10 reasons to stop trying to fix yourself (because it doesn’t work)

Are you’re trying to fix yourself?

Do you think that if you could just fix your body, your career, your family, your relationship everything will be better?

Well, let me tell you straight off the bat that it won’t work. In fact, what you should be doing is letting go of the idea of “fixing yourself” and start to accept yourself for who you are.

Here are 10 reasons why you should stop trying to “fix” yourself in order to make everything better:

1) You are not broken

First of all, you’re not broken, and you don’t need fixing. You’re a human being and you have your good days and bad days just like everyone else.

You are not broken and it’s not your fault that things aren’t happening the way you want them to. It doesn’t mean that you should give up on yourself completely. It just means that you should learn how to be happy with yourself instead of trying to change yourself into someone who is happy all of the time.

Think about it:

It’s not possible to just wake up one day and decide you want to be a different person.

This is because our identities are so intertwined with who we are that trying to change our identity is an impossibility. You might see this as a bad thing or a good thing. The reality of the situation is that there isn’t any such thing as fixing yourself because you are not broken.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Keep perspective
  • Stop comparing yourself to others
  • Stop thinking you’re too good for anything
  • Learn how to let go
  • Accept what is happening now
  • Take a break from productivity and do something fun

2) You’re setting yourself up for failure!

Do you feel like you are constantly battling your self-doubt? Do you find yourself questioning your abilities and intellect, even when you know it’s silly? Do you spend a lot of time trying to fix yourself, only to find that the real problem is how you think about yourself?

Here’s the deal, you are only setting yourself up for failure if you think that you can fix yourself. Our thoughts shape who we are and what we do with our lives.

You will never reach your goals if you think that it is wrong to be happy with who you are.

It’s impossible to fix something that is not broken. Instead, try to change the way you see yourself. Accept yourself for who you are.

Simply put, stop trying to fix yourself because there is nothing wrong with the way that you are right now, and everything is going exactly as it should be!

3) Things are constantly, change, nothing is permanent

To fix something suggests a temporary state of repair. It’s like if you have a problem that you want to fix, you’re really just putting a band-aid on it.

Things are constantly changing. You are constantly changing. Your likes and dislikes. Your knowledge. Your view of the world.

So instead of trying to fix yourself now, why not aim to change yourself for the better?

It’s true, change is not easy and takes time. It’s a life-long project and allows for mistakes, which is essential for growth.

So go easy on yourself, reflect on how you want to change, and take it slow.

4) Treat yourself with kindness

It turns out that you are your own worst enemy.

So, instead of beating yourself up, telling yourself that you are no good and you need to fix yourself, show yourself some love and kindness.

Instead of saying, “I’m no good,” why not say, “I’m learning and growing.”

When you start to feel like you are doing something wrong, or that you’re not good enough to have a certain thing in life, ask yourself why you feel that way.

Why are you making yourself feel bad about your talents or skills? Why do you set such high expectations for yourself? What is the real problem?

It’s important to remember that we all make mistakes. We all fail at things on occasion. It’s normal and okay. It doesn’t mean that we are bad people or that we can never grow as a person. The mistake itself doesn’t define who we are as a person!

So don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember to treat yourself with kindness. It will give you a better outlook on life and help you find happiness.

Sounds good, right?

5) Stop expecting everyone to like you

You might be thinking that everyone should like you. But guess what? Not everyone will. People aren’t always going to like you, and that’s okay.

If you are trying to fix yourself in order to have everyone like you – stop!

Let me explain:

It’s not possible for everyone to like you. Do you like everyone you know? Of course not! And the same goes for everyone else.

So stop trying to make everyone like you. And if they don’t like you – it’s okay! It doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough.

Everyone is different and has different likes and dislikes. Don’t try to change who you are to appeal to someone else.

It’s okay if people don’t like you or if people don’t get along with you because it’s their choice.

Basically, if someone doesn’t like you – just let it go!

6) It can lead to depression

pexels mart production 7278988 10 reasons to stop trying to fix yourself (because it doesn't work)

Did you know that trying to fix yourself can lead to depression?

It is an unfortunate fact that a lot of people who are trying to fix themselves end up depressed or with low self-esteem. Some people may feel they need to change their appearance or weight in order to fit into society, but this will rarely make them happy.

You see, the key to happiness and mental health is adopting healthy life habits that provide us with the support we need.

So what does this mean?

Practicing positive self-talk, exercising, and doing things that make you happy are all ways to build up a healthy awareness of who you are.

It is also important to remember that it’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes or not be the person everyone wants you to be. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers. You don’t need to change yourself in order for people to like you – just do your best!

7) Don’t compare yourself to others

There will always be people who are better than you at certain things and there will always be people who are worse than you at certain things. A lot of the time we compare ourselves with other people, but this is often a bad idea.


It is important to remember that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and that we all have different goals in life. Don’t try to compete with other people when it comes to who is better at what.

8) Practice self-care

Self-care shouldn’t be about fixing or changing yourself. It should be about accepting who you are and the ways in which you live your life.

In order to truly care for yourself, it’s important to stop trying to fix yourself.

Self-care is a concept that has been growing in popularity over recent years but remains stubbornly misunderstood. Although there is no one way to define self-care, it can generally be described as taking care of oneself by looking after physical and mental health needs, well-being, and happiness levels.

You see, when we practice self-care, it becomes easier to take care of our friends and family members. After all, if we’re doing things right for ourselves then we’re not draining our loved ones’ energy with complaining or constant worry. This means we will have more energy left over for them!

Self-care can also be defined in terms of how we relate to the world around us. We can practice self-care by treating ourselves with respect and encouraging others to do the same.

9) Stop thinking that you need to be good at everything


If you think that you need to be good at everything then you are setting yourself up for failure.

It’s true. Nobody can be good at everything.

If you are trying to fix yourself to be good at everything, you should know it’s not possible!

You need to figure out where your strengths lie and what your weaknesses are instead of trying to be perfect at everything.

It’s important to accept that we won’t always be the best at everything. We will be good at some things and bad at others. We will always be learning new things and growing.

10) Focus on what you are good at

By trying to fix yourself you are focusing on your negative aspects, things that you are not good at and that need changing.

There are a lot of people who have trouble accepting their shortcomings. They feel like they’re never good enough. But what does it do to your self-esteem when you constantly focus on the things that you’re not good at?

Focusing on your weaknesses can lead to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

And it doesn’t stop there. When everything you do is falling short, it can be difficult to find the motivation and drive to try again. Focus on what you are good at instead of what you are bad at. It’s important not to let other people define your worth.

Think about all the things you are actually good at. At the areas in life where you have succeeded.

For example, if you are good at relationships with family and friends, focus on that.

If you are good at playing the piano or singing, focus on that.

Be kind to yourself, know who you are and what your strengths are, and accept them. When you do this all of your problems will disappear!

Tips to overcome self-doubt

Self-doubt is a feeling of fear or insecurity in the mind. It can be caused by a number of things, such as:

  • You may feel that you are not good enough for something and this can lead to self-doubt.
  • A lack of confidence can come from many things, from your past experience to your perception of others’ opinions.
  • You may feel that you aren’t smart enough or good enough at something.
  • You may feel that you don’t measure up to certain people’s expectations and standards.

Here are some tips on how to overcome self-doubt

1) Surround yourself with positive supportive people

One way to help you overcome self-doubt is to surround yourself with positive supportive people – people who love you and care about you. Avoid being around negative people who criticize you and enjoy it when you are down.

Always have someone to talk to:

  • When you feel that you are not good enough
  • If you feel that you aren’t smart enough
  • If you feel that other people do not like you
  • If you feel like a failure

And remember not to compare yourself to others – the only person who can define your self-worth is yourself.

2) Be mindful of your thoughts

pexels engin akyurt 1458826 10 reasons to stop trying to fix yourself (because it doesn't work)

Negative thoughts are always looking for a way to sneak into your head. They’re the little whispers about how you can’t do something or how the other person is better than you.

It’s those negative thoughts that can make your life feel like a never-ending struggle and eat away at your happiness.


The trick to removing these negative thoughts from your head is really easy: recognize them when they enter! Once you learn to watch for them, this will allow you to take control of how you see yourself and change how you feel about yourself.

What can you do?

Practicing mindfulness meditation can help you recognize those negative thoughts.

Mindfulness meditation is a practice of being fully present in your life and accepting what is happening right now. It is about being fully aware of what is happening in the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

By practicing mindfulness meditation you can learn to be more accepting and compassionate towards yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings.

It involves focusing on your breathing, relaxing your body, and being aware of the present moment.

3) Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is a process of treating yourself kindly and understanding your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.

It’s all about developing kindness towards yourself in difficult times.

By practicing self-compassion, you’re able to be with negative emotions without judgment or criticism. Instead, you can accept what you feel, recognize that you are human, and use that energy to help yourself grow as a person instead of being absorbed by the negativity.

It’s that simple.

4) Keep a journal

Journaling is a powerful activity that can help to improve mental health. People who journal have better moods, lower anxiety levels, and more confidence in their identity.

It’s also an excellent way to track your emotions and reflect on life.

And the best part?

Keeping a journal in which you write down every time you have self-doubts can be a great way to help you notice any patterns that are causing such behavior.

Once you’ve identified the patterns that are causing you to feel self-doubt, it will be easier to work on changing them.

What’s more, putting these thoughts down on paper can be a good release for you.

5) Practice positive self-talk

It’s a good idea to practice positive self-talk as well.

Self-talk is a tool that can help if you need to improve your mood and make difficult emotions more manageable. By speaking positive thoughts to yourself, you can alleviate negative feelings such as anxiety or anger, and also learn how to focus on the positive aspects of life.

It’s easier than you think.

Positive self-talk can be used to help remind yourself of all the good things about your life and how great you are.

When talking to yourself, it’s important to be encouraging and supportive – but also realistic about what you can do.

Some people find it helpful to make a list of goals for themselves so that they know what they are working towards every day. This will help them stay on track with their goals when times get tough.

6) Exercise regularly

Regular exercise can be a great way to improve your mental health.

It has been shown that exercise can help you to feel more energized and less anxious.

Physical activity also has a positive effect on your mood, and those who exercise regularly are less likely to suffer from depression or anxiety.

In addition, exercising regularly helps to relieve stress and can give you the energy you need to get through the day.

Turns out that exercise helps to improve mental health by giving you the energy you need to deal with the day, but it can also make you feel stronger and more confident, helping you during moments of self-doubt.

It can also help to improve your mood by giving you a sense of achievement and accomplishment.

7) Consult a therapist

Finally, dealing with self-doubt can be quite challenging. It’s not always easy to deal with it yourself.

Have you ever considered speaking to a licensed therapist about it?

In my own experience, talking to someone who has dealt with similar issues can be a great way to get support.

If you are dealing with self-doubt and need help, it’s important to realize that there is no shame in seeking out professional help.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.