7 subtle signs a man loves you deeply but isn’t ready for commitment

When a guy’s words tell you one thing and his actions suggest another it’s super confusing and it can leave you wondering “Is he into me or not?”

Picture this: you’re dating someone, everything seems to be going well, he’s even told you he’s falling for you. But for some reason, he still isn’t ready to commit. Sound familiar? 

Usually, if you find yourself in this situation, there are only two possibilities: either he’s not interested in anything serious and he’s telling you what you want to hear. Or he’s falling in love with you but he’s not ready for commitment. 

You probably have strong feelings for this guy and you want to know where you stand, right? I get it, I’ve been in your shoes before so I hope I can help you out by sharing 7 subtle signs that a guy really loves you but he’s just not ready for commitment.

Hopefully knowing the signs to look out for will help you to figure things out so that you guys can either get it together or you can stop wasting your time and move on. 

Let’s get started.   

1) He blows hot and cold 

Is your guy sending you mixed signals? 

It’s like one minute he’s all over you, spending lots of time with you, telling you how much he enjoys being around you and the next minute he’s distant, quiet, and barely interested at all. 

If this resonates with you there’s a chance that your partner does love you but he’s just not emotionally available. This means that he struggles to connect with others on an emotional level, even though he wants to.

When a guy blows hot and cold it’s a telltale sign that he’s got deep feelings for you, but he’s not ready to commit. He’s showing his true feelings with you in the moment but then later he feels an urge to pull back from you.

This can be a tough spot for any couple, but if you both love each other, with a bit of openness to change and the right support, it’s definitely something you can get through together.

2) He loves having fun with you (but won’t go deeper)

When you first start dating someone and you realize they’re fun to be around, it’s a green flag, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to have a good time with their partner? 

But what happens when you try to go deeper and start exploring some of the more serious sides to him, and he just won’t let you in? It’s like everything beyond fun is off-limits. You can’t seem to get past that surface-level stuff and go deeper. 

Here’s the thing: when a man loves you, he wants to be around you and have fun with you. He loves hanging out with you, going on adventures, and laughing together because he’s got feelings for you but it doesn’t mean he’s ready for real commitment. 

Focusing on fun and avoiding serious conversations is a sign of an emotionally immature guy and unfortunately, that probably means he’s just not ready for commitment, despite his strong feelings for you. 

3) He’s never had a serious relationship

No matter how much you like someone, getting into a serious relationship is scary, especially when you’ve never done it before. 

Everyone has had little crushes and maybe even short-term flings but when you’ve got deep feelings for someone the idea of being in a relationship with them is daunting. This one hits home for me big time. 

I was the kind of person who enjoyed casual dating in my 20s, I wasn’t looking for anything serious. And when I met my partner, I liked him so much it scared me. I had no experience with a real relationship and I was worried that if we went down that road, I’d mess everything up. 

What do you know about this guy’s relationship history? Has he ever been in a serious relationship? If not, that might explain his hesitation. He might just need some reassurance and a bit more patience to make him feel more comfortable. 

4) He’s not interested in getting to know your friends and family 

Signs youve jumped into a new relationship without healing from the last one 7 subtle signs a man loves you deeply but isn't ready for commitment

Introducing your special someone to your friends and family is a big deal, right? It’s like you’re letting them into your world and it’s a sign you’re open to exploring a future with them. 

The problem is: every time you try to introduce your guy to your friends and family he comes up with an excuse to avoid it. The first few times, you believed he genuinely couldn’t make it but it’s starting to feel like he’s dodging your invites on purpose. 

It’s easy to assume this means he’s not interested in anything serious with you but there might be something else going on. When a guy really loves you, meeting friends and family is intimidating. He’s worried if they don’t like him, you’ll lose interest. 

When guys feel inadequate and have a fear of rejection like this, they often end up doing things that seem easier in the short term but end up having negative long-term effects, like avoiding your family, making you think that he doesn’t like you, and losing you as a result. 

“People fear they will not be accepted or are good enough for someone,” explains psychologist Donna Novak. “In response, due to many deeper subconscious habits, we tend to push away people and consequently set ourselves up for failure”.

When your man loves you deeply but refuses to meet your friends and family, it’s a sign that tells you he’s just not ready for the commitment of a real relationship because his fears are holding him back. 

5) He’s not into labels

One of the biggest giveaways that a man loves you but he’s not ready for commitment is when he walks, talks, and acts like you’re a couple but he refuses to label it. 

It’s like he’s happy to play the role of your boyfriend, taking you on dates, doing couples activities, and being physically intimate with you but when it comes to calling you his girlfriend he’s completely against it. 

This shows that although he’s well capable of playing the role of a great boyfriend, the idea of committing to it makes him uneasy which is a clear indication that he’s got some issues with commitment and maybe even a full-blown fear of commitment

Just because someone has issues committing it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not into you, they may be in love with you but they just can’t get past their fears of commitment. 

6) He has a negative view of relationships

How does your man talk about relationships as a whole? Does it seem like he views them positively or negatively?

Another sign that a guy is not ready for commitment despite being in love with you is he thinks of being in a relationship as being controlled. He might talk about his friends in relationships as being “whipped” or “under the thumb”. 

Expressions like this suggest that he doesn’t look at relationships in a good light and because of this he’s reluctant to give up his independence. This idea is more common in men than women. 

Psychologist Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. shares “In my experience, men value their independence and freedom even more greatly than women.” suggesting it stems from their relationships with their mothers. 

If your man thinks that being in a relationship means that he’ll be controlled and lose all his independence then you can be sure he’s not ready for commitment, no matter how much he cares for you. 

7) He tells you 

This last one sounds simple but it’s an important one to mention. 

Many of my friends have dated guys who said they didn’t want anything serious, but my friends still ended up really hurt when these guys wouldn’t commit.

One friend, in particular, let’s call her Michelle, casually dated a guy for more than a year. He told her very early on that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t want to be exclusive. She told him she was fine with it but secretly she was sure he’d change his mind. 

Guess what? He didn’t. They stayed seeing each other until one night when out with friends, Michelle saw this guy with another girl. She was devastated and viewed it as cheating. From his point of view, he didn’t think they were in a relationship and was free to do what he wanted. 

The lesson here is simple: if he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, believe him. And if you guys can’t get on the same page, it might be best to walk away before someone gets hurt. 

Final thoughts

There you have it, 7 subtle signs that a man loves you deeply but simply isn’t ready for commitment. 

How many of these signs do you recognize in your man? 

It’s a tough pill to swallow but although your guy might really love you if he’s not ready for commitment and you are, it might be time to reconsider what’s best for you. 

Picture of Cat Harper

Cat Harper

Cat is an experienced Sales and Enablement professional turned writer whose passions span from psychology and relationships to continuous self-improvement, lifelong learning and pushing back on societal expectations to forge a life she loves. An avid traveler and adventure sports enthusiast, in her downtime you'll find Cat snowboarding, motorcycling or working on her latest self-development project.

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