The psychology of attraction: 12 factors that make even average people irresistible

If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re not exactly a 10, are you?

Actually, you’re more of a 6…

So, how are you supposed to seduce that special someone? How can you get them to see past your “average” looks?

It turns out that there’s more to attraction than just physical appearance. In fact, there is quite a bit of psychology involved!

Read on to find out the 12 factors that will make you irresistible (even if you are average).

1) Self-confidence

The first thing I have to mention is just how important self-confidence is when it comes to attraction.

Even if you’re not a 10, if you carry yourself in a way that exudes confidence – people will be drawn to you.

If you believe you’re attractive you will in fact become a lot more attractive – even irresistible – to some people.

The opposite is also true.

If you’re super attractive and you have no confidence, a lot of people won’t notice just how beautiful or handsome you are.

I can tell you from first-hand experience that when someone has a lot of self-confidence, there’s just something so powerful and alluring about them that captivates you and draws you to them – and this has nothing to do with their objective looks.

All in all, it’s an energy that they give off, a way they carry themselves that makes them irresistible.

2) Optimism

Did you know that optimism can be infectious?

It’s true!

But of course, so can pessimism, and let me tell you something, there’s nothing less attractive than pessimism.

Even if someone is a 10, if they’re constantly complaining about their lives and talking about everything negative they can think of – if they’re unable to utter anything positive or optimistic – then that takes them down a few numbers.  

I mean, how can you be attracted to someone who radiates so much negativity that you feel down in their presence?

Well, anyway, what I’m trying to say is that when someone is optimistic about life, when they have that “joie de vivre”, people are naturally attracted to them. They want to be around them because it makes them feel good!

So, if you’re wondering how to become irresistible, you’re going to want to avoid the pessimistic talk and adopt a more positive outlook on life.

Something that could help you is to start practicing gratitude.

Here’s how to do it: At the end of each day, make a mental note (or write it down in your journal) of something you’re grateful for that day. Even if there’s so much bad stuff going on, there must be something – no matter how small – that’s good.

By practicing gratitude, you’ll slowly change the way you perceive the world around you and you’ll become a more positive and optimistic person.

How does that sound good?

3) Sense of humor

You’re probably asking yourself, “How are jokes sexy?”

Well, it’s not the jokes per se that are sexy, but having a sense of humor is definitely considered to be attractive by many people, especially women.

Let me explain why:

  • For starters, it can help people connect because it breaks barriers and makes them feel more comfortable around each other. And without all that tension and awkwardness, chances are you’ll be a lot more approachable and likable.
  • Laughter is contagious and releases endorphins – feel-good hormones – that create a positive emotional connection between two people. In other words, make them laugh and you’re halfway to being irresistible.
  • A good sense of humor shows intelligence because it requires quick wit and being able to think on your feet. And yes, that can be super sexy!

4) Sense of adventure

the psychology of attraction 1 The psychology of attraction: 12 factors that make even average people irresistible

An adventure is exciting, different, and daring!

It’s not routine, it’s not every day, it’s not safe. It makes you feel truly alive.

So, if you’re up for new experiences and aren’t closed off to taking a few risks, you’ll become so much more attractive and exciting to the opposite sex.

Plus, there’s the obvious connection between having a sense of adventure and being adventurous in the bedroom!

5) Eye contact

Have you ever felt captivated by someone’s gaze?

Well, I have, and let me tell you, it’s some powerful stuff!

It goes beyond eye contact, it’s like they’re looking into your soul, it’s like they’re saying, “You’re mine!”

I don’t know if it’s a skill or a gift you’re born with, but a powerful and confident gaze can do wonders when it comes to attraction.

Why not give it a go?

6) Flirtatious attitude

It’s a combination of being subtle, confident, and staying cool.

To get flirting just right, you don’t want to be too obvious or to over-do-it because coming on too strong can have the opposite effect of what you want.

You wanna keep the other person guessing “Do they like me?”, “Are they flirting or just being nice?”

Trust me, this kind of playful and flirtatious attitude will not only make you irresistible, but will have your crush eating from the palm of your hand.

And the fact that you’re average? They won’t even notice!

7) Authenticity

It all goes back to what I mentioned earlier about self-confidence. That’s because people who have self-confidence are not afraid to be themselves.

They’re authentic. They don’t pretend to be someone they’re not just to impress someone and they certainly don’t try to change for anyone.

And do you know what?

There’s something very attractive about that whole, “Take me as I am” attitude.

8) Kindness

the psychology of attraction 2 The psychology of attraction: 12 factors that make even average people irresistible

People tend to overlook kindness, but it can be a very important factor when it comes to the psychology of attraction.

I’m sure we’ve all come across someone extremely attractive who as soon as they started speaking went from hot to not! Being unkind, sexist, racist, classist, etc., are a big turn-off for most people.

The opposite is also true.

Goodness and kindness are attractive. You may not find someone irresistible when you first meet them, but upon getting to know them and seeing their kind nature, you start to see them in a new light.

Before you know it, you may find yourself falling for someone you never would have guessed in a million years you’d go for.

The bottom line? If you want to increase your chances of being hot and irresistible, try being kind and compassionate.

9) Intelligence

Yes, being attracted to intelligence is actually a thing!

In fact, there are so many people that find intelligence sexy that there’s a term for it, “sapiosexual”, sapio being the Latin word for wise.

For sapiosexuals, intelligence is often more important than physical appearance. They’re attracted to people who are intellectually stimulating, have a passion for learning, and possess a certain depth.

They’re usually drawn to people who are well-read, curious, open-minded, have expertise in certain subjects, and who can engage in stimulating conversations.

All in all, being hot and dumb just doesn’t cut it for everyone.

10) Emotional intelligence

But it’s not all about being smart and well-read. There’s a lot to be said about emotional intelligence when it comes to the psychology of attraction.

So, what exactly is emotional intelligence?

It’s the ability to identify, understand, and manage your emotions, as well as the emotions of other people!

People with high emotional intelligence are self-aware and highly empathetic.

The truth is that we’re attracted to people who are willing to take the time to listen to us. Who understand us and know just the right thing to say when we need it most.

What’s more, it’s a definite plus that they’re so self-aware and able to keep their sh** together in difficult situations.

11) Passion

Just think about that art history professor talk about Michaelangelo’s David… Is there anything more attractive than passion?

Passion is a powerful emotion that can be quite contagious!

Whether or not their passion aligns with your own interests doesn’t matter all that much, what matters is seeing someone so enthusiastic and committed to something. They’re so full of energy and life when they talk about their passion that it’s hard not to be captivated by them.

Passionate people are driven, curious, and have a zest for life, which can make them irresistible!

12) Ambition

A lot of people are attracted to ambitious individuals.

It makes sense if you think about it: Would you rather go out with a conventionally attractive yet unemployed, couch-potato or someone average-looking shooting for the stars?

The goals and aspirations of ambitious people, as well as their perseverance often make them irresistible because they‘re inspiring and motivating to others!

So, what are your goals? What drives and inspires you? What do you want to do with your life?

Your answer could mean all the difference between you being average and irresistible!

Picture of Jelena Dincic

Jelena Dincic

Jelena has a background in photography and film-making and has spent the last few years as a content editor and copywriter. Jelena is a citizen of the world who is passionate about travel and learning about new cultures. She’s a foodie who loves to cook. And, as an art lover, she is always experimenting with new art mediums. When she’s not at her computer, she’s usually out and about in some forest with her dogs.

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