We don’t choose who we fall in love with.
Often, our soulmate ends up being someone we never envisioned, such as someone much younger than us.
Thankfully, modern dating is much more open-minded than it used to be.
While there are still societal expectations of who we should and shouldn’t date, it’s no longer uncommon to come across ‘non-typical’ couples.
But can it really work if your partner is significantly younger than you?
While there are some cons to dating such a young person, this relationship dynamic can be pretty special. Let’s discuss the benefits and pitfalls of dating someone 10 years younger than you.
Benefits
Let’s start by looking at the pros of dating someone considerably younger…
They may have the zest for life you’re lacking
When you reflect on your younger years, do you see a time of excitement and enthusiasm?
I sure do.
As we age, the “weight of the world” starts to get to us, and we may develop a pessimistic attitude.
So dating someone ten years younger can keep you mentally and spiritually young.
Your younger partner will likely inject fun and excitement into the relationship with their fresh perspective and positive outlook on life.
Plus, a youthful spirit is contagious, so dating a younger person can lead to the following benefit…
They can introduce you to new things
Each generation has a unique culture, so dating someone from a younger generation will introduce you to a whole new world.
As you see your younger partner trying new things and keeping up with the latest trends, you will likely feel inspired to do the same.
Plus, younger generations have a knack for swiftly learning new technology. So when you date someone younger than you, you’ll never feel left behind or “past it.”
Thanks to them, you’ll stay in touch with the ever-changing modern world and remain conscious of current events, which could lead to the following…
You become more open-minded and adaptable
Research shows that as we age, we become less open-minded and more set in our ways – you’ve probably noticed this trait in older relatives.
At a certain age, we become less spontaneous, seeking routine and familiarity. Once we get used to this, we develop an aversion to change.
So when new opportunities arise, we’re less likely to take them.
I’ve noticed that I am no longer as courageous as I used to be. While in my twenties, I would take risks and push myself outside of my comfort zone, it is now a lot harder.
I believe this is because the more life experience we gain, the more we worry about things.
However, when you’re young, you lack life experience. So, you are less likely to overthink things or hold yourself back due to fear.
Therefore, one of the benefits of dating someone ten years younger than you is that they can help you get back in touch with that open-minded, fearless attitude.
They can even be a role model.
How?
Seeing them effortlessly handle and embrace change can prevent you from developing fixed beliefs and routines and, instead, keep your mind open.
They can inspire personal growth
Learning about the changing world and maintaining an open mind are fundamental to self-development.
And here’s the thing…
While we may finish our formal education at age 18 or 21, we continue learning and developing.
With each passing year, we (hopefully) evolve into a better version of ourselves.
But the older we get, the more likely we are to choose comfort over growth, resulting in stagnation rather than evolution.
Having a younger partner can keep us focused on our personal growth.
Their youthful spirit can be a much-needed reminder that we still have much of our lives ahead of us.
They can inspire us not to waste the time we have left but to use it to achieve our biggest dreams and desires.
Pitfalls
While there are some fantastic benefits to choosing a younger partner, you should also consider these pitfalls before jumping into the relationship…
They could be immature
While maturity is not solely based on age, you will likely have more life experiences than your partner.
Life experiences are a vital contributor to our maturity levels, which is why many young people can seem immature to older generations.
However, this may not be the case for you and your partner.
Let’s say your partner has picked up many life experiences at a young age. They have traveled the world, spent time with different cultures, and had many jobs.
On the other hand, let’s say you’ve lived a very sheltered, quiet life. You’ve always stayed in your home country, worked the same job, and followed the same daily routine.
In this case, your younger partner will likely be just as mature as you, perhaps even more, based on their amount of life experience.
Interestingly, according to a Nickelodeon UK study, men fully mature around age 43, while women mature 11 years earlier at age 32.
Considering this, immaturity is more likely to be a pitfall in relationships where the man is younger.
But an older man dating a woman ten years younger could be a good match for maturity levels.
They might not be financially stable
For most of us, we acquire wealth as we get older.
I, for one, did not think about money when I was in my early twenties. And I certainly wasn’t concerned about saving. The money I did have, I would spend on travel and experiences.
However, I started thinking about the importance of making and saving money much more once I reached my late twenties. As a result, you might always pay for dates, groceries, vacations, etc.
So, if building wealth is important to you, know that your younger partner may not feel the same way.
Along with having a different perspective on money, they may not be financially stable. As a result, you might end up always paying for dates, groceries, vacations, etc.
This can put significant strain on the relationship. You may feel like your partner is not pulling their weight and contributing financially to the relationship, leading to resentment.
This problem comes down to the following pitfall.
You are probably at different life stages
The difference in perspectives around money is just one example of the contrasting beliefs you can encounter with a younger partner.
This is because you are at different life stages.
Your younger partner may prioritize freedom, travel, adventure, or career building.
On the other hand, you may prioritize family, money, or having a home base.
Another possible issue you may come up against is your views on children.
As the older partner, you might be ready to start a family. But your younger partner will likely want to wait a while before starting a family.
In this situation, they could feel pressured into having a child before they are ready. Or you might feel like you will lose out on your chance to be a parent.
But of course, like maturity, this is only sometimes the case. So, have an open and honest discussion with your potential partner to see if their goals align with yours.
You may have different sex drives
Our sexual desire changes throughout the years. But how it changes depends on our gender.
Studies show that many women experience a drop in sexual desire in their late 40s and early 50s. But a woman’s sex drive peaks in their 30s and early 40s.
However, a man’s sex drive peaks in their 20s. They then often maintain a fairly high sex drive until their 60s and 70s but can experience problems with sexual function from their 40s onwards.
So what does this mean in terms of a 10-year age gap?
Well, it depends.
A 35-year-old woman would actually have a similar sex drive to a 25-year-old man.
But there may be a problem if the man is the older partner. Let’s take the example of a 50-year-old man and a 40-year-old woman.
The woman is still at her sexual peak, but while the man may have plenty of sexual desire, he could struggle with function, i.e., erectile dysfunction.
You might have to deal with social stigma
Finally, consider that there is still some social stigma around dating someone younger than you.
While you shouldn’t care about the opinions of others, you may encounter spiteful comments, disapproving looks, or raised eyebrows.
Honestly, you shouldn’t let this stop you from pursuing the relationship, but it’s just something to be aware of.
Final thoughts
Every couple is different. So, there is no definite answer to whether your relationship with someone ten years younger will work.
To decide whether to give it a go or not, ask yourself this – do the potential benefits outweigh the possible pitfalls?
