The 7 key habits of couples who stay together even when times are tough

Have you wondered how some couples just seem to have the whole relationship thing all figured out?

According to Jim Antonsen, couples who don’t get sick of each other typically have three major traits in common: they forgive quickly, they’re unselfish, and they fight fairly. For those who do not know him, he is a professional matchmaker and Co-owner of LuvBiz Chicago who aims to help clients find love with a personality test and 3 compatible matches per week.

Furthermore, couples who keep the spark alive have certain habits that prevent boredom even if they have been together for a long time. According to Science Daily, the so-called “seven-year itch” can kill a relationship. The study shows that greater boredom in year seven predicted significantly less satisfaction at year 16.

“These findings show directly, for the first time, that not only conflicts but also simple boredom with the relationship can shape relationships over the long term,” said Terri Orbuch, the lead researcher.

The same research suggests that in order to prevent boredom, the couples should participate together in exciting activities. In turn, the closeness will lead to greater satisfaction, partner responsiveness, commitment and trust.

“It suggests that excitement in relationships facilitates or makes salient closeness, which in turn promotes satisfaction in the long term,”

Apart from boredom, unhealthy fighting can kill a relationship. According to Gottman Institute, contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce. In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail:

“When contempt begins to overwhelm your relationship you tend to forget entirely your partner’s positive qualities, at least while you’re feeling upset. You can’t remember a single positive quality or act. This immediate decay of admiration is an important reason why contempt ought to be banned from marital interactions.”

That’s why Antonsen said that learning to forgive quickly is important for a successful relationship. It is safe to say that couples who don’t get sick of each other know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way.

“Holding on to anger can not only make your partner feel uneasy, but it’s unhealthy for you as well,” Antonsen says. “Forgiveness is essential in any healthy relationship and frankly will make your own life easier to live.”

However, these aren’t the only habits that happy couples have. Here are other common habits couples who don’t get sick of each other practice, according to science:

1. They respect each other’s boundaries

“Boundaries are a key component for couples who don’t get sick of each other,” Dr. Megan Stubbs said. She combines two of her favorite things, science and sex, into a cohesive platform to impact her audience.

According to her, happy couples are able to tell their partner when they need alone time, and they know what pushes their partner’s buttons so they’ll try to stay away from it.

“If everyone knows the ground rules, it’s easier to play within the lines and minimize some of the pitfalls that come from not addressing boundaries,” she says.

2. They laugh together

A research shows that couples who laugh together, stays together.

“It’s not about being a great comedian, but finding what’s funny in the everyday and enjoying it together, whether that’s ‘The Simpsons’ or repeating funny things your kids say or The New Yorker cartoons or relishing in the absurdity of life. It is most important you do it together,” says lead researcher Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas.

However, Hall warns couples not to make each other the butt of a joke in order to get laughs. This is called aggressive sense of humor and it is considered a bad sign for the relationship in general.

In conclusion, if you meet someone who you can laugh with, there is a high possibility that your future relationship is going to be fun.

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3. They have the same sleeping habits

According to SleepZoo’s Christ Brantner, couples stop going to bed together about three years or so into the relationship. This is backed by a study which states that 75% of couples go to bed at different times at least four times a week. With that being said, heavy workloads, long office hours and hectic social lives are killing off couples’ traditional nighttime routine. Not only that, the couples who had different sleeping habits experienced problems in their relationships.

That’s why Brenda Knowles said that couples who go to bed at the same time are more likely to stick together for a long time.

“There is something very comforting about falling asleep with someone by your side,” she says. “If we go to sleep to an empty bed or wake up to one, we feel a pang of loneliness.”

4. They learn new things together

Dr. Jill Murray, licensed psychotherapist, said that couples who do new things together prevents boredom from killing their relationship.

“Whether it’s learning a new sport (Pickle Ball anyone?) or taking a cooking class, learning something new as a team refreshes a relationship in a fun and educational way.” -Dr. Jill Murray

5. The have exciting sex

Couples therapist Wendi Dumbroff, MA, LPC said that couples who don’t get sick of each other have exciting sex and makes an effort to maintain the excitement.

“It’s important to talk about your needs and desires, and listen to your partner’s as well.It doesn’t necessarily mean everything each of you might be interested in will happen, but being able to have honesty around your sexual desires is sure to create closeness and maybe a few fireworks here and there.”

6. Happy couples are interdependent

According to Atlanta Therapist Buckhead, when partners pursue personal growth and enjoyment, they’re less dependent on each other to meet all of their needs. And when they don’t make each other their entire world, they are more successful in their relationship.

 “They work together and function well in their relationships, and they’re also content with who they are individually and how they’re making progress in their own lives,” Hallmark says. “When they come together, it’s easier to find happiness in the relationship since they aren’t disgruntled that their partner doesn’t meet all of their needs.” – Mikela Hallmark, MS, LPC,

7. They make time for each other

Sometimes, life really makes us busy. But happy couples know how to prioritize their relationships over life’s responsibilities.

“However, if you don’t remember to make time (sans kids, job responsibilities, and family) you could forget about how things were when there were less responsibilities.” – Stef Safran, Dating Expert

Couples who don’t get sick of each other exert effort to be with each other and don’t just make time when they can.

If you and your partner are committed to make each other happy, then there’s no reason why your relationship can’t be long-lasting and successful.

NOW READ: 8 seriously effective life hacks to get your life back together

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Written by Jude Paler

I am a poet with a positive outlook in life and a writer with a purpose in mind. I write to express my thoughts so that others will be inspired.

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