Sometimes after a breakup, you realize you still have feelings for your ex and want to be with them again.
When it comes to getting your ex back, there are a few things you can do that always seem to work.
However, if all of your methods seem to be failing, it might be time to try a different approach.
Here are 17 subtle ways to get your ex back that always seem to work.
1) Do some serious soul searching
The most difficult thing you will ever have to do after a breakup is to do some serious soul searching.
This is especially true if you were the one who ended the relationship.
However, if you really love your ex and want to get them back, it’s a good idea to spend some time reflecting on your relationship first.
Look deep inside yourself and find out why your relationship didn’t work.
Try to pinpoint the real reason why your relationship ended. Was it lack of communication, jealousy, and insecurity?
If you can just recognize the real problems and address them, you will be on your way to getting your ex back.
Are you willing to accept responsibility for the problems in your relationship?
Or, do you always blame your ex for breaking up with you?
Only you can answer those questions.
This will make it easier for you to win them back.
2) Be honest with yourself and apply a healthy dose of self-honesty
You’ve probably heard this many times before: honesty is the best policy.
But there’s a good reason for it.
Self-honesty is essential to getting your ex back.
Ask yourself this simple question: “What’s wrong with me?”
Do you need to change anything about yourself?
You will be surprised at what you’ll discover when you honestly address your self-defeating behaviors and attitudes.
- Are you a jealous person?
- Does your insecurity get in the way of your happiness?
- Do you have a tendency to hold grudges or be vengeful?
You can make all the lists you want, but at the end of the day, what matters is whether or not you are willing to change.
You will have to work hard on improving yourself, but if you really love your ex and want them back, then it will be worth it.
3) Give him/her space and time
This is a great tip for you if you want to get your ex back.
But we’ll explain something first:
You are NOT obligated to go after them or beg them to come back. You do NOT have to prove your love and devotion to them like they want you to do.
Simply give him/her space and be there when they need you.
The hardest thing about getting an ex back is convincing them to get back together.
The reason is that the previous relationship has left a lot of emotional baggage in their mind.
They might have a hard time accepting that you still want to be with them.
You will have to give them some space and time, and let them realize that you’re serious about being with each other again.
Sadly, this might not happen quickly, so be ready for it.
However, it must be done in a precise manner.
You don’t want to completely cut all ties with the other party.
You must communicate with your ex’s subconscious and give the illusion that you do not wish to talk with them at this time.
So what can you do in this situation? Send this “No Communication” text
— “You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.”
This one needs to be sent to your ex at the right time for it to be truly effective.
But why I like it is that you’re communicating with them that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need them to play any role in your life anymore.
Why is this so good?
You induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction for you again.
I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
4) Don’t be a hypocrite
One of the things that is common in most relationships is to convince yourself that your love for the other party is real and real.
Unfortunately, this isn’t always true.
You might think that you still love your ex, but are they really thinking the same thing when they look at you?
If not, don’t ask them to get back together.
Do NOT use a tactic like this to get your ex back. You MUST be honest with your feelings.
If you think that you still love your ex, don’t use the old tricks to try and get him/her back.
Be completely real with them and tell them how you feel. Be straightforward. Don’t play games or try to hide behind something just to cover it up later on.
Your ex will appreciate the honesty and realize that you really do want to be with them again.
Compromise is key in any relationship.
But it’s important to realize that if there’s something that you need to change, you have to be willing to do it first.
No one can make changes for you.
5) Confront them about their past mistakes
This is a big one.
Because they will never be able to change and the relationship will never be restored if you don’t address the mistakes that have been made in the past.
Don’t try to cover up the mistakes that you made in your relationship.
You have to be honest with them and address everything that you did wrong in the relationship.
Be completely frank with them, and tell them how bad the two of you were together. Don’t leave anything out.
Most people who break up with someone say something along the lines of: “It’s for the best. You were becoming a really bad person and I want to still be with someone better than that.”
Well, chances are that they are probably not thinking that way.
They might have been tempted by a woman or had some impure thoughts, but they’re trying to redeem themselves in their eyes.
If you find out this is the case, then it’s time to confront them about it.
Tell them that having any kind of an attitude like this is offensive and unacceptable. It tells them that they still have a long way to go to improve themselves.
They might not want to admit it, but there’s something that you can do here.
Ask them what they’ve done wrong and they will open up if they are sincere with you.
If you go through all this trouble, it’s worth it when your ex comes crawling back to you.
6) Use the right words
People don’t always say what they mean, even if they think that they do.
And when you try to get back together with your ex, it’s easy to get tricked into saying something that you’ll regret later on.
If you want your ex to listen to what you’re saying, then don’t use words that might mislead them or cause more problems in the relationship.
Don’t be deceptive.
The truth will always set you free, but sometimes it can be insincere, which makes it even harder to get your ex to listen to what you’re saying. Be mindful of this, and use the words that will get your ex to listen to what you have to say.
For instance, if you want your ex back and you’re trying to avoid doing something that might get you in trouble, don’t use words like: “I just want us back.”
Sure, it might seem nice when it’s said in a good way, but what most people don’t realize is that this can be a red flag for your ex.
A lot of people think that it’s okay to just toss out a lame line like this and expect them to report back to you with your request.
Because what you’re doing is giving off mixed signals and your ex might not be able to realize what you mean when you say that you want them back.
Do NOT do this if you want your ex back.
7) Let her remember the good times
This might be a bit old school, but it works.
Though there is really no official way to get an ex back that everyone agrees on, there are techniques you can use to trigger their subconscious mind.
One of the best ways that I have found is to “trigger” her unconscious mind with thoughts of how much fun they used to have together.
Tell her about some of the good times you’ve shared with each other in the past.
This does two things.
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The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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First, it reminds them of the good memories you had together.
Second, it widens their vision of the future and makes them think about how great life could be if they got back together again.
If you want to get back together but this time in a happier, more committed relationship, it’s simple:
Rewrite the story of your relationship.
Show him that this time around things will be different. Change the way he sees you and allow him to picture a brand new relationship with you.
This is much more effective than trying to convince him that what you had before was worth going back to.
So if you want to give things another chance, but this time with a breath of fresh air and a healthier relationship outlook, don’t hesitate to check out James’ advice.
8) Improve your appearance.
This is a big one, especially if you haven’t been working out or taking care of yourself.
If you want to get your ex back, work on getting in shape and improving your appearance.
If you are overweight, there’s no reason at all to try to cover this up while you’re trying to get your ex back.
Be honest with yourself and get a proper diet, exercise plan and schedule.
It’s important that your appearance is above average when you go after them again.
If you want them back, you have to show that you are better looking than when they were with you.
They will be able to see the improvement in yourself and won’t want to be with someone who is half-way through their life.
If you are already in shape and good-looking, then all you have to do is the same. Be sure to stay in shape and look great.
Get a good haircut, trim your beard and upkeep your image in general.
If you have been working out regularly before the split, then continue to do that and keep a regular schedule.
You will feel more confident around the opposite sex and improve your looks as well. It’s a win-win.
9) Show your value
Listen, if you want to get back together with your ex again, you have to show them that they would be missing out if they didn’t take you back.
Don’t be a doormat. Don’t ask for her back or show her how much she’ll regret losing you.
Instead, tell her that she is better off being with you than anyone else.
This doesn’t mean that you are bragging about yourself or putting her down.
This means that you are showing her what you have to offer and why she should be with you.
You need to show that your ex doesn’t stand a chance without you, and what better way to do this than by telling her just how awesome you are?
10) Plan it out repeatedly.
After getting your ex back, the whole idea of keeping them is not going to be as easy as people think.
If you want to be sure that they are going to stay with you, you need to keep them interested.
This means planning multiple dates with them and keeping their interest by showing your love and commitment.
Give them reasons to be with you, not just a fling.
You want to plan as much as possible while in the relationship before deciding if she is the right one for you.
This is so that you can show her how much she will miss being with you and what it’s like to be with a great guy.
11) Let her know that you can be better for her.
You want your ex back, but maybe she’s not compatible with you in the long term?
Don’t let this keep you from getting back together. Instead, pick the right partner for yourself and work together to make it work.
If this means letting her go in a breakup, then that’s what it means. Don’t hold on to someone that you know will never be compatible with you.
At the same time, you want to make your ex feel comfortable and show her that it’s okay if she wants to get back together with you.
12) Take the spotlight off of yourself.
When you’re trying to get your ex back, don’t make it all about you. Sure, you want to get back together, but it’s more important that you spend time helping your ex feel better about herself too.
Don’t forget that the reason you broke up in the first place was because she didn’t like who she was becoming while in your relationship.
If you can help her improve her other relationships or make her feel generally better about herself, then she will be more willing to continue going out with you.
Show her how much she means to you by being nice, caring and thoughtful. Spend some time getting to know the real her and show her how great of a personality she has.
Don’t tell her how great you are if that isn’t true. Be yourself and be nice to her, but at the same time be selfless and take the spotlight off of yourself.
Don’t brag about how great you are and instead show her how great she makes you feel.
13) Keep your communication open
If you want to get your ex back, communication is important. It’s very important because if you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it has to be from the start.
I know that you want to tell her how much you miss her and how great she is, but be sure that you mean everything that you say.
Don’t pretend to be someone that you are not and show her how much she means to you.
Just be honest with yourself, your feelings and your words.
Make sure that she understands what you think about her and the way that the relationship has been progressing.
This means that you need to listen first and be patient before you jump in with your own opinion.
Be open with their feelings and reactions and don’t jump in to justify or fix what they are about to say.
The best way to keep communication open is to listen to them and just let them talk. This can be very difficult, but if you want to get your ex back, you have to be willing to put up with things that you don’t like so that you can learn from them.
14) Focus on yourself
If you have been with one person for a long time and you’re trying to get back with that same person, then that can be very difficult because you’re making it about them and not yourself.
Remember that when you’re trying to get your ex back, they are probably going to initially feel like they have a lot of pressure on them.
Don’t let this pressure get to you too much and try not to think about how badly you want a relationship with them.
Instead, focus on yourself and improve your life before looking for someone else.
Be sure to take chances and be reckless with your life if you want to meet new people and make new relationships.
Be a better person than you were while in the past relationship.
Be more confident in yourself and show her how amazing of a guy she has to choose from instead.
15) Look for the positives
When you’re trying to get your ex back, you need to look for the positive things that are going on in the relationship.
They are not going to hang around with you if they’re unhappy. You can’t expect to be in a relationship with someone just because you want them back.
You need to try your best to find the positives and be positive yourself while trying to get your ex back.
Don’t let yourself feel down and instead try to focus on all of the good things that will come from getting your ex back.
Instead, look at all of the great memories that you had together and let those memories remind you of why she is worth getting back with.
Make a list of the good things in your relationship and you should be able to find the positives that quickly.
Don’t focus on all of the negatives or anything that drives you crazy about your ex.
If you focus on the negative, then you’re going to make it about her and everyone else will resent you for it because they will feel like you’re forcing them to do things that they don’t want to do.
They might even tell you that they want nothing more to do with this relationship and that they just want out.
16) Be the person your ex fell in love with.
If you want to get your ex back, then you need to be the person that she fell in love with. This means that if you’ve changed since the breakup, you need to change back.
At the same time, if your self-esteem is low and you want her to feel more attracted to you, then you need to improve that about yourself.
Think about it:
This doesn’t mean that you have to do anything drastic and it doesn’t mean that you need to change too much.
Instead, just be more confident and focus on yourself.
Work on yourself by spending time going out with friends, reading motivational books and being a better person.
In the end, she will want to come back to you because she had the highest opinion of you when she was in love with you.
Be the person that she fell in love with and show her what a great relationship really feels like.
17) The past is the past
I know that you love your ex and you want to have a relationship with them, but when it comes to trying to get your ex back, don’t try to think about the past.
Instead, focus on the future. Don’t dwell on how bad she was and instead look forward to what she can become.
Here’s the point:
Don’t bring up negative memories of the past relationship too much or your ex will feel bad about themselves and they won’t want anything more to do with you.
Do the things you want to do and don’t let the past hold you back.
This means that instead of looking at your past relationship, focus on what you want to do so that you can feel good about yourself and show your ex how great of a guy they have to choose from.
You need to think about how amazing it will be if you can get your ex back and be in a healthy relationship.
Remember that you don’t need to be with someone just because you’re lonely. You can go out on your own and enjoy yourself by yourself.
Instead, think about how great it will be when you get your ex back and how much happier both of you will feel.
Just focus on being a better person right now, working hard, and improving yourself so that they will feel like a good fit for you again.
Give these tips a try and you should get your ex back.
If you want to go out on a date with them or when they’re going to come around to see you, then be persistent and wait for the right moment.
If you want your ex back because you really love them, then keep going and never give up!
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder