8 subtle signs you’re in a one-sided relationship

Being in a relationship should be fun.

You should be all loved up – staring into each other’s eyes, laughing together, spoiling each other, and getting spoiled in return!

Sure, every day won’t be sunshine and rainbows. But you should always feel like you’re in it together.

If that isn’t how you feel, the relationship might not be sunshine and rainbows at all. It might be one-sided.

Which is actually pretty common, especially in long-term relationships that have lost their way. But that doesn’t make it OK…

Naturally, the first step to changing things is to identify what’s really going on.

If you’re in a one-sided relationship, there will be signs. If you spot the following 8 in your relationship, it might be time to change things up a bit!

1) You ask all the questions on dates

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It’s awful being out with anyone and you’re the person asking all the questions – let alone your romantic partner! All the while they sit back and expect you to carry the conversation…

When your partner doesn’t take an interest in you or what you’re up to, they aren’t interested in you. They don’t find you interesting and they probably don’t care about you all that much.

That might sound harsh, but sadly it’s true.

What’s also true is that this is probably a one-sided relationship you’re in. Because if you’re the only one investing in them (by asking them questions), you care more about their life than they care about yours…

2) You open up more than they do

Opening up to someone is a difficult thing. When you do it, you show more of yourself. It’s vulnerable and something you only do when you trust the other person.

Talking about the deep stuff (like your emotions, problems, insecurities, goals, etc.) is important in a relationship. Experts say it helps us bond and form a more meaningful connection.

But when only one person is opening up, this isn’t a good thing. If you’re the only one doing it, this signals that you’re more invested in the relationship than they are. It also shows that you’re willing to open yourself up to hurt and they aren’t.

Sadly, it’s also a sign that they’ve still got one foot out of the door…

3) You book all the dates

This is probably one of the most obvious signs you’re in a one-sided relationship.

For me, I think it’s nice to spoil and be spoiled in a relationship. I.e., they spoil you sometimes and you spoil them right back!

Booking dates requires time and effort. When you do it for someone else, it shows you’re thinking about them and (in my opinion) that you care!

But if it’s only you who plans the dates, this might not be such a good thing. It could mean you’re in a one-sided relationship.

Especially if…

4) You have to ask them to book dates

This one is just as bad as the above.

If they aren’t booking the dates and you have to ask (or should I say, pester!) them to do it, they aren’t making an effort in the relationship.

In a past relationship, we agreed to go on at least one date a month and take turns to make the plans. Whenever it was his turn, I had to pester him to book it in.

He’d always leave it until the last minute or “forget” about it, asking if he could do it the next month instead. Even though he’d happily book plans for him and his friends every weekend…

If this sounds familiar, this isn’t a sign that someone is making an effort to spend time with you.

It also signals that your relationship is one-sided. I.e., you want to spend time with them more than they want to spend time with you.

5) You pay for everything

I know everyone has different views over who should pay for what in a relationship. I also know that some couples have specific arrangements for what happens with the finances.

If you are one of those people, skip ahead, as this probably doesn’t apply to you!

If not, and you pay for everything in the relationship, plus recognize many other signs on this list, keep reading. Because you might be in a one-sided relationship.

Money has the power to break apart even the strongest of relationships.

Most people don’t invest money into a cause they don’t believe in – and the same rules apply when it comes to a relationship.

If you’re always the one spending money on the other person, the relationship, your living environment, dates, and anything else – and they aren’t, this could be a bad sign.

It could signal that they aren’t financially investing in the relationship in the same way that you are. And this could be because they don’t see the relationship in the same way as you do…

6) You treat them and they don’t treat you

If your partner displays these 11 behaviors theyre becoming too dependent on you 1 8 subtle signs you’re in a one-sided relationship

A friend of mine used to pay for her boyfriend to get massages once a month. He was stressed at work and the massages were a little way she could treat him.

That all sounds lovely, but unfortunately, she didn’t get anything in return. He never treated her to anything – not dates, takeaways, or any gifts “just because”.

Of course, you don’t give to receive in a truly loving relationship. But there still needs to be a balance!

If all you’re doing is treating them, and they never treat you, this isn’t an equal partnership. One person is taking advantage of the other.

It might not be intentional or malicious. Unless, of course, you’ve brought it up with them and they still do it…

But either way, it means your relationship is more one-sided than you think.

7) You put the work in more than they do

Another sign your relationship is one-sided is if you put more work in than they do.

What do we mean by that? Well, say you have a conversation with them about the housework. You ask them to vacuum more, and they ask you to stop pestering them about it.

You do your bit and ease up on asking, but they don’t do theirs and actually vacuum more.

This happens with everything. You’re always the one suggesting new things to do, coming up with ways to better the relationship, improving your own behavior, changing your ways to help them, etc. etc.

But they don’t extend you the same courtesy. I.e., they aren’t putting the work in to make things work like you are.

Unfortunately, this is one of the most obvious signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship.

8) You don’t feel a strong connection to them

The final sign that you’re in a one-sided relationship comes down to how you feel about the other person.

They might be doing everything for you, and you still don’t feel that strongly about them.

Or, of course, they might not be doing anything for you (like all the things on this list!), and you don’t feel connected to them at all.

Either way, if you’re in a one-sided relationship, you won’t feel like you connect with your person on a deep, meaningful level.

You might have felt like you did once before, but that “spark” has been gone for a long time.

And all you seem to be left with now is a “comfortable” relationship that operates on familiarity, rather than deep, genuine love…

Final thoughts

When you’re in a one-sided relationship, things don’t just get better on their own. You have to talk about the issue and put the work in to change things.

Or call it quits…

Naturally, that might be what one person wants rather than the other, especially if you’re the one putting the work in and they aren’t!

As sad as it is, I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t stay in a relationship you’re unhappy in. And if you’re feeling like things are one-sided, the reality is you probably aren’t happy.

So if your partner (or you) aren’t committed to turning things around, the time may have come to close this chapter – and see what awaits you next…

Picture of Amy Reed

Amy Reed

Amy Reed is a content writer from London working with international brands. As an empath, she loves sharing her life insights to help others. When she’s not writing, she enjoys a simple life of reading, gardening, and making a fuss over her two cats.

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