friend betrayed me Stoic philosophy

How Stoic philosophy helped me control my anger when a close friend betrayed me

A friend of 12 years betrayed me. The secrets I’ve shared with him were spread on social media to seek revenge and I felt like my world was shattered.

For months, I was very angry. I felt violated and ashamed.

Should I drop down to his level and return the favor?

Should I start rumors about him and try to tear his reputation apart like he did with mine?

No. Instead of dropping down to his level, I chose Stoic philosophy.

What is Stoicism?

According to Philosophy Basics:

“Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy (developed by Zeno of Citium around 300 B.C. as a refinement of Cynicism) which teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. It does not seek to extinguish emotions completely, but rather seeks to transform them by a resolute Asceticism (a voluntary abstinence from worldly pleasures), which enables a person to develop clear judgment, inner calm and freedom from suffering (which it considers the ultimate goal).”

Whoa! You’re probably a little confused for a moment there but bear with me. Continue reading.

For example, you wake up in the morning and as you’re getting ready for the day, you tell yourself, “If somebody gives me the finger while we’re traffic, that’s OK. People are jerks like that.” While driving home from work, you get cut off and on top of that, he flips you off. You not only expected the one finger salute but you didn’t even react to it. You simply just moved on. You expected to suffer, therefore, his actions didn’t make a dent in your emotions at all.

It’s more or less like this: if you want good things to happen all the time, you will be greatly disappointed. It doesn’t work like that. However, if you expect bad things to happen all the time, it isn’t so bad once the bad thing you expected arises.

friend betrayed me

When they go low, you step over them and walk away

I know, you’re probably thinking, “12 years? I would have gone crazy on him!” Yes, if this had occurred in my early teens I would have but after studying philosophy for almost a decade, I realized that it was healthier to allow myself to be angry than acting out the emotions.

Stoic philosophy helped when best friend betrayed me

What do I mean by this? I did not deny what I was feeling. I expressed it openly it among people that I trust and I was honest to what I felt. I think that anger is still a taboo in our society and so we force ourselves to bottle it up and not feel the sensation of anger. In my situation, I used art therapy and music. We can learn so much from ourselves if we could just allow ourselves to be truthful to what we’re experiencing. There are 7.6 billion people in this world, why should I allow one to bother me?

You’re the master of your universe

Whether it’s a family member, friend or lover that hurt you just remember this:

Stoic philosophy helped when best friend betrayed me

To share your thoughts on this article, respond to the idea I posted on Ideapod.

You can read more of my work at

If you liked this article, you may enjoy receiving our email newsletter. Twice weekly. Unsubscribe anytime.


Tribe members supporting Ideapod


Our goal


We're doing things differently...

We have taken off advertising from all of Ideapod. Now, you’ll only see us promoting our own free masterclasses, workshops, and eBooks.

It was difficult to say goodbye to such a lucrative source of funding. But we wanted to practice what we preach.

Ideapod has become a trusted resource for people who are sick and tired of living in a superficial society. Everything we share in our masterclasses and workshops is about helping people to build a deeper connection within so we can live authentic and fulfilled lives.

Instead of making money from advertising, we have turned to our community for help.

If you find what you’re learning on Ideapod to be valuable, please consider supporting us by becoming a Tribe member.

When you join the Tribe, you get immediate access to all of our eBooks (worth hundreds of dollars). You also get special offers for our workshops and can access all of our articles.

Most importantly, you’ll be joining a supportive community of people who have made the commitment to take their power back from a system that so often leaves us exhausted and frustrated.

For the cost of a small meal, you can show your support for our work. Thank you.

Be the first to comment on this article at Ideapod Discussions

Boonn Hem

Boonn Hem

Although I may feel alienated from society and have a pessimistic view on modern civilization, I do support humanism and our ability to adapt to changes and differences.



Laughing in the Face of Chaos by Rudá Iandê

Laughing in the Face of Chaos is Rudá Iandê's first book.

This brilliant guide to modern life reveals the key elements that structure your personal construction of reality. You’ll be offered fresh perspectives to face your innermost ghosts and struggles, finding joy and balance in your relationship with yourself.

You’ll get the knowledge and tools to detoxify your mind from all the spiritual, religious, ideological and educational bullsh*t that limits you so that you can unleash your personal power, unshackle your creativity and live a life of authenticity, in deep connection with your true nature.

In a moment when mankind got lost within its own cultural constructions, Laughing in the Face of Chaos offers a lucid guide back to our sanity.

Back to Top

25% off

If you’re sick of trying to fit in with the social standards of normality, success, and perfection, then Tribe membership is for you.

Join today and get access to our library of eBooks, special offers, and all Ideapod articles.