Once upon a time, you tried to be outgoing and gregarious and fun. That didn’t go so well. It only left you feeling a bit pathetic—as if you’re a total fake.
Good thing you realized that it’s pointless to try to change yourself. You stopped “fixing” your introvertedness and embraced it fully instead, as you should.
To find out if you’re now a truly a self-actualized introvert, check out if you exhibit these traits.
1) Being alone never makes you feel lonely
Some people feel unloved and lonely when they’re alone. They’d then plunge themselves to the deep end as they wonder why no one wants to be with them.
Welp, not you! You truly enjoy your own company. And you’d really rather be alone than to be with someone you don’t enjoy being around with anyways.
2) You don’t have any fear of missing out
You scroll through Instagram and you see your friends partying on a Friday night. Your inner voice would NOT say “I wish I went”. Instead, it would say “oh thank god you didn’t go!”
You’d really rather snuggle in bed with your cat and a good book. And you’d do it again next Friday.
3) You talk to yourself—aloud
You talk to yourself while you’re cooking, washing clothes, and even while you’re out doing some errands. Yep, even when there are other people around.
When you were younger, you only talked to yourself when you’re 100% sure you’re alone. You don’t want people to think you’re crazy.
But now, you really don’t give a damn anymore. If someone hears you talking to yourself and they find you weird, so what?
4) You talk to your pets and plants as if they can really understand you
You’ve created a unique world of your own, and in this world, things can talk. You’re Alice in Wonderland.
You don’t try to stop yourself anymore because… WHY?!
Besides, a part of you believes they can really understand you.
5) You don’t get self-conscious if you eat alone
You know those cafeteria scenes in movies where kids get scared to sit alone? Yeah, you don’t get it. Or you used to feel that way but you’re now so over that.
You enjoy going to restaurants alone. You like to savor your food while you observe people around you.
6) You’re not shy to excuse yourself when you want to leave
You do respect yourself enough to leave something or someone that doesn’t interest you anymore. Of course, you’ve mastered how to do this so people don’t get offended.
You know the right moment to exit and the right things to say. It’s a life skill that you find truly useful.
7) You’re confident you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of
Part of the reason people feel compelled to get very close to others is fear.
We fear that our life would suck and so we have to nurture our relationships with other people in case we need them someday.
You hate this kind of transactional approach in relationships. You removed the fear of the future to remove this need to cling to people.
If you can relate to this but you feel that you still need to be a bit more badass when it comes to how you see yourself and your life, then you gotta listen to the shaman Rudá Iandê.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of so you can be your authentic self, and it’s easier than you might think.
8) You’re not sorry if you don’t reply to messages fast
So what if they sent you 50 messages in an hour? You have a life and it’s not your duty to answer messages the moment you receive them!
You don’t even say “sorry for the late reply” or any of that. For you, they’re the ones that need to respect the fact that you’re not available 24/7.
9) You respect people’s privacy and expect them to respect yours
As an introvert, you know the importance of privacy more than the regular guy. It’s sacred and therefore should be respected.
They have something they don’t want to share with you? You don’t get offended!
They prefer to stay in their room instead of chatting with you? No problem!
10) You have no problem setting boundaries
Setting boundaries used to be difficult while you’re still growing up. But now, it’s easy as pie.
And once you say “No” to something, you don’t change your mind even if they kiss your feet. You respect people’s boundaries and you expect them to respect yours.
11) You don’t pity yourself when you stay home on weekends
Why do some people think you’re a loser when you’re just at home all weekend?
You really don’t get this because it’s actually NECESSARY to stay home in your PJs after socializing all week at work.
You order pizza, play some good music, and enjoy your precious me-time.
12) You don’t say YES to an invitation unless you really want to go
You’ve learned long ago that saying Yes just to be nice could lead you to trouble. They’d hate you if you say no later on, of course. So you have no choice but to go and be miserable.
So now, you’ve learned to not commit too fast. You give yourself a day or two and say yes only if you want to, which is what everyone should do.
13) You don’t feel guilty for doing things to save your sanity
When you’re around people who are noisy—say you’re sitting quietly in a restaurant then all of a sudden a group of noisy people sit near you–you ask the waiter if you can move to another table.
You want to protect yourself from anything that can affect your mood, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
14) You don’t say something just to fill the silence
You don’t understand why people have to talk just to feel comfortable. Silence is perfectly okay!
You’d rather save your energy when it’s absolutely necessary for you to talk.
But of course you’re not rude. You answer when someone makes small talk, but you don’t engage because again, WHY?!
15) You don’t replay conversations in your head anymore
You’re awkward and you know it.
However, you don’t torture yourself by trying to replay your cringe-inducing interactions with people anymore.
Besides, you have plenty of them already so that they don’t haunt you anymore. You laugh when you remember them but you don’t beat yourself up and try to change your ways anymore.
16) You “feel” for other introverts who are still struggling to fit in
You can easily spot an introvert even if they’re pretending to be the most extrovert person in the room.
And because you know how tough it can be when you’re trying too hard to fit in and be liked, you show them it’s perfectly ok to be an introvert.
You encourage them to feel at home and make them feel it’s perfectly fine to not be too social.
17) You go for quality over quantity—always
You prefer to have fewer intimate friendships than a hundred acquaintances. You prefer to have one quality night out a month than several so-so ones.
For you, less is definitely more when it comes to friendship and most things in life.
18) You’re looking for the one who you can share comfortable silence with
You’re not too crazy to find someone who you can banter with all day long, although that’s nice because that means you’re compatible.
But what you really want is someone who you can enjoy silence with. You want to live your life without the pressure to share and interact all the time. You simply can’t be with someone who feels unloved if you don’t talk.
19) You don’t feel the need to explain why you are the way you are
If you don’t want to hang out, you tell them you can’t. You save yourself the time to compose a long explanation of your decision to decline an invite. You do not owe them anything.
And if they’re really close friends, you give them your usual explanation “I want to recharge”, which is probably the truth anyway.
For everyone else, you’re done with feeling guilty for saying no.
20) You’re proud that you honor who you truly are
You know you’re an unapologetic introvert if you’re happy and proud of being one.
You know who you are and you want everyone to know that you respect what makes you happy…and that they should do the same, too.
Anyone who says you’re “antisocial”, “killjoy”, or “selfish” when you honor your introverted self are people you avoid like the plague.
You love yourself and the people in your life love you enough to respect your introvertedness.
21) You never feel bad about turning down invitations
Remember that time when you felt so guilty about declining your friend’s invitation to her party? You don’t feel that way anymore. No, you aren’t an awful person for not going. It’s just that you’d rather have your “me time” than socializing with a bunch of people you barely know.
People invite you because they want you to come. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, too. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
22) You love deep and meaningful conversations
Chit chat, gossip, small talk—they all exhaust you. You’d rather not talk at all than waste your time talking about things that don’t matter.
You are not a fan of shallow talks. Instead, you seek deep conversations about life, dreams, and ideas. You enjoy listening to other people’s stories and telling yours.
23) You know when to recharge and take a break
When you feel that socializing has started to take a toll on you, you don’t ignore it. You listen to your body and mind. You understand that you need to take a break and recharge.
You aren’t ashamed to tell your friends that you’re tired. You aren’t embarrassed to say you’re done for the day. You know when to stop, and you do stop.
24) You don’t mind doing things alone
Going to the movies, shopping, or even traveling alone doesn’t bother you at all. In fact, you find it liberating to do things on your own. You love the freedom to do things at your own pace.
You don’t feel uncomfortable or self-conscious when you do things alone. If anything, you feel empowered and independent. You’re not afraid to enjoy your own company.
25) You’ve stopped trying to explain your introversion to everyone
You realize that the people who matter will understand, and those who don’t understand, well, they don’t really matter. You’ve learned to live unapologetically, honoring your true self, without any need for justification.
Being born an introvert is not easy.
Even the most well-meaning folks like our teachers and family would push us to become more social…as if being an introvert is a personality flaw. That’s rubbish!
I’m glad you’re finally standing up for who you are and showing the world that it’s totally fine to embrace who you are.