8 signs you’re the problematic one in your relationship, according to psychology

We all have dramas in relationships. That’s just life. But have you ever wondered if perhaps it’s you who’s the problem?

We all hope it’s not us, but psychologists have figured out a few different behaviors that might be signs that you’re the one creating unnecessary drama in your relationship. 

Read on to find out if it is you, or if you’re off the hook this time!

1) Defensiveness

When your partner asks you about something, is your first reaction to get defensive? “No, it wasn’t me. I didn’t say that.”

This article explains that we get defensive because we feel threatened.

But it might be ruining your relationship for a few reasons, like the fact that you’re not listening to your partner and you’re not taking accountability for your actions.

Over time, this kind of behavior grinds a person down and often they leave a relationship because they get sick of being reacted to in this way.

2) Jealousy

Whenever you see your partner talking to or messaging someone else, how do you feel?

If your answer is “jealous” or you don’t like it, then there might be a problem. 

Jealousy is a normal feeling in some situations, but it shouldn’t be a feeling you have all the time. And it definitely shouldn’t be something you’re voicing or showing all the time.

According to psychologists, jealousy is the quickest way to ruin even the strongest relationships, as it can damage self-esteem.

It also breaks down any trust that was there at the beginning and just makes the relationship one that’s not so enjoyable to be in.

3) Manipulation 

Do you always decide what you and your partner are doing? When you click your fingers, do they do what you want? When you say “Jump,” do they say, “How high?” 

These are all signs that you might be a manipulator in this relationship, which can be problematic.

According to psychologists, when one partner manipulates the other, they aren’t allowing them to be themselves.

This means that the other person may either forget who they were before they met you, or one day just snap and leave. I did the latter after being in a relationship like that. It was really hard on both of us.

4) Control issues

Do you need to be in control of everything in your relationship? Do you have to micromanage every situation? If you’re thinking, “Yes, that’s me,” then you might have control issues.

Some control issues are related to self, but this article explains that when we direct them towards others, especially our partners, then it doesn’t create a positive relationship.

The article names some different signs of this kind of behavior, which are:

If you think that you’re acting in some or all of these ways toward your partner, then it might be time to stop and reassess how you’re treating them.

Because this is very problematic behavior that might just be what ends your relationship.

5) Poor communication 

things most men do in relationships that women secretly hate 8 signs you’re the problematic one in your relationship, according to psychology

How frustrated do you get when your partner doesn’t listen to you? What about when they don’t share important information with you? Yeah, I find it frustrating as well. 

Communication is one of the most important links that keeps people together. And I’m not just talking about sharing feelings, simple things like plans you’ve made or ideas you’ve had.

Relationships are partnerships, you’re meant to be a team. And if you’re not communicating like one, then how is it going to work? 

Psychologist Kristin Davin speaks about how much communication affects a romantic relationship.

She says that enables both partners to set healthy boundaries, as well as learn how to resolve conflict, which we all know is super important.

Kristin goes on to say that good communication can even help couples feel connected emotionally, have a deeper level of intimacy, and create a strong, trusting relationship.

When communication breaks down in a relationship, we can feel alone and unimportant. But don’t worry, she also has some great tips to improve it if you think you’ve messed up in this area.

6) Crossing boundaries 

Now we’ve found out about how important good communication is for creating boundaries, if you thought you didn’t have it, then chances are you might be crossing some. 

If you don’t know where the boundaries are in a relationship, both partners can cross them easily.

But maybe you do know what your partner’s boundaries are. You know what they can handle and can’t. But life is easier for you if you push them.

How long do you think your partner is going to put up with this?

If you’re constantly pushing it with your partner, getting them to do things they don’t want to or aren’t comfortable with then you may be creating a rift in your relationship. You may be the problematic one. 

7) Resistance to change

I don’t know about you, but when I was younger I thought I could change my partners. Once I got into my thirties, I realized you can only change yourself. 

However, we should be open to changing ourselves in some ways in relationships. This is called compromise. It helps us grow and become a better partner.

If you have found yourself opposing the idea of changing in your relationship, you’re probably not going to move forward. And yes I know, if someone is nagging us to make changes, most of us want to dig in our heels even more.

This article says that people are often resistant to change because they are scared of the unknown. Suddenly the clear, certain future has many options and they don’t like this.

But isn’t life boring if we stay the same and avoid new paths?

If you let go a little bit, and try something new, you may find a happier partner, and who knows, maybe even a happier you.

8) Lack of accountability 

One last sign that you might be problematic in your relationship is a lack of accountability. This means nothing is ever your fault.

Have you experienced people like this before? Where nothing is ever their fault? They’re annoying, frustrating and in the end, no one likes being around them.

This is likely what will happen if you keep on like this in your relationship. Your partner will want to be around you less and less.

An excellent article here says it can be called “The blame game”. You just blame them for everything whether it’s their fault or not. Sounds a bit mean when you put it like that doesn’t it?

If this is you, think about how your partner might be feeling. Then think about how they’ll feel if you, just for once, admit that you were wrong. It might even save your relationship.

Take a look at the article above to find out how to overcome this as a team!

Picture of Louisa Lopez

Louisa Lopez

Louisa is writer, wellbeing coach, and world traveler, with a Masters in Social Anthropology. She is fascinated by people, psychology, spirituality and exploring psychedelics for personal growth and healing. She’s passionate about helping people and has been giving empowering advice professionally for over 10 years using the tarot. Louisa loves magical adventures and can often be found on a remote jungle island with her dogs. You can connect with her on Twitter: @StormJewel

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