12 simple ways to tell if a man genuinely respects and values you, according to psychology

How can you know if a man really respects you and sees your worth?

Talk comes cheap, but the true signs that he values you on a deeper level comes through his actions. 

Let’s take a look at the insights provided by psychology that show when a man really cares about you. 

If he does the following things you can be highly confident that he sees you for your true value and is committed to treating you with full respect and chivalry. 

1) He respects your boundaries 

First and foremost is that he respects you:

This includes paying attention to your boundaries and respecting them

He doesn’t try to pressure you, persuade you or talk you into anything you’re not comfortable with. 

He wants you to be comfortable and feel seen and valued, because he truly cares about you and values you as an individual. 

2) He respects your time and is present in your life

The man who truly values you will be able to appreciate your independence while also being present in your life. 

In other words, he is a consistent presence in your life, but he also knows when to give you your space. 

He doesn’t just pop up and disappear unpredictably. He’s there on an ongoing basis, forming a real bond with you. 

As therapist Myisha Battle, MS, notes:

“Someone who is truly interested in you will not disappear for long stretches of time only to reappear with no explanation.”

3) He cares about your opinion

Your opinion is something he genuinely respects. 

Whether or not he agrees, he listens to you and wants to know more about what you think. 

He actively listens to what you say and wants to know more without judging. 

If he disagrees he’ll let you know, but it’s never in a way that’s trying to shame you or force you to change your views. 

4) He’s kind and helpful to you 

Simple things like kindness and helpfulness deserve to get more of the spotlight. 

It’s not that this guy is subservient or simping in any way:

But he does love helping you out and will go to any reasonable lengths to be on your side and to give you a hand if he can. 

“If you express a need, you can bet he is going to be eager to give you a hand,” notes psychology writer Shelley Standford. 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a ride to the bus stop or help getting a new piece of furniture into your apartment.”

5) He supports your goals in life 

In addition to being helpful and kind to you, he’s decidedly supportive of your goals in life. 

He backs you up on your dreams and gives you practical advice to get closer to fulfilling your dreams when he can. 

As psychology writer James Sama notes:

“Words are nice, but they are always drowned out by actions. Early on in a relationship, watch what someone does more than what they say. Words can be dishonest, but actions can’t.”

If you need a guy to listen, he’s also there for you:

Which brings me to the next point… 

6) He’s empathetic about your struggles 

When you’re going through a hard time, a man who cares about you will be there for you.

He may not have all sorts of advice or even know what to do. But he’ll be there. 

And he’ll empathize and do his best to share your pain with you, valuing the vulnerability you have shown and treating it with true care and respect. 

As mental health writer Ariane Resnick, CNC writes:

“Romantic chemistry is typically considered the most intimate form of chemistry. That’s because in addition to sharing our bodies with someone, it leads to us partnering and sharing our lives.”

7) He’s consistently trustworthy and honest

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There’s no replacement for honesty when it comes to crucial elements of respect to watch for. 

A man who truly respects you won’t just say all the right stuff or be perfect:

He’ll be honest, which includes admitting small times when he screws up or even big times. 

This consistent honesty makes a big difference and lets you know that this guy is the real deal in terms of how he values you. 

8) He doesn’t throw his weight around, even in disagreements

When there’s a disagreement, how does this guy comport himself?

A man who truly respects you and knows your worth will not throw his weight around or get his ego involved. 

Even if he’s upset about something or offended by something which has happened, he doesn’t turn it into a chance to pressure you or push you around. 

He manages his emotions enough to still be respectful of you and not get caught up in his reactivity.  

9) He gives you your space and independence 

When a man truly values you, he doesn’t try to control you. 

He gives you your space and independence to live your own life. 

While letting you know that he wants you in his life and has a great appreciation and love of the time you spend together, he’s never dependent on that:

He lets you grow and have your own social life as well, without demanding that it conform to his views or his priorities. 

10) He owns up to his mistakes and tries to make up for them

When a man truly values you, he’s honest even about the messy stuff. 

Although this is a risk, it’s a risk he’s willing to take because he knows that a relationship is only worth it if it’s built on real respect. 

By the same token, he tries to make up for it when he does something wrong or messes up. It’s not just saying he’s sorry, in other words: it’s proving it. 

“Love means engaging in self-reflection rather than self-love when you have to reach deep inside and admit that you are wrong,” notes Bernstein.

11) He communicates clearly and consistently

The man who’s genuinely engaged and caring for you will communicate clearly and consistently. 

He speaks his mind and his words are infused with sincerity. 

He’s not interested in talking a smooth game or trying to get you to like him:

He’s just transparent in valuing you and wanting to be straightforward with you because he cares about you. 

12) He looks after you and encourages you to look after yourself

When a man truly cares about you and respects your value, he will encourage you to engage in self-care.

He will also look after you and make it clear that you’re the most important person in his life. 

He does this, however, without making it transactional or making you feel like he’s dependent on you for his sense of wellbeing or happiness. 

He’s not: but he does care about you enormously. 

As psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD. says:

“Does he make spending time with you a priority? Do you feel like the most important person in his life?”

Picture of Paul Brian

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

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