In a world that is increasingly interconnected, it’s easy to feel pressure to find “the one”. After all, movies, songs, and society often echo the sentiment that finding a partner is key to happiness.
For a while, I bought into this idea too, always on the lookout for someone who could complete me. But then, I realised something life-changing: what if the key isn’t finding someone to complete us but complement us?
Now, I firmly advocate staying single until you find someone who embodies these nine traits. Here’s why.
1) Emotional maturity is non-negotiable
In our quest for a partner, we often prioritize traits like physical attractiveness or shared interests. While these are important, they can overshadow a fundamental requirement—emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is the ability to understand and manage one’s emotions effectively. It’s about being able to communicate openly and honestly, to empathize with others, and to handle conflicts in a positive way.
I used to underestimate the importance of emotional maturity, often getting swept up in the thrill of new relationships without considering their emotional depth. But over time, I’ve realized that without emotional maturity, a relationship lacks the foundation needed for long-term success.
Don’t settle for someone who isn’t emotionally mature. Hold out for a partner who can navigate the complexities of emotions with grace and understanding. This is fundamental to a healthy, thriving relationship. Stand firm in your pursuit of emotional maturity.
2) Seek someone who values authenticity
We live in a world where it’s easy to hide behind masks. Social media, for instance, allows us to present a carefully curated version of ourselves. But in a relationship, authenticity is crucial.
Authenticity is about being true to who you are, embracing your strengths and weaknesses, and not being afraid to show your true colors. It’s about being real, honest, and vulnerable.
In my past relationships, I found that when I was with someone who wasn’t authentic, it made me feel like I had to hide parts of myself too. But when I met someone who valued authenticity as much as I did, it was liberating. It allowed us both to be our true selves.
Remember the words of Brené Brown: “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Prioritize authenticity in your relationships. It’s a choice that pays off in the long run.
3) Embrace the transformative power of self-awareness
A relationship isn’t just about two people—it’s about the relationship each person has with themselves. This is a powerful truth I’ve learned, and it’s something that shaman Rudá Iandê emphasizes in his enlightening [“Art of Love and Intimacy” masterclass](https://thevessel.io/op/love-intimacy-masterclass/).
Experiences with past relationships taught me that without a strong relationship with myself, it was impossible to cultivate a healthy connection with someone else. The masterclass explores this concept in depth, challenging traditional ideas of love and intimacy and empowering participants to break free from limiting beliefs.
By taking this masterclass, you’ll be able to recognize that your external relationships mirror your internal relationship with yourself. It’s a profound revelation that aligns perfectly with my beliefs around personal responsibility and authentic connections.
4) Recognize the importance of self-love
Self-love isn’t about vanity or narcissism. It’s about acknowledging your worth, embracing your flaws, and taking care of your mental and physical well-being. It’s about knowing that you deserve respect, kindness, and love—both from yourself and others.
There’s a raw honesty in admitting that we often look for in others what we don’t give ourselves. We seek validation, love, and respect from our partners when we should first be cultivating these within ourselves.
After taking the masterclass, it became evident to me that the love I was seeking from others was a reflection of the love I needed to give myself. Self-love is not just a prerequisite for healthy relationships; it’s a cornerstone of a fulfilling life.
Ask yourself this: Are you loving and respecting yourself as much as you expect your future partner to? Your answer may reveal more than you think.
5) Financial compatibility matters
We often shy away from discussing finances in relationships, viewing it as a potentially divisive topic. However, financial compatibility is an essential element of a successful partnership.
Financial compatibility isn’t about finding someone who earns the same amount of money as you do. It’s about aligning with someone who shares your values around money and understands its role as a tool for positive change.
In my experience, when money values clash, it can lead to significant stress and discord in a relationship. But when both partners view money as a means to live authentically, to support social good, and to contribute to a sustainable future, it forms a strong bond that goes beyond mere dollars and cents.
Financial compatibility isn’t just about money—it’s about shared values, mutual respect, and a common vision for the future. Don’t shy away from this crucial aspect of compatibility. It’s more important than you might think.
6) Look for a partner who values personal growth
Personal growth can be an uncomfortable process. It often involves confronting our fears, challenging our beliefs, and stepping out of our comfort zones. Yet, it’s through this transformative process that we become more self-aware, resilient, and capable of creating the lives we desire.
In a partner, seek someone who understands this journey and values personal growth just as much as you do. Someone who isn’t afraid of change but embraces it as an opportunity for learning and expansion.
I’ve learned that relationships thrive when both partners are committed to their individual growth and support each other in this journey. It fosters mutual respect, empathy, and deepens the bond between two people.
Remember, you’re not just choosing a partner; you’re choosing a travel companion for your personal growth journey. Choose wisely.
7) Seek out resilience
Life is unpredictable and full of challenges. It’s not just about finding someone who can share your joys, but also someone who can weather the storms with you.
Resilience is a trait that often gets overlooked. But, having been through my fair share of ups and downs, I realized the importance of resilience in a partner. Someone who understands that setbacks are part of life’s journey and sees them as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to give up.
Resilience isn’t just about enduring tough times; it’s about learning, growing, and coming out stronger on the other side. Seek out a partner who embodies this trait—it’s a testament to their strength and character.
8) Authentic communication is key
In any relationship, communication is fundamental. But I’m not just talking about regular chit-chat—I mean authentic communication.
Authentic communication involves expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly without fear of judgment. It’s about being open to listening and understanding your partner’s perspective, even when it differs from your own.
I’ve learned that relationships thrive when both partners can communicate authentically, fostering a deep sense of connection and mutual understanding. The ability to communicate authentically is a trait worth seeking in a partner—it’s the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship.
9) A shared vision for the future is essential
Our dreams and ambitions play a significant role in shaping who we are. In a partner, seek someone who shares a similar vision for the future—a vision that aligns with your core values and aspirations.
Having a shared vision doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything. It means you both are working towards a common goal and supporting each other along the way.
In my experience, having a shared vision strengthens the bond between two people, providing a sense of purpose and direction in the relationship. When you share a common vision with your partner, you’re not just walking side by side—you’re walking together towards the same destination.
Embracing Authenticity and Growth in Love
Throughout this journey, we’ve deconstructed the societal pressures around finding “the one” and explored the nine essential traits to seek in a partner. From emotional maturity, authenticity, and resilience, to the shared vision of the future, each trait has illuminated what it means to foster a genuine connection with someone.
This exploration has underscored the transformative power of self-awareness and personal growth, reinforcing the idea that our external relationships are a mirror of our internal state. It’s not just about finding a partner but ensuring they complement us and share our values.
As I’ve discovered, the journey towards authentic relationships begins with ourselves. Embracing our own emotional maturity, self-love, and resilience paves the way for healthier connections. By aligning our financial decisions with our deepest values and cultivating a shared vision for the future, we can foster relationships that are both fulfilling and aligned with our authentic selves.
If you’re ready to deepen your understanding and apply these principles to your personal growth and relationships, I highly recommend taking Rudá Iandê’s free “The Art of Love and Intimacy” masterclass. This empowering masterclass challenges traditional notions of love and intimacy, guiding you towards more meaningful connections by grounding you in reality.
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