9 signs you’ve jumped into a new relationship without healing from the last one

Everything important in life takes time.

That’s true of building a relationship. And it’s definitely true of healing after a relationship goes wrong.

Look, when you’ve been hurt by a partner, it’s tempting to latch on to anything that seems like it will make you feel good.

Plus, loneliness can make us do funny things. Add those traits together, and you have a recipe for jumping into a new relationship while still carrying the scars from the old one.

Unfortunately, there’s no set rule as to how long you should wait after a relationship breaks up before starting another one. But there are some signs that can show you you’ve jumped into a relationship too soon.

Look out for these:

1) You have a hard time trusting your new partner

One of the clearest signs that you have yet to move on from your last relationship is that you can’t trust your new partner.

Often, we carry the baggage of old relationships into our new ones. And if your previous partner treated you badly or betrayed your trust, it’s very hard not to think anyone new may do the same.

If you have a hard time trusting a new partner, it could be because they’ve done something that makes them seem untrustworthy.

On the other hand, it could be your own issues that are making you suspicious.

It’s really not fair to blame someone who’s done nothing wrong for the sins of the previous partner. But if you have a hard time trusting someone you’re in a new relationship with without being able to explain why, it might be because you rebounded too early.

2) You keep comparing them to your ex

Nobody likes to be compared to others, especially if it’s in an unfavorable way.

But even if you keep your comparisons to yourself, the fact that you are thinking about your ex enough to draw comparisons between them and your new partner is a sign that you may not be as over them as you think.

“People can get stuck comparing the feeling of comfort and closeness they experienced with an ex to their current partner, and feeling like the new relationship doesn’t measure up,” says psychologist and relationship counselor Lauren Gentile.

The thing is, no two relationships are alike. And you certainly can’t compare a relatively new relationship with one that had more time to develop.

Plus, no two people are alike. So try to avoid comparing your new partner to your ex, because if you do, it’s a sure sign you haven’t got past your last relationship.

3) You keep talking about your ex

Even worse is when you can’t stop talking about your ex.

Look, it’s fine to mention someone you’ve been with in the past now and then, when it’s relevant to a situation you’re in. Anyone who is secure enough to be in a fulfilling relationship should be able to tolerate knowing that you have had other partners in the past.

But if you keep talking about your ex, you’re going to make your new partner feel insecure and like they don’t measure up. Plus, constantly talking about your ex and bringing them up in different situations shows that they are still on your mind.

And that may be an obvious sign that you have jumped into a new relationship too early.

4) You’re using the new relationship as a distraction

If you suspect you have jumped into a relationship too early, ask yourself why you’re in this relationship in the first place.

Is it because you really feel a connection with the other person? Or is it possible that you are using this new relationship to distract yourself from the breakup of your old one?

Figuring this out can take a lot of soul-searching. But it’s something you’re going to need to do if you want to fully understand whether you are ready for a new relationship.

Besides, it’s the least you can do for your new partner. No one deserves to be used as a distraction from somebody else’s negative feelings. If you’re not ready for a new relationship, it’s better to let them go.

pic1630 9 signs you’ve jumped into a new relationship without healing from the last one

5) You’re afraid of being alone

How do you feel about being alone?

We all have different tolerances for solitude. Some people genuinely enjoy it, while others are prone to feelings of boredom and loneliness that lead them to want to be around others all the time.

Neither one of those is necessarily wrong.

However, fear of being alone is one of the worst possible reasons to be in a relationship. Because instead of being with someone because you really like them and feel something for them, you’re just using them to keep yourself from being lonely.

If the thought of being alone scares you, that’s a bad sign. It may mean that you are in a new relationship for the wrong reasons and have rebounded too quickly from your last partnership.

6) You have become emotionally dependent

This one can be hard to admit to yourself.

Especially because some level of emotional dependency in a relationship is normal. In many ways, the whole point of being in a relationship is so that you can support one another through good times and bad.

However, if you rely on your partner for all your emotional needs, it’s not a good sign. And that’s especially true if you have become emotionally dependent on them early in the relationship.

“Emotional dependency is a state of mind where a person is incapable of taking full responsibility for their own feelings,” writes psychiatrist B. R. Madhukar. “Being slightly dependent on your significant other can be normal, but when your happiness relies on their feelings that’s where it can get unbalanced and unhealthy.”

In other words, as mature adults, we all need to be responsible for our own happiness.

When you have had your heart broken by somebody else, it’s tempting to lean on the first person who comes along to validate your damaged feelings.

But if you become emotionally dependent on your new partner, it may be because you aren’t over your last relationship yet.

7) You don’t understand why your last relationship ended

Sometimes, we don’t know why things end badly. And it can take a lot of introspection and careful thought to understand the reasons why things go wrong.

Also, it often requires time. Taking some time after a relationship goes wrong allows you to get some distance from your feelings and start to understand what role your own actions may have played in the failure of a relationship.

If you have no idea why your last relationship ended, it may be a sign that you haven’t given it enough thought. And that may mean you’re not ready for something new.

8) You don’t have a genuine spark with your new partner

Like I said earlier, every relationship is different. Some are just more passionate than others, and by itself, that doesn’t mean one is better than another.

However, if you’re not feeling that spark of excitement you usually get when you’re with a new partner, ask yourself why that might be.

If the two of you aren’t connecting, if you’re not excited about the new relationship, it suggests you may be in this relationship for the wrong reasons.

If you’re not excited to be with the new person, consider the possibility you are just using them to get over your breakup.

9) You feel like you’re settling

Finally, the only person who can really tell you if you have jumped too soon into a new relationship is you.

That means you’re going to need to ask yourself some tough questions.

Do you feel like this new person is really the person you want to be with? Is it someone who makes you happy? Is it someone you can see a future with?

Because if not, if you feel like you are settling for something that isn’t all it could be, trust that feeling.

If you aren’t really into your new relationship, if you don’t feel a deep and passionate connection to the other person, it may be kinder just to move on.

On the rebound

Part of what makes humans so complicated is that our feelings are often a mystery, even to ourselves.

You don’t always know when you’ve rebounded too quickly into a new relationship.

But if you notice these signs in yourself, it’s possible that you aren’t really ready for a new relationship after the trauma of the last one.

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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