As someone who never felt comfortable with myself, gaining more confidence was a journey and a half.
At one point, I thought maybe the struggle is a part of being confident.
Like I was inherently flawed, and confidence is just what happens when you numb yourself to that belief.
But it’s not!
Taking you from survival mode to thriving mode, here are 10 special traits of people who are comfortable in their skin.
1) You don’t take things personally.
When you’re comfortable in your skin, it isn’t because you love everything you see in the mirror.
It’s because you understand that everyone’s perception is connected to how they feel on the inside.
When you’ve done the work to go within and disconnect yourself from certain biases or beliefs that are rooted in oppression, it’s easier to recognize when someone else is living from an insecure mindset.
Which means for the most part, the way people perceive your personal life choices aren’t personal.
Neither are the ways people treat you.
2) You believe in your potential.
I like to think that potential isn’t something definite. Believing in it doesn’t mean you have a concrete vision of it in your mind.
Rather it’s an idea where you see yourself as limitless. Not empty, but capable.
So people who are comfortable in their skin might have an affinity for variety and change! Or seek knowledge to expand their view of the world.
Simply because they don’t expect themselves to be perfect. It’s a strange paradox, to believe that you can do anything, but not think of yourself as perfect.
But it makes sense because when you don’t expect perfection from yourself, you’re able to preserve your energy. Being hard on yourself is a bit exhausting, no?
That way, you have more space and time to do things that light a fire within you.
3) You take your time.
I think being patient with someone is one of the best ways to show them that you love them.
And people who are comfortable in their skin are able to be patient with themselves.
Partially because they know a finish line or goal doesn’t determine their worth. And partially because they know their health matters more than what’s on the outside.
When you aren’t able to show yourself patience, you might see your needs and wants as nuisances. Like they are slowing you down because maybe life is asking you to step back and reflect.
But there is power in being able to sit with yourself and become more self-aware through introspection. This is usually when you sift through their emotions or thoughts to determine what is your responsibility and what’s not.
And accurately express your boundaries.
4) You practice radical candor.
You can’t be unapologetically yourself if you don’t know what you’re being unapologetic about.
People who are comfortable with themselves speak from a place of sincerity, not reactiveness.
A lot of the time, people avoid being honest because they are afraid of people’s reactions. Or sometimes, if you have a level of self-awareness, you might overthink if you’re projecting.
Which makes you second guess your own boundaries or desires.
But the line between projection and healthy boundaries lies in how you value yourself and what you expect from the interaction.
If your goal for being “brutally honest” stems from a place of control, it might be best to take a step back and reflect on how you can be more fair.
But if your goal is to be heard and take responsibility without needing the other person to be a certain way, that’s a boundary.
To practice radical candor, you must let go of the need to control every single emotion that you or someone else might feel.
Think of it as asking another person to meet you at the place where peace and authenticity meet, but don’t try to drag them there.
5) You are empowered.
Empowerment isn’t all about having control or being in a certain position of authority.
Perhaps having control over your emotions and thoughts can be empowering. But true empowerment comes from understanding.
Not just of yourself, but the world.
People who are comfortable in their skin are educated on what lies beneath the surface in our societies, cultures and history.
This idea can seem a bit disconnected from the idea of empowerment, but hear me out.
The greatest battle we have in our lives is probably the one with ourselves. However, I believe that involves being able to perceive the reality of our planet.
Sure, there are beautiful moments in life in the form of love or experiences. But let’s be real, the world is full of hidden agendas and injustices.
People who are empowered don’t see good and bad as things that cancel each other out. Instead, they are able to utilize the good to accept and combat the bad.
It’s having peace with one’s self and wanting to bring forth that peace everywhere else.
6) You uplift others.
I always tell myself, “empowered people empower others.”
People who truly feel at home with themselves are able to spread that self-acceptance wherever they go.
It’s that friend that always reminds you of the bigger picture.
Or that person in your community who is generous and kind to everyone without expecting a thing.
This is because they don’t view life as a competition. And they don’t need to compete with themselves to stay ambitious.
Because there’s enough room for us all at the top, whatever that means, and if there isn’t, we’ll make room.
7) You are satisfied.
Because social media makes comparison so easy, and the growing self-improvement culture, it’s hard to come by people who are truly happy with themselves.
And perhaps it’s the human condition, to feel like there’s always more work to do. And perhaps that’s not completely wrong.
But being satisfied with where you’re at isn’t about feeling like you don’t need to do anything else anymore.
It’s more about deriving pleasure from the fact that you’re alive.
Or that you saw a cute bunny on your lawn today.
It’s being grateful and valuing the smaller things over things that fuel your ego.
We all need ego! Ego can be fun! But at some point, it becomes a hindrance because you are preoccupied with what’s next and what’s not already around you.
You don’t need to Marie Kondo your life to feel satisfied – simple balance is needed, that’s all.
8) You believe in balance.
True balance can be rare as it requires you to go within and turn over a lot of different stones. So you can find a way for all your aspects to co-exist.
Because as I mentioned before, opposites don’t cancel each other out.
That’d be too easy!
Instead, people who are truly balanced have a duality about them that opens the door to new possibilities. Like a secret third, fourth or fifth option that wasn’t originally there.
To contextualize this trait, think of a chef who is able to take an animal and use up all of its parts and not let anything go to waste. They didn’t find a use for everything overnight.
Or a mediator who is able to find a common ground and use the weaknesses of both sides to offer a solution that promotes peace.
Because balance is innovative, and fairness isn’t just about doing what’s quantitatively fair at face value.
Like, put that scale away, you’ll need your wisdom for this one.
When you believe in balance, that means you believe that there are solutions to every conflict. And that even if you don’t have one, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
9) You are open-minded.
Being open-minded can have a reputation for being unconventional.
And while they can go hand in hand, sometimes being open-minded is just knowing that you can mind your business.
People who are comfortable in their own skin don’t feel the need to prove themselves right over everything.
Sure, they can speak up, but unless something is an immediate threat, knowing that not everything deserves your reaction is a sign of confidence.
They know that the existence of someone else’s beliefs aren’t a threat to their own.
10) You are magnetic.
When you put everything above together, you find someone who is easy and breezy to work with. Because they bring authenticity, knowledge, and the unknown to the table.
The unknown being a symbol and portal to growth.
But the catch here is that who they work with must be able to match the level of faith in themselves. Or else you risk having an imbalanced dynamic.
At the same time, this makes them a magnet to everyone that is also striving for authenticity!
Because when you’re comfortable with yourself, solutions aren’t optional and don’t feel like an obstacle. It’s just a matter of time until you come up with something!
Which means you don’t need to doubt yourself and start over.
You just need to worry if where you’re headed can meet you where you’re at.