, bring it out into the open.
It doesn’t matter if your partner doesn’t have the same interest as yours. When you respect and appreciate your partner through words and actions, he or she will feel loved.
II. When you fight, fight fair
Fighting is normal in any relationship but fighting repeatedly over the same issues puts a strain on your relationship. It doesn’t get you anywhere and will lead in unhappiness.
Ty using “I” statements to describe how your partner’s actions or words made you feel. An example is “I felt hurt when you did that.” Rather than putting your partner on the defensive, using the “I” statements will be more productive.
Never say insulting words and be very specific about the problem that you’re having with your partner. Because it is easier to solve a specific problem rather than a vague one. For example, if you get upset that your partner didn’t take out the garbage, don’t accuse your partner of never helping around the house.
Additionally, be calm when you’re fighting. Your partner will more likely listen to what you’re saying and take you seriously if you remain calm rather than when you’re yelling.
“Be clear about your intentions.”
III. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Open communication and honesty is important to develop a healthy relationship. Because telepathy is still fiction, you need to communicate in order for your partner to know how you’re feeling. Give the information they need and don’t expect them to know the unknowable.
Don’t try to read your partner’s minds and don’t make your partner read yours.
IV. Listen to each other
According to the Gift of Life Institute, there’s a difference between active listening and passive hearing. Active listening includes responses showing that you understand what the other person is trying to say. It also involves several steps beyond just physically taking in someone’s words.
For example, you stop whatever you’re doing, like watching the TV, when your partner talks to you. Look at your partner and really pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues like facial expressions and body language.
If you want to help your partner feel understood, avoid interrupting, judging, and criticizing.
V. Be loyal.
Being loyal doesn’t mean being inseparable. It means being true and faithful to each other even when they are separated. When it comes to creating a happy and loving relationship, faithfulness is never an option but a priority.
VI. Be truthful
When you are honest with your partner, you have inner peace because you know haven’t lied, used or taken advantage of him or her. Lies run sprints – it is very short-lived. But, the truth runs marathons where fulfillment, integrity, and dedication is found.
VII. Spend quality time with each other
In our very busy world, we sometimes forget to spend time with the people who matter.
Make time for each other, relax and enjoy quality time with each other. Do not let your busy schedules get in the way of creating a happy relationship.
When it comes to human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection. Sadly, it is possible for couples to live in one roof yet feel miles apart. So never ignore someone you love because lack of concern hurts more than an angry word.
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To avoid your partner feeling left out, create a special time for just the two of you once a week. You can do something fun or romantic. Go on dates just like when it was still the early days of your relationship. Most of all, make each other laugh because couples who laugh together, stay longer.
VIII. Appreciate each other and help each other grow
Appreciating one another is important. It makes your relationship happy, contented, productive, fulfilling, and peaceful. So be happy when they’re happy. Be your partner’s greatest cheerleader and fan. Whenever they’re making great progress, be there to congratulate them. When they feel down, be there to lift them up. Be thankful for their blessings and celebrate their accomplishments, openly.
IX. Love and respect yourself
Our love for one another stems from our self-love. Indeed, our first and last love is self-love.
As much as the world tells you that you need someone to complete you, do not rely on your significant other for your happiness and self-worth. Only you are responsible for your happiness because love is an extension of how you love yourself.
Given the commandments above, it’s time to take the happiness of your relationship seriously. Because partners who have found the key to success in a relationship are like a good wine — it gets sweeter over time.
Now that you’ve read about the 9 commandments of love for a happy relationship, check out our recent article on “situationships” — the new kind of relationship where you’re not really in a relationship.