7 signs you’ve got a relationship most people would envy, according to psychology

We often see idealized versions of relationships in films and TV series and even in books. But as non-fictional people, we know that the kind of relationship that most people would envy isn’t all about some grand romantic gesture, but rather about a healthy and fulfilling connection.

Here are some signs that may not sound ‘sexy’ but actually are what well-adjusted people seek in their relationships:

1) You share tasks evenly

Ok, so I warned you that this list might not be glamorous. But I assure you that everything is very important nonetheless. And nothing breeds resentment faster than a relationship where one person is doing all the tasks. 

Well, at least for most couples anyway!

Recently, social media influencers have been valorizing a concept called being a “Trad Wife”. This is based on some glorified notion of men going out to work and women staying in and taking care of the home.

The tricky thing about this concept is that it can either be brilliant or totally disempowering for women. If you’re interested in exploring this concept more deeply, then I highly recommend this insightful video, which critiques and deconstructs the trope.

However, what I want to share here is a comment from the video that I thought sums up what sharing tasks in this manner really looks like:

“I’m a homesteader and homemaker. I’m 50, it’s not an aesthetic for me, it’s what brings me joy but tbc, I handle the finances, our schedules, grow food, preserve it, tend to animals, make our medicine and delegate responsibilities to my family, including my husband.

“I respect him and of course we make important decisions together but managing the household means at home, I’m running the show and that’s fine by him. He works hard to provide for us and I wouldn’t want his job nor would I assume to try and run the show at his job.

“We are partners with our own set of responsibilities and skill sets that bring balance to our relationship and complement each other’s strengths.”

This is very different from the kind of ‘submissive wife’ trope that seems to have been started by alt-right male influencers, and is now being propagated by female influencers who are actually working themselves by promoting an aesthetic rather than a reality.

Naturally, this isn’t the only way to share tasks and both people can work and share domestic tasks equally!

2) You trust each other

I know too many couples that just don’t seem to trust each other. And the absence of trust leads to paranoia, accusations, and people even wanting to put restrictions on the other’s movements or friendships.

I feel that these people are missing the point of trust. You cannot control someone’s behavior into being trustworthy, they have to want to do it.

And then if they say they are doing it, it’s a choice of whether to trust them or not. This choice should be informed by the constancy of the partner’s behavior, and also give good faith unless there has been a reason not to, like someone lying or cheating.

In relationships where there is mutual trust, there is a feeling of safety, love, and comfort, and I know that they are qualities I would love to have with a partner. Wouldn’t you?

3) Mutual self-awareness

We all have issues, and we don’t always realize the extent of it. Self-development is a lifelong journey. Probably even the Dalai Lama has blind spots at times!

But on the whole, when two people are committed to self-growth and self-awareness, they will be able to take kindly given feedback and use it to improve themselves.

And perhaps more importantly, they won’t end up projecting their own issues onto the other person. Why? Because they understand where their temporary feelings of unhappiness or dissatisfaction come from, and most of the time, we create that in ourselves.

So, mutual self-awareness leads to a calm and peaceful relationship, mutual growth, and compassion for each other’s shortcomings.

4) You communicate well and effectively

Every relationship has sticking points and conflicts and that’s ok. The key here is that these things can be overcome with communication. I know that for me, sometimes this is harder than it seems.

Emotions run high in relationships and we may find it difficult to identify and express our needs (and that’s why self-awareness comes before communication).

And we expect a lot from our partners and it can be easy to expect them to just ‘get’ when and why we are upset.

Something that has helped me a lot is using techniques from Marshall Rosenberg’s ‘Non-violent Communication’. It shows us how to identify why we are upset. And then how to communicate it in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel defensive or attacked.

5) You feel part of a team

theyre more attracted to you than you realize 7 signs you've got a relationship most people would envy, according to psychology

Couples who have a strong sense of teamwork tend to have relationships that others envy. They face challenges together, support each other’s goals, and celebrate each other’s successes. When one person is struggling, the other is there to offer encouragement and help them get back on track.

In these relationships, there’s a sense that both partners are equally invested in making things work. They make decisions together, compromising when necessary, and always considering what’s best for the relationship as a whole.

Teamwork also means playing to each other’s strengths and compensating for each other’s weaknesses. If one person is great at handling finances while the other excels at planning social events, they divide tasks accordingly. 

The result is a well-balanced partnership where both people feel valued and appreciated for what they bring to the table.

6) You keep the intimacy alive, or work on it

Intimacy can mean many things, from sexual intimacy, to reassuring touches, or quality time where you can share important things from your life.

I remember being impressed and feeling all gooey inside when I saw my aunt and uncle holding hands at 70 years old after a marriage of 45 years. But when I spoke to my cousin, I realized that this hadn’t come from nowhere. They had been to relationship counseling and this was one of the suggestions to increase closeness and intimacy. And guess what? It really helped!

Similarly, keeping intimacy alive in the bedroom is often very important for couples, but can be hard to do. Especially with jobs and young children to care for.

But making a concerted effort to improve these things keeps a relationship strong and makes others wonder how you do it!

Like with many of these points, I think of the swan serenely floating on the river, while his little legs paddle furiously underneath. People envy what they see, but to get there we must do the work!

7) You’re kind to each other

This is so important that it maybe should be first (but then the article is not ranked in order of importance, but still!)

For so many of my girlies searching for love, I’m shocked to learn that kindness isn’t on their list of qualities.

Kindness in romantic relationships can show up in many ways, but some examples are:

Assuming the best, not the worst – When your partner does something that upsets you, a kind response is to assume they had good intentions rather than jumping to the conclusion that they meant to hurt you.

Caring for a partner who is unwell – Whether a minor cold or a serious illness, being there to offer comfort and support is a powerful way to show kindness.

Doing small things to brighten someone’s day – Kindness often lies in the little gestures, like bringing them coffee in bed, leaving a sweet note, or giving them a back rub after a long day.

Speaking to a partner with love and respect – Even in the heat of an argument, kind partners try to avoid name-calling, belittling, or saying things they know will be hurtful.

Forgiving when they make mistakes – We all mess up sometimes. Kindness means being willing to forgive, let go of grudges, and move forward together.

Picture of Louisa Lopez

Louisa Lopez

Louisa is writer, wellbeing coach, and world traveler, with a Masters in Social Anthropology. She is fascinated by people, psychology, spirituality and exploring psychedelics for personal growth and healing. She’s passionate about helping people and has been giving empowering advice professionally for over 10 years using the tarot. Louisa loves magical adventures and can often be found on a remote jungle island with her dogs. You can connect with her on Twitter: @StormJewel

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