Jelena Dincic
Look, I’m not saying that being nice is a bad thing. Actually, it’s a very positive characteristic.
However, there is such a thing as being too “nice”.
Some people take being nice too far and it ends up being bad for their well-being.
If you think that may be your case, read on to find out the signs as well as how to remedy the situation.
Here we go:
1) You have a hard time saying “no”
When was the last time you said “no” to someone? Can’t remember?
If you keep saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do because you don’t want to disappoint people, it’s a surefire sign you’re too nice for your own good.
I mean, it’s one thing to want to help someone out but quite another to do something that goes against your best interests or inconveniences you.
So what’s the solution?
You need to learn to say “no”. It’s okay, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s your right and most people will understand, and if they don’t, it’s their problem, not yours.
2) You’re a people pleaser
But I get why refusing someone could be difficult if you have a strong need to please everyone around you.
Maybe you didn’t have many friends growing up or maybe you never got the love and attention from your parents that you deserve. Whatever the case, if you’re constantly trying to please everyone and make them like you, you’re being too nice.
Here’s the thing: You can’t make everyone like you, even if you try your very hardest.
But do you know what? That’s okay. You don’t have to make everyone like you. Just be yourself and the right people, the people who know you and are closest to you will like you.
Be kind. Be polite. But don’t bend over backward trying to please everyone.
Got it?
3) You have no boundaries
Yikes.
I often write about the importance of boundaries.
Boundaries are personal limits that you establish to define what is acceptable and respectful behavior from others towards you, as well as how you interact with the world around you.
They’re there to help you protect your personal space, maintain a sense of self, and nurture healthy relationships.
Another sign that you’re too nice for your own good is that you let others cross your boundaries without speaking up or asserting yourself.
You need to set some boundaries ASAP if you want to maintain your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
4) You’re scared of conflict
I have a confession to make – I used to have issues with conflict myself. I’ve gotten better over the years but man, it’s been a long and bumpy road.
If someone was being an as**ole to me, I would walk away and burst into tears instead of standing up for myself. I even quit my job a few years back because I was being bullied by the office manager instead of telling her that her behavior was inappropriate and reporting her.
So, if you’re constantly suppressing your feelings and letting people treat you any old way just to avoid disagreements and conflicts, you’re being too nice for your own good.
My advice?
If there’s going to be a conflict, let it be. It’s much better than keeping your feelings bottled up inside or letting injustice take place.
5) You don’t take care of yourself
Only a saint would neglect their well-being for the sake of others, and look where that got them.
Jokes aside, if you’re constantly putting the needs of others over your own needs you’re on the fast track to burnout.
While I think that altruism is one of the noblest traits someone can have, you also need to understand that in order to help others, you need to take care of yourself.
Think about it: If you get sick, how will you be able to help anyone else?
It’s like the safety instructions on the plane say, “Place the mask over your face and then on the child next to you.”
6) You’re constantly saying “sorry”
Another sign that you’re too nice for your own good is the fact that you’re constantly saying “sorry” – even when you’ve nothing to apologize for.
The solution?
Save your sorries for those times when you actually screw up and need to apologize.
- Don’t be sorry that you disagree with someone and have an opinion of your own.
- Don’t be sorry that you don’t know something.
- Don’t be sorry for someone else’s mistakes.
- Don’t be sorry for being you.
7) You take on other people’s emotions
That may be a nice thing to do but being such an extreme empath is definitely not good for you.
It’s hard enough dealing with your own emotions without taking on other people’s, especially when it comes to pain and suffering. It’s more than one person can handle without breaking down.
You need to find a good balance between being cold and distant and feeling everyone’s pain.
It’s okay to understand what someone is going through and to help out whenever you can, but try to keep an emotional distance if you can, kind of the way doctors do.
8) You’re overly agreeable
Do you always agree with what everyone says even though you completely disagree with what they’re saying?
You think you’re being nice but you’re being dishonest and you’re keeping the real you from speaking out.
News flash: You’re entitled to have an opinion of your own and not everyone has to like it.
Being nice doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone, it means being respectful and mindful of the people around you.
9) You fear disapproval
I get it, the thought of someone being disappointed in you can be terrifying.
But keeping your thoughts to yourself, being overly agreeable, and compromising your own values is a much worse alternative.
You can only do your best and hope for a positive outcome. Some people may disapprove of you or your actions and that’s fine. It’s simply impossible to have everyone’s approval, and really, why would you want to?
A good way to know who really likes you for you is to be yourself and see who sticks around.
10) You have a hard time expressing displeasure
Look, you don’t have to be mean and hurt someone’s feelings intentionally, but you also need to be able to express your dissatisfaction.
For example, if you order a meal in a restaurant that’s too salty to eat, you need to tell the waiter. Don’t force yourself to eat it or leave hungry.
Or if someone does something to hurt or disappoint you, you need to be frank with them and tell them what’s in your heart.
11) You put yourself last
Always putting yourself last may seem like a nice thing to do but it can be quite harmful. It can lead to burnout, resentment, missed opportunities, toxic relationships, neglected health, and overall lower quality of life.
You don’t want that, do you?
You need to consider your needs and wants from time to time. You need to be nice toward yourself and show yourself the same kindness that you would other people.
12) You totally ignore red flags
Do you tend to overlook warning signs in relationships or certain situations because you don’t want to seem judgmental or critical?
If the answer is “yes” then you need to stop and open your eyes.
When something is not right, don’t ignore it. Address the situation. Don’t be scared of being too critical, trust me, you’re not.
13) You feel drained
Of course, you’re feeling emotionally, mentally, and maybe even physically drained from constantly accommodating other people’s needs.
If you feel drained from being nice, it’s a surefire sign that you’re being too nice for your own good and that you need to start looking out for yourself.
14) You’re not assertive
If you have a hard time communicating your thoughts, desires, opinions, and even boundaries because you’re afraid of what someone will think of you, you’re definitely too nice.
For example, you’ve been working your bu** off and you think it’s time for a promotion but you don’t want to seem pushy so you don’t say anything to your boss.
But here’s the thing, if you don’t ask for what you want, you may never get it.
You only live once, so go out there and carpe diem.
15) You have difficulty accepting help
When you need help, you have a hard time asking for it. You’re simply uncomfortable receiving help or support from others because you’re used to being the one who helps.
But listen up, we all need a hand from time to time, there’s no shame in it.
You wouldn’t want the people you help to feel bad, would you? Well, the same applies to you, you shouldn’t feel bad accepting help.
16) You’re being taken advantage of
Sadly, another sign that you’re too nice for your own good is that others exploit your kindness by constantly asking for favors and help without showing appreciation or ever doing anything nice in return.
This would be a good place to start practicing saying, “no” like I mentioned earlier.
17) You’re starting to feel resentful
You give and you give and you give…
Over time, you may start to feel a bit resentful because other people aren’t as nice and kind toward you as you are toward them.
You may start to ask yourself, “What’s wrong with people?”
Nothing.
You see, you’ve set impossible standards for everyone else by being too nice. Now you expect everyone to be like you but it’s just too much.
18) You feel like you’re losing your sense of self
Finally, your obsession with pleasing others could lead to losing sight of who you are and what you want in life.
If you’re starting to feel a loss of identity, it could be because you’re too nice.
But what can you do?
Well, start by putting yourself first for once.
Make a list of what is most important to you in life, and what you want to accomplish. Once you have an idea of what you want, make a plan on how you’re going to get there and get working.
