8 subtle signs a woman loves you but secretly thinks she can do better

While it may seem harsh, it is surprisingly common for a woman to find herself torn between her feelings for her partner and a lingering belief that she could potentially find someone “better.”

What makes it even more complex is that a woman can think she can do better while genuinely loving you.

I know it doesn’t make sense, but we women are bewildering creatures.

So, how can you tell if your girlfriend feels like she’s won the jackpot or if she secretly thinks she’s out of your league?

While subtle, some signs suggest it’s the former!

1) She compares you (or your relationship) to others

This is the most apparent sign you might notice.

When a woman is truly happy and content with her relationship, she’s not bothered about how it looks to others, nor what other people’s relationships are like.

She doesn’t care what others think of her partner, as she is where she wants to be.

But if she harbors doubts about the relationship, such as whether she could do better, she will display social comparison tendencies

She will regularly compare your behaviors with those of her friends’ partners.

This manifests through subtle comments about other people’s relationships, such as:

  • Gifts her friends received from their partners
  • Dates or vacations other couples went on
  • Things another guy did for his girlfriend

When a woman does this, she implies that she sees qualities in others that she wishes you possessed. 

Often, women who compare their relationships with others also seek external validation by doing the following…

2) She excessively posts about you on social media

This is a very subtle sign because of the surface; it looks like a green flag.

But, according to a research study posted in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, it can be a cause for concern.

Researchers found that the more couple selfies someone posts, the more likely they feel insecure in their relationship. 

They concluded this by measuring the ‘relationship visibility’ of the control group couples.

They found that people who feel insecure in their relationships post many couple selfies on social media to seek reassurance or validation from friends, family, or even strangers.

Along with selfies, they are also likely to add captions boasting about all the wonderful things you do for them.

So, if your girlfriend plasters your relationship on social media, it could be a sign that she’s unsure of the relationship’s future. 

Perhaps she genuinely likes you but is still determining if you are the right fit for her. So, by posting excessively, she is trying to gauge what others think.

3) She doesn’t like discussing future plans

When a woman is truly invested in her relationship, she will envision and desire a future with her partner.

Thus, she is always willing to make plans well into the future.

However, if a woman seems hesitant or noncommittal when discussing plans together, it could be a sign that she’s not entirely convinced you’re the right long-term partner

If you mention an upcoming family event or mention the possibility of taking a vacation next year, she might reply vaguely or seem unwilling to discuss it.

For example, she’ll shut down the conversation by saying it’s too early to discuss it and to ask her nearer the time.

This shows that even though she genuinely likes you, she doubts settling down because she worries she would settle for less.

4) She sometimes seems emotionally distant

Does your girlfriend blow hot and cold? Is she sometimes affectionate but other times seems distant?

People can be temporarily emotionally distant for various reasons (that have nothing to do with the relationship). 

However, this behavior could be due to underlying doubts or fears about the relationship’s future.

In this case, she acts hot and cold because she is genuinely into you, but something is holding her back – she secretly thinks she is out of your league.

If this is the case, along with being distant, she will likely not put much effort into the relationship, which we’ll discuss next…

5) You’re always the one making an effort

signs your need for independence is getting in the way of having a fulfilling relationship 8 subtle signs a woman loves you but secretly thinks she can do better

In healthy relationships, both partners put in effort to nurture and sustain the connection. 

So, if you find that your partner constantly makes excuses or fails to prioritize the relationship, it could be a sign that she’s not fully invested. 

This lack of effort may stem from believing she could find someone who better meets her needs or desires.

It can also signify that she already feels like you’re not giving her what she wants, so her eyes might already be wandering.

If this is the case, you will likely notice the following sign, too…

6) She seems subtly flirtatious with other guys

One way women may cope with dissatisfaction in a relationship is by seeking validation from others

If your girlfriend thinks she can do better than you, she might test the waters by flirting and seeking attention from other guys to see how they respond.

Essentially, she is trying to determine if she has better options than you.

This is a hard one to spot because, at first, it may appear that she is just being friendly. But even though she is not directly flirting with others, you will likely feel uneasy.

Therefore, there is not enough evidence to raise your concerns, but staying quiet about it will lead you to develop insecurities of your own. 

If you sense that she is flirting with other guys, watch how her interactions differ between attractive and unattractive guys. 

If she acts in the same way with everyone, it could just be her personality. 

But if she changes her mannerisms and behavior whenever an attractive man is around, this is a real cause for concern.

Flirting with other guys in front of you shows she is unsure about her commitment to your relationship and is exploring other options.

7) She regularly makes little digs at you

There is a vast difference between constructive criticism and nitpicking.

If a woman truly loves you AND is secure in the relationship, she will feel confident enough to give you constructive criticism when needed.

For example, she might let you know that you mishandled a particular situation and explain how to handle it better next time.

She gives this criticism because she genuinely wants you to become a better person, not because she wants to attack you. Thus, she will do so in a kind and diplomatic way.


A woman constantly nitpicking or finding fault with you may indicate dissatisfaction. 

In this case, she will seem annoyed at almost everything you say or do and often express her frustration.

By being spiteful, she is expressing her disappointment with the relationship without directly addressing her underlying feelings.

According to a study conducted by PsychTests.com, people who nitpick often see themselves as better than the other person. So it is likely that she is doing it because she thinks she can do better than you.

If you’ve already noticed this sign, it won’t be long until the following one appears…

8) She tries to change you

Again, there is a massive difference between wanting your partner to reach their potential and trying to mold them into the person YOU want them to be.

But when a woman thinks she can do better than her partner, she might try to do the latter.

This could manifest in various subtle ways, such as:

  • Making comments about your eating habits
  • Suggesting you cut your hair in a different way
  • Complaining about your hobbies
  • Telling you to work out more or join the gym

This is a huge red flag as it can lead to her trying to control you or emotionally blackmail you.

Research has found that power and control issues in relationships happen when one partner sees themselves as superior to the other

It also shows a lack of equality and mutual respect, which are hallmarks of an unhealthy and toxic relationship!

Final thoughts

If you notice several of these signs in your partner and you’ve had an inkling that she thinks she can do better, the best thing you can do is leave.

Staying with someone who thinks she is out of your league will only erode your confidence and self-esteem, eventually leaving you feeling unworthy.

It’s possible for someone to love us but not treat us right. In these cases, love simply isn’t enough.

So do yourself a favor and find someone who truly appreciates you for who you are and is proud to be with you!

Picture of Gemma Clarke

Gemma Clarke

I am a certified yoga and mindfulness teacher and an experienced content writer in the spirituality and personal growth space. I’m passionate about sharing my expertise through the power of words to inspire and guide others along the path of personal and spiritual development.

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