8 subtle signs a friend is extremely attracted to you (according to psychology)

You’ve known each other for a while now.

In fact, you consider them to be one of your best friends.

So you’re surprised when a common friend told you that your friend is actually so into you.

And so now you can’t help but wonder “Could it be true? Is my friend actually into me and I was just blind all these years?”

Well, ask them directly.

But if you’re too shy to do that, then let psychology be your guide.

Here are 8 subtle signs a friend is extremely attracted to you, according to psychology.

1) Their pupils dilate

This is a bit tricky to check, for sure.

But if you have the chance to stare at each other’s eyes, then pay attention to their pupils.

If they dilate, then they might be extremely attracted to you!

The autonomic nervous system triggers the pupils to involuntarily dilate when excited or aroused.

And if they’re so into you, the change would be so obvious that it might be impossible for you to not notice it.

2) They get too close…then they pull away

Proxemics is the study of how physical space affects people.

Our physical distance from others affects our behaviors and feelings towards them. And how we feel towards others influences how near or far we want to be with them.

A natural result of someone liking you is that they want to get physically close to you. It’s not necessarily because they’re trying to flirt with you. They probably don’t even notice that they’re doing it in the first place!

It’s an unconscious social behavior.

So if you notice your friend is always sitting beside you, if you notice that they lean in a bit closer when you talk; trust me, they’re into you.

I experienced this in the past and it gets quite obvious especially if they’re a bit uninhibited (like when they’re drunk).

So why do they pull away then?


It’s probably because they don’t want you to find out they’re into you! It’s basically their “heart” is battling with their head

Their heart encourages them to get closer, but their rational mind tells them to not get too close or else they’d get caught.

3) They get uneasy when you’re too near

Do they break into a sweat when you lean closer?

Do they stutter and say nonsense when you sit too close?

Do they fumble and make a total fool of themselves when you touch them?

Then your friend is probably extremely attracted to you. Why is this happening though?

Well, according to clinical sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk, it’s not simply because they have an anxious personality. It’s actually because of the activation of two hormones: adrenaline and norepinephrine.

These hormones can make us crave for the person we want. It’s a very natural reaction, like when we salivate when we smell good food.

And the cute thing is that they have zero control over this. No matter how hard they try to act cool, they will get uneasy when you’re near.

4) They have no appetite when you eat together

I remember when I had a huge crush on my colleague.

The first time he invited me to eat lunch together, I had zero appetite. He even noticed it and said that I eat like a bird (I swear, I usually eat like a hyena so I was surprised, too.)

And after our meal, I burped a lot and even felt a little sick.

I thought I was just too self-conscious (or that I was indeed just sick), but it turns out that I was just infatuated.

And there’s actual science behind it.

The hormone to blame this time is cortisol. It contracts the blood vessels in the stomach when we’re around the person we’re extremely attracted to.

So…want to know if they’re into you?

Next time, pay attention to how much they’re eating. If they’re more focused on being with you than actually eating their food, then they’re probably crazy for you.

5) They can’t keep their eyes off of you

pic1917 8 subtle signs a friend is extremely attracted to you (according to psychology)

Studies have shown that we are drawn to faces we find attractive. Even infants prefer attractive faces.

And when it comes to attraction, we just can’t help but stare at our object of affection.

It isn’t simply longing from the heart, it’s caused by our brain signaling our bodies to release love chemicals.  The one responsible for us staring at our crush is dopamine.

According to psychologists, it has the same effect on the brain as eating chocolate or taking cocaine. It stimulates the desire-reward response that could lead to pleasure.

In other words, it’s addictive.

So if you catch your friend staring at you too many times, then there’s a chance they’re totally into you.

6) They’re in sync with you

When you touch your nose, they touch theirs just a second later. And when you cross your arms, they cross theirs too.

Are they just trying to annoy you?

Before you embarrass them by pointing out what they’re doing, you have to know that—once again— they might not even be aware they’re doing it!

Mirroring, according to psychology, is one person subconsciously imitating the gestures, speech patterns, and attitude of another to establish rapport.

Our brain’s mirror neuron system is responsible for this behavior and anthropologists have noted that this establishes deeper bonds and trust.

If you’re attracted to your friend too, the next time you notice them mirroring you, use it as a cue for you to reciprocate.

Lean a little bit closer, or perhaps stare at them 3 seconds longer to signal that you’re into them, too.

7) They remember the things you tell them

According to a study by the Center of Neuroscience (UC), memory replay prioritizes high-reward memories.

This could be the reason why we tend to remember the information our crushes have told us or why we can vividly recall the moments we had with them.

Our brain considers them as special information and so we can easily access them.

So…does your friend remember the name of your first dog when you don’t even remember telling them?

Does your friend remember your favorite band, favorite flavor of ice cream, and your favorite color?

And yet, they’re forgetful of other things?

Then they must be so into you!

8) They’re into the things you’re into

This is similar to mirroring, except that it has other psychological things going on.

It’s a mixture of mirroring, confirmation bias, and a bit of similar-to-me bias.

They’d make a big deal of the things you have in common (“OMG! You like The Beatles, too?!”) because they’re desperate to make a connection.

They find it incredible that you actually have similar tastes…when really, there’s nothing so special about it.

And they’d desperately want to show that you’re both indeed alike in so many ways because of similar-to-me bias.

They want you to think they’re cool because they’re just like you.

So if your friend is trying really hard to have things in common with you, they’re probably head over heels in love with you.

Final thoughts

If you notice all of these subtle signs, then it’s obvious—your friend is secretly into you!

They’re probably just trying to control their feelings because they’re worried it will ruin your friendship.

But if you’re so into them, too…well, jackpot! It’s time you give them more obvious hints that you’re into them so you can both start a new chapter.

Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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